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vaginas and boys - Page 2

post #21 of 114
Hot Topic Fiddlemom, I am almost afraid to post. I was going to say . . . don't do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. If you want to keep you private parts private then tell your boys that. Say "mommies keep their private parts, private." My son sees me naked but he is only 9 months old, so I know I am not a lot of help, sorry.
post #22 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by thismama View Post
Interesting discussion. I'm curious if people would feel differently if the OP's child was a girl?
Nope I wouldn't
post #23 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heavenly View Post
No my kids have not seen their father's penis. We don't feel there is any need for them to see an adult naked. They see my breasts all the time because I am nursing but I just don't see any need for them to see DH or I naked. We are not ashamed of our bodies but they are private.
Well, thing is that is one opinion. There are many other respectable opinions about this issue.
post #24 of 114
Wow, I am really surprised at the responses here.

I would show mine, as I don't think it's inappropriate. My kids (of both sexes) bathe with their dad and I, and can look at our bodies in whatever detail they want. They're just bodies.

If you aren't comfortable showing, though, I would just keep finding more pics for him to look at. Maybe a birth video if he's specifically interested in that aspect of it. There's really nothing else you can do.
post #25 of 114
I also find it inappropriate. My son had asked to see my vagina (as my vulva was visible--we're a nudie family) in the same context. I told him that I didn't feel comfortable with that, that is was my body (which he had latched onto at the time) and we looked at "A Child is Born" book which went over very well.

So, what if you child asked to see your anus? That is also a hidden spot, yk? Not a penis hanging around, or even my vulva that is noticed all the time. It does not feel right to me.
post #26 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heavenly View Post
No I definately would not feel differently. I don't think its appropriate for a grown adult to show their genitals to a child of any gender.
I agree. I'd find a drawing in one of my anatomy textbooks. I certainly don't need my child going to school telling his teacher that he knows what a vagina looks like 'cause mommy showed him hers. If I had a daughter, I would NOT allow my husband to let her examine his penis because she was curious. Same for my son and my body.
post #27 of 114
That it feels inappropriate to you makes it inappropriate, IMO. Part of what we are supposed to be teaching our children is that they have a right to keep their bodies private and I don't think we do that well if we violate our own boundaries.

I would not show either my son or my daughter my vagina. I'm starting to want more privacy from both of them and acting accordingly.
post #28 of 114
No I would not show him. I would explain the parts and then explain that some parts are private and we all have boundaries that are to be respected. Its one thing to see a parent while they are dressing or bathing - quite another for a grown person to lay down and spread it all open for examination.
post #29 of 114
My ds sees us naked quite often, and he runs around naked a good bit.
I just had the same issue recently. We were discussing private parts and he asked to see my vagina. I told him he's seen my external parts (vulva) many times when I get into the shower or am getting dressed, but I don't like to show my vagina to people, it's private. I felt a little bad about it, like I was turning away innocent curiosity because of my own hang ups, but I just didn't feel comfortable showing him either.
I told him I'd get him a book about bodies and body parts with some pictures so he could get a better look.

I say do what you are comfortable with.
post #30 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisie125 View Post
Personally, I wouldn't show him. I have ZERO issues with nudity, but this is a lesson on genital anatomy, and I can't see sitting there in front of my child pulling apart labia and pointing out parts. And this is coming from a mom who will probably walk around the house nude until my child complains about it

I think this is probably a good time for a talk about private parts and modesty.

Perhaps you could find a color anatomy book that would satisfy his interest.

:

+ know that he'll tell all of his friends about it and it may not come across as natural & appropriate when they tell their friends & parents.
post #31 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by sparklefairy View Post
That it feels inappropriate to you makes it inappropriate, IMO. Part of what we are supposed to be teaching our children is that they have a right to keep their bodies private and I don't think we do that well if we violate our own boundaries.
I think this is very well said. I very much want my children to feel that they can set boundaries with their own bodies, and I will do the same with mine.

Our children have seen us naked, me more so than DH, it's no big deal, but to satisfy further curiousity we have books to look at and read.
post #32 of 114
I would probably feel a little strange, though I could definitely understand his curiosity. I think that if you are not comfortable showing him, then you should stick with the "private" idea- it would likely be good for him to learn that not every girl would give in to his curiosity, kwim? But if you are comfortable with it, then I don't think it would hurt. Just make sure he is aware not to expect this from anyone else.
post #33 of 114
There are a bunch of books for kids about the anatomical differences between the genders and how babies are born. You should buy one of those books for your sons to show him what it looks like. I could understand if you are a naked family, and he might see the vulva. Spreading for your son to show him the inside is just weird, bordering on creepy.
post #34 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by OakBerry View Post
My ds sees us naked quite often, and he runs around naked a good bit.
I just had the same issue recently. We were discussing private parts and he asked to see my vagina. I told him he's seen my external parts (vulva) many times when I get into the shower or am getting dressed, but I don't like to show my vagina to people, it's private. I felt a little bad about it, like I was turning away innocent curiosity because of my own hang ups, but I just didn't feel comfortable showing him either.
I told him I'd get him a book about bodies and body parts with some pictures so he could get a better look.

I say do what you are comfortable with.
My son is 3, and he bathes with myself or his dad, so it's not the nudity issue, it's crossing the line of privacy, ykwim? It's an interesting question for me, given that my son may be present when this next baby is born at home. I have shown him birth videos to prepare him but I wonder if I will get questions like your son's after the birth, and how I will handle them.
post #35 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessy1019 View Post
Wow, I am really surprised at the responses here.

I would show mine, as I don't think it's inappropriate. My kids (of both sexes) bathe with their dad and I, and can look at our bodies in whatever detail they want. They're just bodies.

If you aren't comfortable showing, though, I would just keep finding more pics for him to look at. Maybe a birth video if he's specifically interested in that aspect of it. There's really nothing else you can do.
Same here. DS showers and bathes with DH and I. He can look all he wants to at the outside. They are just bodies.His curiosity is pretty tame at the moment. We are pretty clothes free around here so he sees us naked all the time. I don't see any big deal about it. We have had the "private parts" talk already so he respects it pretty well.
post #36 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thalia the Muse View Post
I don't think there's anything wrong with him wanting to see it, but I don't think it would be appropriate to oblige. I would stick with the "that's a private part of my body" explanation you've been giving.
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post #37 of 114
I also think an adult sitting back and spreading them really undermines any message you might give about privacy and not letting another adult do that to your child.

It's just inappropriate. It crosses several boundaries of common sense. And no, CPS would look VERY severely on it. Kids talk. If your kid goes to a friend's house and says, "Mama shows me her privates" or "I got to look at Mommy's vagina", you'll be getting a knock on your door shortly, and for a darned good reason.
post #38 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThreeBeans View Post
I also think an adult sitting back and spreading them really undermines any message you might give about privacy and not letting another adult do that to your child.

It's just inappropriate. It crosses several boundaries of common sense. And no, CPS would look VERY severely on it. Kids talk. If your kid goes to a friend's house and says, "Mama shows me her privates" or "I got to look at Mommy's vagina", you'll be getting a knock on your door shortly, and for a darned good reason.
There is nothing wrong with looking at a vagina, or with showing a vagina. That some people might think so is unfortunate. I say if you don't feel comfortable showing yours, then don't. But please don't place judgement on people who think differently.

I wouldn't have any problem with a close examination of a penis either, by a child of either sex.
post #39 of 114
During a birth? Great
Spreading to inspect others' (parents) ? I am uncomfortable with this but i'm pretty sure that it's my own hang-up/cultural influence.
Inspecting their own? Great

I like the book idea.

I would caution (gently) some of the PPs to be careful with their reactions to curious children. In our culture (particularly the current culture of fear) it is so easy for children to develop shame about their own bodies - that isn't healthy. I think actually, that children with strong sense of their own body and pride in it, will be less likely to be victims.
post #40 of 114
I showed ds birth videos. We found a black and white one on line someplace. Then I realized we had a video of a cousin's birth and showed that to him. I also found a NOVA video about reproduction at a thrift store. There was lots of rewinding and watching the baby come out.

I think ds was intrigued at how something so big could come out of something so small. He wanted to know if I was stretchy like a balloon. I don't have a problem with a kid having a look at his mama but I'm not comfortable with a prolonged hands on examination .
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