VENT--A 9mo old being popped

[dswmom]

This post is two-fold: First to vent, second to encourage parents, if I can, to NOT hit their babies!

A lady I know expressed to me that her daughter was beginning to discipline her son (9mo) by popping his hand and telling him NO. He's only 1 mo younger than my son and I could never in a million years imagine hitting him for any reason, especially at 8months old....what could a child that young do to warrant such a response from his parent-his protector? Frankly, it made me sick. We then got into a discussion about it and I told her that he was just a baby and I'd never do that. She prided herself on the fact that when her children were young, she didn't move a thing in her house out of their way for safe-keeping. Everything stayed as it was before the children "arrived" and the kids would just be told not to touch or would get their hands popped if they did. That to me just sucks. Are our material possessions more important than our childrens' emotional security? Babies, kids, are going to explore...they will touch things and pick up stuff without any understanding of how much it cost. If it's that important, put the special item away. Don't keep in view to lure the child and then smack 'em for being interested in it.

I just hope by writing this someone, somewhere will think twice about where they place value...in things or in people AND will realize that smacking, popping, spanking, hitting--whatever you want to call it, is totally uncalled for in a baby's world.

The issue of spanking older children is a different thread for a different time, but I basically feel the same way about it---shouldn't happen.

[zombiemommie]

I think you are pretty much "preaching to the choir" over here LOL

Thanks for your post tho ! Its always great to hear of another mommy (you) using GD. Keep up the good work !

[Alexander]

If the baby could punch back as hard as say me, that woman would think twice about hitting the baby!

a

[Piglet68]

Re: VENT--A 9mo old being popped

Originally posted by dswmom
She prided herself on the fact that when her children were young, she didn't move a thing in her house out of their way for safe-keeping. Everything stayed as it was before the children "arrived" and the kids would just be told not to touch or would get their hands popped if they did.

I've heard this, too. As sad and ignorant as it is, they honestly are proud. People really had no clue about child psychology back then, and we are still only learning...

It is very sad. My DD is 10.5 months and there is nothing in this world she could do to deserve being "popped" one.

[Jupiter]

this makes me SO sad to hear. i'm not a mother yet, but i'm an ECE major, and i've worked in daycares and a 9 month old is just not old enough to be "disciplined" yet, especially not physically (as if that was EVER appropriate. ) it really sickens me when i realize how many parents think it's ok to physically "disclipline" their child.

[TiredX2]

A little OT, but in the same vein...

I hate when someone descibes how nice a house is (where the people have kids) and say something like, "you would never even know they have kids" (meaning it is super clean, no toys out, etc...). I'm always like, "thats so *sad*". I want people to be able to tell that 4 PEOPLE live in our house, two of them just happen to be kids.

ITA about hitting kids though, esp so young. They can't even walk or talk, maybe give it a rest!

Kay

[sparklemom]

This reminds me of a mom I heard about recently who was "popping" (aka spanking aka hitting!) her THREE MONTH old because she was "wiggling too much" while getting her diaper changed. HOLY COW!!! sick sick sick SAD!!!

Also reminds me of a mom I saw while eating at a restaurant a while back...her child who was around a year old apparently hit another child. So the mom went up to her child and smacked her hand three times while saying "we don't hit!" DUH lady! oh the irony...the ignorance...so sad.

Check in with these children a year or so down the road and you'll likely see a bully in action. No wonder. And certainly the parent/child bond is weak at best.

[LunaMom]

I hate those damn euphemisms for hitting. Popping is what bubbles do.

Show me a kid whose parents don't change a thing intheir home and "train" the child not to touch (or wiggle or cry or squeal with delight or whatever), and I'll show you one of those glazed-looking babies I see in strollers at the mall all the time. Anyone else notice those lifeless babies? (not knocking strollers - used one myself!)

[chapulina]

the idea of hitting any baby or child is completely outrageous! it certainly wouldn't (shouldn't) be tolerated in adults, including the elderly who are dependent on others for help.

Yes, Lunamom, I know what you are referring to when you described those glassy-eyed babies that just sit there in strollers. very sad. However, I am thinking that is so typical that when the 'general public' runs into those connected babies who lock eyes with whoever comes their way, give smiles, and try to engage them with their beautiful jabbering, people are genuinely surprised and make remarks: she's so sociable, seems to know what she's saying, etc....

[DebraBaker]

Sounds like the discipline methods used widely in our old church.

Spank babies who squirm when being changed. There was a woman (respected woman) who was bragging about how her baby was "advanced" and needed to be spanked at three months instead of the usual six months (for squirming when being changed!!)

It was also common for babies to be slapped when they grabbed forbidden items. The common scenario was magazines on the coffeetable. If the baby (whenever they could pull themselves up) grabbed the magazine they would have their hands slapped.

One of the pastor's wives actually gave me a book called "how to be the parents of happy obedient children" that advocated these practices as well as spanking children who didn't finish the food on their plates.

This crap makes me mad.

Debra Baker

[LunaMom]

And the very worst thing about spanking babies? It probably achieves the desired result - if you hit a baby every time he squirms on the changing table, sure, he'll stop squirming eventually. So all these spankers think that we are the ignorant ones, allowing our children to explore our homes (gasp!), wiggle and squeal on the changing table (oh my!) and smear their mashed banana on their faces (heavens!), and that their sad, sad little babies who never give them any trouble are somehow better children.

[1boy1girl]

Several months ago (when I was part of a mainstream playgroup that I didn't really like) Ds hit an older girl over the head with a plastic basket.


I lamented (after talking to Ds) that I had had trouble with him hitting lately and I tried everything I could think of and nothing was helping. One woman then asked "Have you tried spanking him?" WTF?? Hit my Ds for hitting?? That makes sense! NOT!

Worst part is what I had witnessed earlier involving her DD. Her DD was about 14 months at the time. I KNEW mom had been smacking her for no-no's ever since she became mobile. Well, her DD had a cracker and this little boy about a month younger tried to take it. So what did her DD do? Hauled off and smacked him accross the face! She did EXACTLY what her mommy had taught her to do! Dont' want him touching it? Smack him! After all, that's what mommy does to me! So then of course the little girl got smacked for smacking and looks SOO confused about it! Poor kid!!

[AnnaReilly]

Originally posted by TiredX2
A little OT, but in the same vein...
I hate when someone descibes how nice a house is (where the people have kids) and say something like, "you would never even know they have kids" (meaning it is super clean, no toys out, etc...). I'm always like, "thats so *sad*". I want people to be able to tell that 4 PEOPLE live in our house, two of them just happen to be kids.

Right on! My baby, and her self-esteem, are worth so much more than any of my material possesions. Would people rather have happy, outgoing, exploring children or a pristine white carpeted room with Faberge eggs and china displayed all over?