Ack, my mother...

[NotTheOnlyOne]

I do home daycare and today was a pretty calm and easy day. With 4 two year olds it can get pretty hectic sometimes, but today.... not so bad. SO we come upstairs for lunch and my mother (who comes over 3 mornings a week to help out and play) is in the living room watching the kids while I am making lunch. I hear from the Kitchen, "Jackson, if you hit him I am going to spank you and I dont care if I am not your mother!"

I was never spanked as a child, at least not that I remember. I dont remember her ever threatening to spank me. Her story is that she spanked my older brother and one time left a bruise so she vowed to never spank again. I escaped it all.

SO I have no idea where this came from. I did of course, immediately drop what I was doing and go tell her, "Mom, you cannot threaten to spank him. I dont care what he is doing, you just can't do that." and she said, "Of course. I know. I have never done it before and I won't do it again. He just made me mad." SO I left it at that.

Later in the morning she oculd tell I was still bothered by it and she tried to make a joke of it.... Its not funny.

[chfriend]

It sounds like she made a mistake and apologized for it. Could you check in with her on what kind of support you could offer when the kids are pushing her buttons?

[mamaduck]

I imagine she is embarassed. I tend to be very understanding of mistakes like that, suffering myself from intense foot-in-mouth-disease. It was a dumb thing to say, but she recognized that fact and promised to do better. Why make an issue of it??

[ThreeBeans]

Did she threaten to spank ANOTHER parent's child?


I would not allow her in my home again during business hours. If that were my child and I heard about, I would pull my child immediately and report the daycare to the state.

[lesley&grace]

I'd probably let it go, other than to tell her that if she is starting to get stressed out by the kids then she should call you in for support. What she said was wrong, but she's human and we're a faulty bunch.

I think it is a matter of she got upset and flustered and said the wrong thing. I doubt there is anyone here who can honestly say they never ever opened their mouth and immediately regretted what came out.

Maybe, just to be on the safe side, you not leave her alone in another room? Can she occupy the kids at your kitchen table maybe with a colouring activity or something while you prep lunch? Just to make sure it won't get to that point again.

[Kirsten]

Originally Posted by ThreeBeans

Did she threaten to spank ANOTHER parent's child?

Yes, I think it was a daycare child. If you look at her sig, the names don't match up for it to be the OP's child.

Originally Posted by ThreeBeans

I would not allow her in my home again during business hours. If that were my child and I heard about, I would pull my child immediately and report the daycare to the state.

Pulling your child for one comment is your choice. But getting the state involved - not over a child actually being hit, but over the gramma making one comment - is over the top IMO. The gramma is not left alone to care for the children; she helps out three mornings a week.

We all have the parenting standards we aspire to. Personally, I sometimes am tired or stressed, and am not doing my best parenting. It would be great if no kids ever heard parents (or grandparents) make any negative comments, but they are not going to break or be scarred forever for this one statement.

My dd3 goes to an in-home daycare every afternoon while I work. The ddcp's mom does help out once in a while; both ddcp and her mom are very sweet with the kids. If her mom made the comment that the OP's mom did, and another mom reported to the state, I'd be mad at that parent. Pull if you want. Write or call the other daycare parents to report the "incident" and it being your reason for pulling out if you want to. But getting the state involved over one comment like this is ridiculous IMO.

[ThreeBeans]

I don't think it's ridiculous. If I trust another person with my child's care, I trust that my child is free from physical violence and the THREAT of physical violence.

The only way I would NOT report that incident to the state is if the director of the daycare told me immediately, something along the lines of, "We had an incident today where an employee threatened to hit one of the daycare children. We recognize that this is extremely unacceptable. This employee has been dismissed and will no longer be allowed access to the business."


Anything else would be unacceptable in my book. I am not trying to be harsh with this mama, or suggest that she should be shut down. I am just trying to give her a perspective of how another parent might feel about this situation, kwim?

[sapphire_chan]

Your mother needs to apologize to the child.