Any ideas for grandparent visit?

[peacelovingmama]

My parents are coming to visit soon (around our new baby's due date). Our almost-five-year-old tends to spiral out of control a bit when they come. Other than that he gets very excited, I'm not sure why. Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions for making the visit run as smoothly as possible?

Some examples: DS will badger them to play with him constantly and get very upset if they try to visit with DH and me, what starts as a hug can turn somewhat aggressive (climbing on grandma, squeezing her really tight, etc.). DS is much calmer when they aren't visiting so this is very frustrating for DH and me to watch. I think there is definitely some ego-involvement on our part, i.e., I feel defensive and like I must constantly explain that Sorin really is a great kid, he's just overly excited, etc.

Help?

[mamaduck]

I think maybe just making sure that someone is "assigned" to focus on him at any time that everyone is together. My older one was like this when we had family get togethers, and everyone just worked hard to make sure that he was getting 1:1 the whole time. We sort of rotated playing board games with him, or reading aloud to him, amongst whatever adults were available. We were resigned to the fact that he needed someone to focus just on him.

When that wasn't possible, we gave him jobs to do. Part of the problem for him was that he seemed to feel unsure of his role -- and when that happens, he gets a little obnoxious. So if we set him with a task, then he felt more confident about what he should be doing. He's never been good at just being around and "visiting." But we would ask him to clear dishes, or sort laundry, or wipe the kitchen chairs down, and he would end up being with us - but busy. And that was what he needed.

Eventually, he did become better at self-occcupying so that we no longer have to cater to this need to be engaged during social situations. He knows to carry a book with him everywhere. But in that you are having a new baby, and he is only five, I would really try to focus on providing attention for him and keeping him engaged. Its okay to do this work for him in this situation. He needs it!

A third strategy to try involves sensory stimulation. A lot of kids find it calming to be engaged in an intense sensory activity, so I would be prepared with a variety of activities that might calm him in this way. Some ideas: 1) Things to chew, 2) a large bin of rice or cornmeal to run his hands through, scoop, and drive trucks in, 3) bubbes to blow, 4) playdough, 5) extra bathtime..... I'm sure you can think of plenty more!

Good luck!

[peacelovingmama]

Thanks MamaDuck. Some good advice there. I will especially try to make sure he doesn't get lost in the shuffle. I suspect that he does act out more when he feels overlooked. Planning some activities too (like the sensory stim. stuff you mentioned) sounds like it would help. Thanks!