constant talking

[witchbaby]

we're really really working towards a more gd household. i swear. i have a short temper but have been trying to reign it in. we have been reading how to talk so kids will listen... and listen so kids will talk along with sibling rivalry and liberated parents/liberated children by the same authors. i really feel what these women have written is true and both the husband and i have been trying to follow the suggested techniques.
i'm good, sometimes. but my patience just goes out the window because my 3 year old will not.stop.talking. constant chattering, even in her sleep (i'm not kidding). sometimes narration ("his hair is standing up!"), sometimes reminescing ("remember when i went to the doctor and..."), sometimes complaining ("moooooooooom! you forgot my bracelet!"), sometimes normal chatter. most of it over and over and over and over and over until she gets the response she wants. i lose it. a lot. i spend a good 18 hours a day not being able to hear my own thoughts (on top of her constant talking, her 14 month old brother grunts and shrieks, as he has decided english is not for him). i try various techniques with her but my blood pressure just keeps rising when i can barely get a word in edge-wise and can barely think and then... i blow up. i oftentimes end up snapping "CALM DOWN. SHUT UP FOR THREE SECONDS."
she also screams when agitated. i ask her to do something she doesn't want to, ask her to stop doing something she's not supposed to, hell, sometimes just calling her name, she screams.
i'm getting so frustrated. i think i need a vacation.

[mamaduck]

You do need a vacation! Honestly -- if you want some peace and quiet, then you have to schedule in some relief. You have to find a way to have someone else take over for you for 20 minutes a day.

Most kids talk constantly between about age 3 and age 5 or 6. Some for longer. They are "thinking out loud." There is so much to learn and know, and their thought processes have only recently shifted from primarily pictures and concepts to primarily language. Its easier for them to think with language if they do it out loud, because it is more concrete.

Also, I'd like to confess something. I don't tune into every word. I have perfected the ability to nod and make listening type noises without giving my full attention to the actual words. My husband thinks that's terrible -- but I am not sure he understands what it is like to be an introverted mama, and spend 14 hours a day listening to child blather on and on and on and on..... It is absolutely crazy making. So I had to learn to know when to give my full attention, and when to tune out. IMO, this is better than trying to silence a child who needs to talk.

[deuxceleste]

Your dc reminds me of my dp.

Just thought that might cheer you up.

[bec]

I had to smile at reading this. My 3 year old does the SAME THING! It's like she has to process everything. She will come into our room in the middle of the night to ask for another bottle. This is fine, and we will get it for her with no problem. but, she can't just wander in and say, "I need a bottle," or even, "Bottle!" No. She has to go through an entire soliliquy about it. "Daddy, I need a bottle, so I can go potty, then lay back down in my warm bed, and put my head on my pillow, close my eyes, so I can fall back to sleep, and sleep all night long until the sun comes up and it is morning again." : It would be really cute if it also didn't wake up the baby in the process. And, of course, she really only has two volumes; loud and REALLY LOUD!

I'm starting to come to peace with it. There's nothing for it, and I'm glad she is able to express herself so very well. It usually makes things very much easier.

My suggestion, when you are starting to feel overwhelmed is to calmly tell her that, "Honey, I know you have a lot on your mind, and I want to hear every little thing that you have to say, but Mommy is feeling a bit overwhelmed right now. Can we try to be quiet for a few moments, and then I'll be able to listen to you better?" I am surprised at how often this works with my little chatter box.

[annab]

I have one of those. I would guess that you have a very extroverted child and that you are somewhat more introverted. Extroverts process the world by verbally bouncing everything off of another person. It is their energy source as well. My little chatterbox drives introverted DH crazy, but as a fellow extrovert, DS and I are happy to have each other. There is never silence in our house. Not ever.

You might check out Mary Kurcinka's Raising Your Spirited Child and read the sections on introverts and extroverts. There are some good tips for handling those types of clashes and understand what makes 'the other' tick.

HTH

[MeredithMommy]

witchbaby,

omg! my 3 1/2 yo dd does the exact same thing. I was coming here to post and see if anyone elses dc was like this.

dd talks all the time!!! We also have a new 3 mo dd and it seems that the more I need the babe to take a nap, the louder my dd is.

She also has a memory like an elephant and if I ever do ANYTHING wrong she will NOT let me live it down. Like once dh and I left her with his parents so we could go see a movie (she was 19 mo, btw) and it was kind of a late show, but we knew that dd would have fun and play with the il's till we got back so we really weren't worried. Well she was absolutely fine with the il's, but when we came home she fussed at me for going to see a movie without her.. WELL, she is 3 1/2 and she still fusses at me at least once a week for leaving her that time to go see a movie.

[hippymomma69]

Ya'll are so LUCKY...I would give anything to have my DD blather on at me! We just found out she has an auditory processing disorder and her speech is very weird and not grammatical. I often cry because I just want to have a normal conversation with my DD (3.5).

Maybe it will help you be more patient with your DD when you realize what the alternative could be....I know that when my DD is driving me crazy running, jumping, screaming, I try to remember that there are moms out there who would give anything for their kid to be that normal and it usually helps me turn my annoyance into gratefulness and a little more patience.

I'm not trying to be flip or anything, just thought a different perspective might be helpful...

good luck with your chatterboxes!
peace,
robyn

[mamaduck]

Robyn, what a wonderful way to look at potentially irritating, but normal, childhood behaviors! I will remember your advice -- to be grateful for each and every little capability our children demonstrate. Thank you for being willing to share that.

[TabbyK]

DS is 4 1/2, and I swear he hasn't stopped talking for at least a year. I'm sure I'll hear all about it when he goes to school too! But that's ok. He was born tongue tied and went completely silent on us there for a while until we figured out what was wrong - he could have potentially stopped speaking after that. So I always try to remind myself that his talking is a good thing. I will admit it does get to me sometimes - especially now that his 2 1/2 yr old sister is getting into the same act. I've tried having the whole "who can go the longest without talking" contests, but they're either not old enough or not competetive enough to care! I have found that with DS I can ask him nicely to please stop talking for just a minute because mommy has a headache and I need a short break. That will usually work for a very short time, but it's enough to let me regroup a little! The other trick I've found is to pop in one of his fave songs and walk in the other room while he sings to that! It's 3 min of no chatter time! I always thought I was a talker, but these 2 put me to shame!

K.

[spsmom]

i have been wanting to post about this! my almost 4 yo ds starts off every day running and doesn't stop until he falls asleep. he just won't stop talking. and on top of that, he can not handle not being part of a conversation so he doesn't allow you to talk to anyone else. and he constantly is interrupting dh, which really gets under his skin. i am definitely subscribing to this thread to hear some of the advice! we just don't know how to explain to him how rude it is to talk over people.

[warriorprincess]

It might help to get her a skecth pad and ask her to draw some of her ideas when you need a rest. Now that my kids are getting older, they can ever write down what's on their mind.

[Ks Mama]

Some ideas.

If it's any solace, my nearly 2.5 year old talks constantly as well. And while it's wonderful that she's got such a great vocab & ability to express herself early, I too have had to work on fine-tuning my patience, and coming up with creative ways to occupy DD or myself when the constant talking or neediness becomes too much for me.

I did want to make one comment from your post, and please don't feel I'm judging you, just observing, from an undertstanding point of view:
If you want your daughter not to scream, you have to work even harder at not screaming at her, EVER. If she even senses screaming is an acceptable way to express herself, by observing you, then she will continue to express herself this way... only, at 3, she doesn't have the ability to rein it in at all... so YOU have to lead by example.

I am speaking from the point of view of a former screamer. When DH & I first got together 12 years ago, I yelled in every argument. I started not to get what I wanted, and I got louder. I have realized, after nearly 13 years of an amazing relationship, requiring a lot of work & sharing a lot of love, screaming is NOT the way to get your message across. And 2.5 years into mothering, I realize that as a SAHM, my daughter gets a heck of a lot more of me - my habits, my idiosynchracies, my phrases, my dialect, my emotions - than sometimes I'd care for her to; so it's really helped me, seeing myself mirrored & amplified sometimes, to realize that I need to, and that I CAN control myself when I'm around her.

If I feel myself losing it, I separate myself immediately. I say simply, and calmly, "Mommy is getting frustrated, I will be right back". I make sure DD is safe, and I go into the other room for a moment. I get a drink of juice, make some tea, run the water & splash my face, whatever I need to do.

It is normal, and OKAY to feel overwhelmed, particularly when you don't feel like you get a moment to yourself, or even a moment of silence. What's not okay, is letting it get the best of you. I'm still constantly working on it... but always remember how you act is a big predictor of how your daughter will act.

A couple of things I have found that work for me are:
1) Not letting myself get hungry/thirsty: If I am either, I am less able to be calm & let the talking or whatever 2 y.o. behavior is happening, go along without reacting.
2) Realizing AHEAD of time when I'm reaching my boiling point, and taking a step away before hand.
3) Setting DD up in the bathroom with toys, books, etc, and getting into the shower or bath, and closing the bathtub glass door. DD has gotten used to this & even senses sometimes when I'm getting stressed & has suggested we "take a shower". We still talk back & forth, but it's much easier to relax under warm running water.
4) Setting DD up with a quiet, hands-busy activity, then fading away for a few moments. Drawing, playdoh, crafts, etc. work great for this.
5) Involving DD in a cooking project - this is SO awesome, I can't say enough about having your little one help with cooking. We have a great step stool so she can be right up at the counter level.

Anyhow, good luck to you - hope this was helpful!

[tatangel19]

DD1 is 8 and has been talking since 10 mo. She is never quiet. I have no answers, since nothing ever works permanently, but I commiserate!

[Strong Mama]

I love my ds talking non stop. He just starting talking at 35 months and wont stop! I am so thankful!

[swampangel]

Just wanted to add that I, also, have a chatty boy. Most of the time, I see this as a huge plus...and something I don't want to discourage as boys tend to be discouraged enough by society not to talk and express themselves verbally.

Anyway, I feel your pain. I love some of the suggestions provided here...I'm going to try them myself.

To the OP, while I feel your pain I also really enjoyed your humor as you described it!

[mavery]

My ds is also a nonstop talker. He's 3.5 and about 6 mos ago I realised that the problem for us was a personality clash, just as a pp mentioned - I am an introvert and like a lot of space to just be in my own head; ds likes talk and people and interaction ALL the time.

(My dh was with him in a restaurant bathroom last week and closed the door; ds said "Daddy, I don't LIKE privacy." That is him all over. )

One thing that helps (when I remember to do it) is to set up a couple of minutes of down time for me ahead of time, before I get exhausted and frustrated. e.g. "Ds, I'm going to play trains for ten more minutes and then I'm going to get a cup of tea and sit quietly for a couple of minutes." Then if I've really given myself over to the playing thing, he usually can tolerate a few minutes of quiet (and I explain to him that I actually need quiet some of the time or my head hurts and I feel cranky, and that some people are just made that way).

Another thing that works REALLY WELL is books on tape. Somehow, the story talking to him fills his "language need", and hearing the story in the background doesn't bother me. I really recommend it! Now that ds is giving up his nap, he will sometimes listen to an hour-long tape in the afternoon, just playing and chilling out in his room. It is heaven!

[Ks Mama]

Originally Posted by Transitions

I love my ds talking non stop. He just starting talking at 35 months and wont stop! I am so thankful!

Oh absolutely! It's wonderful when our children are non-stop talkers, I don't think anyone would deny that it's a great sign developmentally. But it is also understandable, especially in a more introverted Mama, to have feelings of being overwhelmed by a constant need of conversation. And while looking at the "bright side of things" overall certainly imrpoves our general outlook on life, sometimes more practical ideas for coping, particularly when the PP seems at the end of her rope (i.e. screaming at her children), might be in order.

I do agree with you that we should all be grateful that our children ARE great talkers!

[angela&avery]

Just wanted to chime in, my 5 year old was a constant chatter... he has finally stopped... or slowed down!! Now my 3 year old is doing it : . It does get better, hang in there!! Oh and I vote for tuning out!! Wear some ear plugs!!

[crb]

I like mavery's suggestions (hmmm . . .I think I just wrote that same thing last week in another thread . . .)
My dd is a big chatterbox too! I find that when I feel the need for quiet coming on, it helps to REALLY focus on what she is saying, look her in the eyes, engage, respond, and then let her know that I am going to need to concentrate on (whatever it is) for a few minutes and I will set a timer.
If I feel a more urgent need (like "Geez! Just be quiet for two seconds so I can think, girl!) I recently found that if I say "Wait! Shh, did you hear that?" she will give me a moment of silence to listen and then I can break into her chatter and make it more of a conversations (usually the sound is anything we hear in that moment of luxurious silence - a bird chirp, the refridgerator humming, etc.)