Tantrums that last 30-60 minutes....anyone else?

[JennyBC]

My 2 year old son has had a few of these "whopper" tantrums. Thankfully, not in public. The only thing I ever read about tantrums was in my Dr. Sears book, so I did what he suggested, which was not to ignore it, but to stay with him. This was hard because after about 15 minutes or so I could see that things weren't going to end shortly, or easily. My husband often has different parenting views than I do, and he wanted me to ignore him (ie: time out). I tried telling him "when you can calm down, and feel better, we'll eat" because I knew part of the reason for the tantrum was that he was hungry. After sitting with him awhile, hugging him, talking quietly, I did try the "walk away" approach. I would go in, sit with him, talk, then walk away for a few minutes, then go back. I know I was flip flopping about how to deal with it, but it was our first really long hard tantrum. He hasn't had a bad tantrum since (partly because we reflected on how to prevent the tantrum in the first place, which seems to be working). I was just curious what others do whose kids have these kinds of tantrums. Thanks!

[royaloakmi]

Yes. We have had those kind. Basically, we got my ds to a safe place (usually back home, or at least in the car) and then sat with him till it was done. We didn't necessarily hold him (it often wasn't possible he was writhing so much), and when I'm alone, I sometimes have to leave to check on his twin sister.

As he got older, there have been situations where he has asked us to leave him, which we do. But, we go back to check on him every five minutes or so and let him know we're still there.

I don't think kids should be "punished" for tantrums; they need to know it's okay to have strong feelings and that it doesn't scare you. But I also don't give in to whatever the original demand was (if there was one).

Hang in there, these can be really distressing and exhausting for all involved.

[JennyBC]

tantrums

Yes, I totally agree that children should not be punished for tantrums. Especially with a 2 year old who really doesn't understand what's going on, IMO.

[georgia]

Here is a favorite Mothering Magazine link of mine about this topic I think you'll enjoy it

[JennyBC]

tantrum article

Thanks Georgia. I had actually just finished reading that article (more like skimming tho) before I posted. I posted my comment/ques because she mentioned that if you sit with the child, talk to them, acknowledge their feelings etc, that it should disappait (sp?) quickly.....and in my case I did alot of what she suggested, yet the tantrum went on a LONG time! Still, a good article. Thanks

[PatchyMama]

Originally Posted by JennyBC

Thanks Georgia. I had actually just finished reading that article (more like skimming tho) before I posted. I posted my comment/ques because she mentioned that if you sit with the child, talk to them, acknowledge their feelings etc, that it should disappait (sp?) quickly.....and in my case I did alot of what she suggested, yet the tantrum went on a LONG time! Still, a good article. Thanks

my DD is the same way. Trying to sit with her and talk with her is of no help LOL. I do have to say tho that while her tantrums are LONG, they are not physical so much as verbal. She usually sits or stands wherever she is and just screams or cries. She is completely incapable of talking to me during this time. It is so frustrating... especially since most of the tantrums are because I have said "honey we can't stop to nurse right now, I am making dinner" or something to that effect... it has made our nursing relationship quite stressful as well recently.

Anyway I just wanted to pop in that I can understand, yet I don't have any advice LOL