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Cats in the cradle and the silver spoon...

post #1 of 9
Thread Starter 
Just wanted to post that my 8 month old dd started crawling this week at the dcc...I knew she was getting ready to do it, so I asked her teacher to call me if she started really going in earnest, and they did. They were as excited as I was, but I still felt a little sad that I had missed it...

Some days I really feel like wherever I am, it's the wrong place...if I'm working I should be at home, and if I'm home, I'm fretting about work.

post #2 of 9
I know it's kind of a platitude, but even if you don't see the absolute positive this is really it "first" of something, when you see it, it will be the first time for you. And there are so many firsts!

I'm a SAHM right now, although I was a WOHM for a little while, and I can't tell you how many times I was at work or I've been in the other room for a minute, and ds has been with dh or my mom or my sister or someone, and I've heard "Look! Evan just (rolled over) (pulled up) (smiled) (stood up) (fill in the blank)." And it was his first, and I missed it! It's been more than a few times. But it was still really exciting when I first saw him do something new.

You will always be the first person in your daughter's life.

post #3 of 9
With my first two, I told whoever was watching them that if they hit a milestone while in their care, it DID NOT COUNT and they were absolutely forbidden to tell me. They could tell me if baby was trying to do something new, though, so I could watch for it.

Daddy was the only one who could see a first other than me.

It's all a little silly. I'll offer some perspective (though I'll still insist my sitter not tell me when DS rolls over for her): I don't know if my mom saw my first everythings as a baby. And if she told me she missed some, I wouldn't care so much. The stuff she missed when I was older was the stuff that stings, you know? Games and track meets, field trips and class parties...that's the sort of stuff working mamas have to keep in mind for later on.
post #4 of 9
I'm so glad some one else "forbids" recognition of firsts if she's not there. I do exactly the same thing. DS is almost 9 months and I have not "missed" any milestones. He is walking some, learned to stand up from floor on his own last week. I wholeheartedly recommend this sort of self-deception. As another poster pointed out, even if you are home, the "first"might be while you are out of room and DS/SO is on room with the babe!
post #5 of 9
This is so true!! My SIL, who is a (rather smug about it, too) SAHM missed turning over, crawling, and the first step with their first child. My brother, to whom being there for the "firsts" is no bigging, just happened to be there for many of the important ones. She was very upset about this for a long time. He also gave him his first solid food, for which my brother was severely punished!!! The boy is now 22, and I think they are both over it.
post #6 of 9
I did not go back to work until ds was 20mo, and I still feel terrible guilt every morning when I drop him off. I know my cooking is better, I know I am gentler and more loving with him, and I know he MATTERS so much more to me than he could to anyone else. He gives me a wonderful, confident hug and kiss in the morning when I go to work, and when I come to pick him up he is happy to see me and usually not totally stressed out...but I feel guilt knowing that if I were with him, we'd have read more books, colored pages together, made sandwiches and taken a walk--and instead he watches an older boy play video games, and plays with a lot of toys that make their own sounds...

And of course, when I am at home stressing out over bills, I am thinking to myself, if only I put in another 5 hours a week...: You just can't win.
post #7 of 9
Oh yeah. That is it in a nut shell. If only I could be two of me....
post #8 of 9
I think our DCP just hides the firsts from us. I didn't tell her or anything, but she is always surprised when I tell her DD does tis or that. I really think it;s a sham because I see DD do more things around older kids and she copies them so she must be doing these things there.
Plus, I marveled at her rolling for many times, not just the first time and it was the first time for me evenif not for her (I missed it actually because I was out of the room and dd was playing on the floor) And there are just more and more things to marvel at as they get older so hand in there.
post #9 of 9
Thread Starter 
"And of course, when I am at home stressing out over bills, I am thinking to myself, if only I put in another 5 hours a week... You just can't win."

UmmNuh: Yes, Yes, YES! This is how I feel exactly! Even though I feel like I took the shortest leave in the history of the planet with dd#2, so that I could take advantage of a paid week of vacation and not affect my pension and keep our health benefits in force, I still know that I was stressed out about money during those couple of months. I tried not to think about it, and just revel in the time I had with my baby, but it was hard to watch my dh, as a solo practioner in his own firm, come home every day with a worried look on his face because he hadn't gotten a check, and know that my salary would have helped.

You're right, you can't win.

Update on my little crawler, who started this whole thread...of course, she is now crawling up a storm, so it seems old hat. And I did remember that this kid was a little pistol in that she would smile at complete strangers, but not crack one for dh or myself. And of course I was around for that. So all of you who said it's not just about being at work when babies decide to do things were right. And I do have to say, one of the things that my day care center has going for it is that the teachers are VERY connected to the kids, and enjoy their "firsts" greatly...so the fact that they did call me and let me know and act excited with me was actually sort of comforting in an odd way.
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