vaginas and boys - Page 3

[ThreeBeans]

Originally Posted by abac

There is nothing wrong with looking at a vagina, or with showing a vagina. That some people might think so is unfortunate. I say if you don't feel comfortable showing yours, then don't. But please don't place judgement on people who think differently.

I wouldn't have any problem with a close examination of a penis either, by a child of either sex.

I have no problem showing drawings, or even letting my kid play with the fun 3-D model at the doctor's office. But spreading them for your child....I don't have a problem casting judgement on that. And it's not just me. It would probably be considered grounds for an upheld accusation of child abuse.

[thismama]

Originally Posted by ThreeBeans

I have no problem showing drawings, or even letting my kid play with the fun 3-D model at the doctor's office. But spreading them for your child....I don't have a problem casting judgement on that. And it's not just me. It would probably be considered grounds for an upheld accusation of child abuse.

But weren't you the one who posted that you let your children play in the toilet? I'm sure that would be grounds for some CPS related drama too. Glass houses and alla that... different people have different comfort levels.

[Fiddlemom]

thanks to everyone for your thoughtful responses.

Personally, I'm not comfortable with it, and drawings will suffice. GREAT idea about birth videos--I think both my boys would be totally fascinated--by all means, if they're curious, show them what that body part is FOR (sort of like the difference between showing breasts (sexual) and showing nursing (nurturing).

ITA with PP regarding shame and bodies. I was raised with that and it's tremendously counterproductive. I believe in matter of factly addressing the curiosity, without in any way shaming the child for wanting to know. That said, I believe this can be accomplished regardless of the level of nudity in a family. I maintain my privacy when getting dressed, or bathing--the boys sometimes shower with dad, and occasionally walk in when I'm taking a shower and take a peek. I'm OK with that. I don't act like they've committed a crime, although I prefer at this point to have my privacy.

I also would like to point out that I'm not a child abuser--a couple posters seemed about to call me that!--but rather a parent who is very interested in early and age-appropriate sex education.

DS1 a few years ago kept begging to get to see a baby born. If we hadn't moved a couple of times and made new friends, some old friend would probably would have been happy to have him at her birth.

thanks again! Excellent discussion!

[ThreeBeans]

Originally Posted by thismama

But weren't you the one who posted that you let your children play in the toilet? I'm sure that would be grounds for some CPS related drama too. Glass houses and alla that... different people have different comfort levels.

As a mandated reporter for CPS, I can assure you that letting your child play in the water of a freshly scrubbed toilet would not warrant so much as an eyebrow twitch, where as an adult spreading her legs and letting her child examine her genitals would warrant an immediate home visit. It has nothing to do with different strokes. Nice try trying to use a joke post to make me feel uncomfortable though

[ThreeBeans]

Originally Posted by Fiddlemom

I also would like to point out that I'm not a child abuser--a couple posters seemed about to call me that!--but rather a parent who is very interested in early and age-appropriate sex education.

Just to be clear, I don't think that and I apologize if you felt I was implying that

[abac]

ThreeBeans, even if CPS came knocking at your door, (which I agree they probably would if they heard of an adult showing their genitals to their child,) that still doesn't make it wrong. And implying that it is abusive is akin to saying that if one shows pictures of genitals, they are showing pornography.

[ThreeBeans]

Originally Posted by abac

ThreeBeans, even if CPS came knocking at your door, (which I agree they probably would if they heard of an adult showing their genitals to their child,) that still doesn't make it wrong. And implying that it is abusive is akin to saying that if one shows pictures of genitals, they are showing pornography.

I think abuse has a lot to do with intent. And I seriously doubt anyone who cares enough about their children to be an active participant on MDC wants to sexually abuse their children


I was thinking more along the lines of 'appearances'. Does it suck? YES, it sucks, that sometimes well-meaning parents get investigated for things that were relatively innocent but looked bad. But it has to be done to protect the children in that segment of society where not only does it look bad, it IS bad, kwim? And I know no one here wants or deserves to have CPS knocking on their door. That's why I was talking about inappropriateness and boundaries. Just a word of caution from your friendly neighborhood mandated reporter

[thismama]

Originally Posted by ThreeBeans

As a mandated reporter for CPS, I can assure you that letting your child play in the water of a freshly scrubbed toilet would not warrant so much as an eyebrow twitch, where as an adult spreading her legs and letting her child examine her genitals would warrant an immediate home visit. It has nothing to do with different strokes. Nice try trying to use a joke post to make me feel uncomfortable though

Sorry, was that a joke post? I thought you really did let your children play in the toilet.

As I said at the time, I wouldn't do it, but I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable here. I think to each their own, people are comfortable with different things.

I have also been a mandated reporter for our version of CPS, and IME that would also raise some eyebrows.

Just coz CPS may have a concern about something doesn't make it wrong, as abac said. That was my whole point.

[abac]

Originally Posted by ThreeBeans

I think abuse has a lot to do with intent. And I seriously doubt anyone who cares enough about their children to be an active participant on MDC wants to sexually abuse their children


I was thinking more along the lines of 'appearances'. Does it suck? YES, it sucks, that sometimes well-meaning parents get investigated for things that were relatively innocent but looked bad. But it has to be done to protect the children in that segment of society where not only does it look bad, it IS bad, kwim? And I know no one here wants or deserves to have CPS knocking on their door. That's why I was talking about inappropriateness and boundaries. Just a word of caution from your friendly neighborhood mandated reporter

Sorry, I misunderstood. I did think that you were implying abuse. As for appearances, I agree that people should be cautious, but I certainly don't think that should stop them. I do plenty of things that would cause others to raise their eyebrows.

[sunnylady303]

This is really timely for me as I just got out of the bathtub with my 3.5 YO DD and we had a similiar issue. I was reclining in the tub (which I do every great once in a while because she likes to pour water in my belly button ) and she asked where my poop comes out. I told her that that spot was called an anus and pointed to the general area and told her it was farther back. (I didn't "spread" or anything as some of you have put it.) Then she asked (predictably) where pee pee comes out. I told her what that was called and that I did show her. Then she asked where my vagina was. I had a second to think about what to do and in the end I just pointed it out in the same general way - pointing to the area it was hiding under. She said, "I don't see it - where is it?" I said, "It's kind of buried. Why don't you look for yours?" She also said, "A vagina is your baby hole, right?" Then she wanted me to show her where they all three were on her.

I feel fine about that encounter although she didn't get as much detail in what I showed her on me or what I showed her on her. I did what I felt comfortable with in the moment. I think it would have felt different to me if she had asked when I had clothes on - her curiousity was situational. I guess that's what I think we all should go on is what feels comfortable. As we teach our children to have boundaries about their bodies, we should keep boundaries that we feel comfortable with. Some of you have already said this much better than I. I wouldn't judge anyone for showing her children nor would I judge someone for not. We all have different comfort levels. Also I don't have boys so it's hard for me to imagine. I'm trying to imagine my daughter and my husband but I can't really because he's uncomfortable with her watching when he's peeing or something so I can't imagine him being willing to show her. Anyway. I really do feel that it's all about comfort level.

[forthebest]

In the uk you can walk into any newsagent/cornershop/village shop/supermarket/gas station etc walk over to the porno section, raise your eyes a little( I found several small village shops that had em on the BOTTOM shelf, scuse pun) and you will have an array of vaginas and breasts, oh and fully exposed penis's and all the rest without asking mom what hers looks like so it seems kinda hypocritical that cps and the morality police do zero about this kind of exposure to children or actual child molesters living around us. None of my dc have ever asked to view my genitals and they have seen me naked from time to time. When I was a child I only ever once saw a naked adult apart from in porno mags,which is where we found the pictures of bits we weren't supposed to be looking at! We also used to play games as children where we showed and were shown our genitals, I guess you have to find out somehow. I can relate to the privacy thing, I wouldn't go out of my way to expose my inner genitals to my dc( or my outer ones for that matter) but I don't rush to cover up if I'm coming out of the bath or that and I think a natural, laidback attitude to dressing/undressing helps them understand that there is nothing wrong with our bodies, especially THOSE bits. Somehow though I feel that genitals are made to feel kind of secret and in some instances shameful like we all keep them hidden at all times sort of thing. A healthy approach goes a long way I think.

[L&IsMama]

Originally Posted by cool_mom

There are a bunch of books for kids about the anatomical differences between the genders and how babies are born. You should buy one of those books for your sons to show him what it looks like. I could understand if you are a naked family, and he might see the vulva. Spreading for your son to show him the inside is just weird, bordering on creepy.

Yeah,that. I would get an age appropriate book from the library for him. There's NO way I'm going to sit and show him my private parts. Not appropriate at all.

[L&IsMama]

Originally Posted by abac

There is nothing wrong with looking at a vagina, or with showing a vagina. That some people might think so is unfortunate. I say if you don't feel comfortable showing yours, then don't. But please don't place judgement on people who think differently.

I wouldn't have any problem with a close examination of a penis either, by a child of either sex.

: So,how would you feel if your ds came home from a friends house and told you his friends mom showed him her vagina cause he was curious what it looked like? I would be on the phone reporting the situation as sexual abuse. I see it as totally innapropriate. So is it any LESS innapropriate if it's you showing him than another woman? I don't think so.

[oceanbaby]

If you're not comfortable with it then don't do it. Dh and I both walk around naked all the time, and will until it becomes an issue. Ds1 watched as ds2 was born. (Oh, there's an idea - how about a birthing video?) But I wouldn't be comfortable with an up close examination. Not just because he's a boy, or because he's my child. I wouldn't be comfortable with it if it was my best friend or my mom or my sister either. I don't even like having doctors poking around down there. It has nothing to do with uptight issues about my body.

About the only person I would feel comfortable taking such a close look would be dh, and that's because we have an intimate relationship that I don't have with anyone else. But if someone is comfortable with it, then I don't see anything wrong with it. That's really what body issues are all about, at least how I see it - respecting each individual's comfort level.

[hellyaellen]

i would not feel comfortable showing my vagina to my kids. although for some families it might be completely appropriate. OP it sounds like you might feel similarly to me? i say go with your instincts. that 3-d model sounds like a fun alternative...

oh and dh has allowed both kids an up close look. he was comfortable with it. he hasn't alowed them such a detailed exploration but once but i think that it satisfied their curiousity.

i think there is a bit of a difference between some other mom showing their vagina. that would be innapropriate in most cases i think.

i know there are anatomy coloring books available.

[Fiddlemom]

Originally Posted by oceanbaby

I don't even like having doctors poking around down there. It has nothing to do with uptight issues about my body.

hi oceanbaby ITA.

Originally Posted by hellyaellen

i would not feel comfortable showing my vagina to my kids. although for some families it might be completely appropriate. OP it sounds like you might feel similarly to me? i say go with your instincts.

yes, this is definitely where I'm at.

I think part of what's up for me right now in particular is that we are homeschooling this year, but may send our kids to school next year, and before my kids go into a school setting (if ever) my ideal would be that they have age-appropriate understanding of reproduction...just so they're not picking up all kinds of weird ideas on the playground.

You all have helped me form the distinction I mentioned before between showing (which can be construed as sexual--showing breasts, vaginas, etc) and showing in action (showing nursing, birth videos) is important, at least for me & educating my boys.

This discussion has been very helpful!

[the_lissa]

Originally Posted by Jessy1019

Wow, I am really surprised at the responses here.

I would show mine, as I don't think it's inappropriate. My kids (of both sexes) bathe with their dad and I, and can look at our bodies in whatever detail they want. They're just bodies.

If you aren't comfortable showing, though, I would just keep finding more pics for him to look at. Maybe a birth video if he's specifically interested in that aspect of it. There's really nothing else you can do.

ITA.

[AbbieB]

Wow! As a culture we are so uptight! It's to bad that a young child's curiosity about something so natural is sexualized and interpreted as abuse. It seems to me that the best place for a child's curiosity about body parts to be met is in the home. It's sad that the best that can be done is look at a often less than accurate to real life picture. But just like a PP mentioned we live in this culture and it is our responsibility to keep our children safe within it by not opening up our family to abuse allegations. I hope I am expressing myself well here.

DD is 3 and is very curious of late about her body. She as asked "Where does poopy/pee-pee/a baby come out?" many times over the last month or so. Mostly she is curious about the drawing of the female genitals in one of my birth books. I seem to remember her asking to see my vagina one time and my instinct was to redirect her to look at her own body. She has looked many times. Once she even asked me to point out all of the parts while she was looking at herself and I did. Any attempts she has made to touch me have been handled with a "That's MY vulva." and redirect her hand (mostly she thinks it's funny to pull a pubic hair when I'm toweling off or laying in bed with no underpants and nursing.)

She has also expressed interest in DH's penis when she was 2. Fortunately it is easier to see his genitals and does not require "exploration". I seem to remember her looking at his penis one morning very intently from a distance of about 2 feet and then pointing and saying "What's that?" or something like that.

Since we are a naked friendly house and often sleep in just tee shirts, shower together, and change in front of each other so most questions are/were handled easily in a straight forward manner.

So a question that comes to mind as I write about being a naked house is this: Are nudists with small children a target for CPS? Is there really something wrong with family nudity?

[STBSM]

Question: You say your DH isnt alloweed to wash your DD's privates, what happens if you are away and they need baths. I am only asking because my X and I are divorced and I have no choice, I trust him without a doubt BUT....I was touched by my step-dad as a child so i dont feel it is appropriate either but what how would you handle this??

Again, I agree with you but just asking on what would you do thing?

Originally Posted by RedWine

I have no problems with nudity in our house -- my 4 year old takes baths with dh all the time. However, private parts are just that -- private. For example, she sees his penis in the bathtub, but he doesn't explicitly SHOW her, nor is she allowed to touch. It's private. Also, he's not allowed to wash "down there" on them when he's giving our girls a bath. Why? It's private.

So though my girls see me naked, I would not go to any lengths to explicity show them parts of my "privates." I'd definitely say no, and stick with the drawings and pictures.

[L&IsMama]

Originally Posted by AbbieB

Since we are a naked friendly house and often sleep in just tee shirts, shower together, and change in front of each other so most questions are/were handled easily in a straight forward manner.

Answering questions and spreading your vagina open so your child can look at it are two VERY different things,imo.