not telling the whole truth........midwives - Page 2

[1stimestar]

Right, I do get what you are saying. But what I meant was, knowing those things beforehand, can not prevent them. If you know about them, there are things you may be able to do to deal with them effectively in labor, but knowing about them can not make them have never happened. My point was that using the phrase "...or prevented if only they had been honest." was not really an accurate idea. The situations could not have been prevented just by the midwife knowing about them. The way the problem is DEALT with or the woman is treated may be different if the midwife knows about a problem, but that is different then being able to prevent the original situation.

[Beanjeepin]

I lied to my midwife with DS1's birth. : I felt driven to do so to both protect her and have the birth I wanted. My bag of waters started leaking about 48 hours before the birth and ruptured more about 36 hours before the birth. Hospital policy was delivery within 12-18 hours of rupture, no exceptions.

I do recognize that this might not have been the smartest or safest thing to do. There was no *obvious prolapse (and ultimately no prolapse at all) and I took no baths/allowed no cervical checks/was GBS neg at testing. I kept tabs on my temperature. I kept tabs on baby's movement and heartbeat while I "labored" (really, just waited for labor to start) at home before I went to the hospital.

Midwife FOUGHT to allow me to labor from 24 hours from when she thought my water broke (I padded the time from the "big" rupture about 12 hours - that was the information she was going on). I did not want her to get into trouble (she did anyhow, but not over this issue. She *gasp* allowed me to EAT in LABOR!). DS came 27 hours after what I told them was the rupture time, and luckily I went into actual labor those last two hours on my own. Ohh there were fights and stress with hospital "officials" the whole time!

Yes, it might not have turned out as well. I'd hope that I could have been the one to get into trouble and not her since she honestly didn't know (as it was CPS was threatened no less than 3 different times to us). And, FTR, I did not and would not ever lie to my homebirth midwife I used for DS2. She's the only HB CNM within about 3 hours and I was doing anything I could to protect her and her license!

[Aka mommy]

This thread just brought to mind the case of the triplets born at home. The parents and midwife stated they didnt know it was trips. Im sure you can easily mistake 2 for 3? But it just kind of always made me wonder. Did the parents only say there was one, or were they all in the know?

This just makes me wish the laws would CHANGE. When did the way a woman's body gave birth become something that a law can regulate? Why can my 14 yo daughter miss school to have an abortion without any parental consent or knowledge, but I can or cant do certain things about how that 14 yo is born into this world????

[crayon]

Originally Posted by 1stimestar

Right, I do get what you are saying. But what I meant was, knowing those things beforehand, can not prevent them. If you know about them, there are things you may be able to do to deal with them effectively in labor, but knowing about them can not make them have never happened. My point was that using the phrase "...or prevented if only they had been honest." was not really an accurate idea. The situations could not have been prevented just by the midwife knowing about them. The way the problem is DEALT with or the woman is treated may be different if the midwife knows about a problem, but that is different then being able to prevent the original situation.

What I meant was that a medical outcome could (perhaps) be prevented- not that the cause could be prevented, that is already fact- but the outcome and how the pregnancy/labor is dealt with could be different- or trama prevented. Maybe I just wrote it wrong??? I know of women who do not want cervical checks at all during labor and have not disclosed cervical issues in the past- that lead to a very long tramatic labor- that could have been prevented (perhaps) if the MW would have been told and the possiblity of issues could have been addressed.

But to the OP, you can not hold a MW responsible if she was not infromed by your choice to not tell her.

[mwherbs]

and as a note to other providers this is a good reason to have your clients fill out their own forms-- that way it cannot be said you skipped that part of the form--

[GrammyMidwife]

Lie??Why??

I guess I come to this discussion from the midwife's point of view but I can provide ever so much better care if I know what is going on..I'm not just nosey, I just really want to help if I can. Of course I am blessed to work in a place where I have a LOT of leeway as to what I choose to take on..ie:PROM,Vbac, Twins,etc but if I know about previous difficulties, at least I can discuss it with Mom and make appropriate decisions.

[mamabearing]

another thought on lying

To me, you wouldn't want your nurse, or doc, or midwife, to lie to you. Gosh, to me, if I found out someone was lying to me about something about the mom or baby's health...I would feel used. Let's say you have a C/S scar you don't want to tell her about because to you the HBAC is a safe choice...lets say that she sees something that haunts her forever...in labor that might have tipped her into transferring you. Or maybe she genuinely doesn't believe in HBAC, it just isn't right to trick her.

When tragedies happen, I have seen docs, nurses, and midwives change careers. Even if they did everything right. Obviously, parents and babies have so much more trauma when something goes wrong, but care providers do too, and they have the right, I think, to the truth.



Just another voice heard from.

[GrammyMidwife]

Amen to mamabearing.I absolutely have no place in my world for those who feel inclined to lie. If you have had a c/s,a leep proceedure/even a d/c or abortion..these all have the potential to impact the course of your labor. If I personally feel that I cannot safely attend your birth for whatever reason, wouldn't you rather have that up front so that you could perhaps search for other options? If you lie to me, how will I know what to watch for? How can I research and find better ways to help you?
Just my perspective..