Last night we picked up burritos and had dinner at the playground. The kids ran around and had a lot of fun. So we're leaving, and as we were about to cross the street he asked if he could run down this long path. I should have just said yes, but I said no - I had ds2, all our stuff, we were on our way to the library, it was cold and getting dark. He immediately turned away and just bolted down the path as fast as he could. I called his name and he completely ignored me, and ran the whole length (which was quite a distance - there was no way I was running after him). When he finally came back I was livid from the blatant disregard for what I had told him. I don't even remember exactly what I said, but it was along the lines of "You NEVER run off like that, I said NO, when I tell you something you LISTEN." That kind of stuff. Of course, I wasn't saying it nicely. We got into the car and I was still angry, and then he started in with the backtalk, which just makes me go insane. Dh ended up pulling the car over, going back there and basically telling him to stop talking to us that way. The whole time I'm in internal conflict thinking "Yeah, but meanwhile I'm talking nasty to him" but also "He needs to have some respect for what I tell him!"
I just don't know what to do in situations like this. Yes, it would have been easier if I had said yes. But honestly, most situations would be easier if he got to do whatever he wanted to do. I give him a lot of leeway and a lot of freedoms. When I say no, I expect him to listen, and yes, gasp, even obey. I am at a loss when he has such blatant disregard for what I've told him not to do. I say I don't punish, but in reality I punish by getting so angry at him, so that's not working either. I just don't know how else to get the point across, because talking nicely about it doesn't seem to phase him. As he says "But I want to." And no matter what explanations I have for him, his only response is "But I want to."
And with two kids, things aren't so easy. Yesterday at the playground earlier in the day, I saw ds1 about to throw some sand. He of course knows better, but I reminded him that he's not to throw sand, that someone could get hurt, blah blah blah. About an hour later I look over and he is throwing sand at someone (he missed, but he was definitely trying). I call him over and we talk about it. But I feel like at almost 6yo I shouldn't have to have a second conversation about now throwing sand. He didn't forget. I can't just pick up and leave because that's unfair to ds2, and besides, isn't that a punishment? You threw sand so now we're leaving the playground?
Sometimes I feel like I've got this all down, and other times I feel like I'm floundering.
I just don't know what to do in situations like this. Yes, it would have been easier if I had said yes. But honestly, most situations would be easier if he got to do whatever he wanted to do. I give him a lot of leeway and a lot of freedoms. When I say no, I expect him to listen, and yes, gasp, even obey. I am at a loss when he has such blatant disregard for what I've told him not to do. I say I don't punish, but in reality I punish by getting so angry at him, so that's not working either. I just don't know how else to get the point across, because talking nicely about it doesn't seem to phase him. As he says "But I want to." And no matter what explanations I have for him, his only response is "But I want to."
And with two kids, things aren't so easy. Yesterday at the playground earlier in the day, I saw ds1 about to throw some sand. He of course knows better, but I reminded him that he's not to throw sand, that someone could get hurt, blah blah blah. About an hour later I look over and he is throwing sand at someone (he missed, but he was definitely trying). I call him over and we talk about it. But I feel like at almost 6yo I shouldn't have to have a second conversation about now throwing sand. He didn't forget. I can't just pick up and leave because that's unfair to ds2, and besides, isn't that a punishment? You threw sand so now we're leaving the playground?
Sometimes I feel like I've got this all down, and other times I feel like I'm floundering.
