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soooo attached!!

post #1 of 5
5/30/03 at 9:09pm
Thread Starter 
my 4month old ds is sooooo attached to me, which, of course, i love, but am worried because i will be going back to work (possibly full time) in august. dh will be a part-time sahd. for the last month or so dh and i have been trying to have ds and dh spend lots of time together, but as soon as i leave the house ds cries continuously with dh until either i return or he falls asleep. the longest i have stayed away has been 3 hours and it was torture for the both of them. dh has tried everything to no avail. sadly, it seems to me that we just have to keep trying, but i wondered if others who have had a similar experience wouldn't mind sharing their experience. it breaks my heart (and my dh's) to know that ds is so miserable.

mom to elias 1/31/03
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post #2 of 5
5/31/03 at 12:54pm
My ds was like this... is still like this to some degree and he's 2 1/2.

I would just leave for an hour a day, and it was really hard for dh and ds... but they did adjust. I wouldn't worry about trying to go for long periods of time... just keep doing it consistently day after day.. .it will be easier on everyone.. especially dh. He just needs to find his rhythm.

This may sound strange, but what really helped dh was when my mom came, and she had ds for a couple of hours... she too was struggling... dh came home in the middle, and ds was like GREAT DAD!!! First, it made him feel better that it wasn't only him, plus it made him feel better that ds he liked him better than at least somebody else.

Other things that helped make the transition.... kept a blanket that I put into bed with us that always smelled of mommy and milk. Sometimes dh would get a dirty nursing bra out
DH learned to be pretty creative... I'd come home and all of his little toys, animals, and such were in weird places that I know dh was trying just about everything.


Now ds cries when dh leaves in the morning, cries when he leaves the puppy, and he waves me goodbye when I drop him off at daycare most days... somedays he gives me sad farewell too, but more than likely it's a sad pick up as he's having tons of fun and doesn't want to leave
post #3 of 5
6/1/03 at 1:51am
Here's my take on the situation: why put the little guy through that when your work is still three months away? Babies grow and change so much in such a short time. Maybe when he's a bit older, it will be easier for him. Your baby is so young, and I fear that by forcing this separation from you for such long periods of time, you are doing damage that isn't going to help you in the long run. If I found out my baby cried for three hours while I was away I'd be so upset!!

Your son needs you right now. He doesn't understand you are going to work in three months. If it were me, I'd pretend I wasn't even working and just be there for him as much as I could until it's much closer to when you have to work. I don't think you're making it easier on him by making him go through this now as opposed to when he's a bit older.

'Course, I haven't had to go to work so I may just be spouting nonsense...
post #4 of 5
6/1/03 at 12:35pm
here's what our situation was:
i went back to work part time (4hrs x 5 days) with dd 3 months old. she was able to come to work with me- no problem. & at 6 mos was back full time and dh had during the evening part of my shift ( i work 1-9pm). i tried the separation while i was part time and it was also awful- she also would not take a botle so that made it a little worse. i even felt bad when i got back from my yoga classes and she had been crying for an hour!!! so i stopped leaving her for a while- she was happy, i was happy and dh was happy. the company i work for was closed during my daughter's 5th month so it seemed like i had 6 months off. when i went back to work full time, dd was 6 mos and dh was able to comfort her better, entertain her better, and provide her nourishment weather it be baby food, some pumped bm in a cup or a little water. he has her for about 4 hours and she is with me for the other 4. the adjustment period was was easier for her than me! she was fine the first time!!! also, i work close to hame and dh can bring her to me is dd is ever having a rough time so i can nurse her. he knows that it is not acceptable to me for her to be crying and especially not to sleep. he has only had to bring her to me less than a handful of times over the past year. she and her father have a very special bond now that many dad's we know may never have.
a few things that helped with dd/dh bonding was for him to do most of the diaper changes and baths when dh was home from work and weekends. it's amazing just how much quality time these factor into!!!

definitely do not be concerned about needing to leave your ds right now. you will need to leave him soon enough to return to work. enjoy the precious times with him now...you never get them back.
post #5 of 5
6/7/03 at 12:13pm
Quote:
Originally posted by Piglet68
Here's my take on the situation: why put the little guy through that when your work is still three months away? Babies grow and change so much in such a short time. Maybe when he's a bit older, it will be easier for him. Your baby is so young, and I fear that by forcing this separation from you for such long periods of time, you are doing damage that isn't going to help you in the long run. If I found out my baby cried for three hours while I was away I'd be so upset!!

Your son needs you right now. He doesn't understand you are going to work in three months. If it were me, I'd pretend I wasn't even working and just be there for him as much as I could until it's much closer to when you have to work. I don't think you're making it easier on him by making him go through this now as opposed to when he's a bit older.
Spot on, Piglet68...