My mom's commentary: WWYD? - Page 2

[LovinLiviLou]

I think I would have said "You know, Zeke's been so busy learning and doing other things that we haven't even focused on that yet. You know, just the other day he . . ."

Or if I was in a nastier mood I might have said "Hey, Zeke - how do you like it that we're sitting here talking about you like you aren't here? What do you think we should do about it?"

One of my pet peeves is when people talk about kids like they aren't there or like they don't get affected by it.

[JanB]

Originally Posted by LovinLiviLou

One of my pet peeves is when people talk about kids like they aren't there or like they don't get affected by it.

Yes! THANK YOU! This is offtopic from my original post, but my mom does this CONSTANTLY! My kids will be sitting right there and she'll look at me and say, "So, how is Zeke doing in school lately?"

I usually say, "Well, he's sitting right there, Mom. You can ask him yourself!" But even after dozens of times hearing this from me, she apparently still doesn't get the message. I will not talk about my children in front of them like they are inanimate objects. Hello, they have ears, and brains, and they are perfectly capable of listening to and understanding adult conversations.

Mom went through a fairly acrimonious divorce a couple of years ago, and I cannot tell you how many times I had to ask her to please stop trashing my ex-stepdad (no prince among men, but also the man my children knew as their grandfather) while in the hearing of my kids. (OR my younger brother, who was only 11 years old at the time. : ) A few times she got very offended and hurt and thought that this was some kind of tacit defense of my ex-stepdad, but I had to take her aside and explain that it's not that I thought his behavior was beyond reproach or whatever, it's just that I don't need my kids hearing about what a horse's behind he is, or how sexually dysfunctional he is (guess what, I don't really need to hear that either, thanks a lot, Mom) or whatever. They're kids, not potted plants! Sheesh!

[pookel]

I was still wearing velcro shoes when I was 8. At that age I was in 4th grade, I had read Jane Eyre, and I could do simple algebra. Sheesh!

[AsYouWish]

Shoe-tying was one of the few things I mastered in my childhood on my terms. For some reason when I was 4 years old I decided that shoe-tying was something that only 5-year-olds could do. The morning of my 5th birthday, I announced that I was 5 years old and, therefore, ready to tie my shoes and asked my mom to teach me. And I pretty much learned it that very day, followed by weeks of practice and showing off my new skill. This is a very special memory for me, probably since it stands in such stark contrast to other skills and abilities I was expected to have before I was ready, and all of the frustration and feelings of ineptitude that went along with trying to do/be what other people thought I should do/be well before I was ready to do/be that. Did that make sense?

Hooray for you OP for being such a wonderful advocate for your son!!! I don't know what is the right thing to do in the moment, and I don't have the experience to give advice like that. But I love reading posts like this because it gives me so much hope that when my turn comes, I will be aware enough to do things so much differently than my parents/family and give my children a lifetime of successful "shoe-tying" experiences that help them to see themselves as effective and valuable people with their own voice.

All you GD mamas are great!!!!

[oliversmum2000]

my 6 1/2 yo cannot tie shoes - he wears velcro just like all of his friends and will continue to do so until either his feet get to a size that dont have velcro shoes made in or he chooses to have a pair of shoes with laces.

[PumpkinSeeds]

My almost 6yo is still wearing velcro shoes too. I didn't realize this was an issue for some people.

[TiredX2]

DD learned to tie around 5 and then never wanted to again. Now, at 8 she never wears tie shoes and probably couldn't tie a shoe if you paid her. I never tie shoes either

[MommytoTwo]

Well I agree- my DS is 4.5 and I dont see him being able to tie his shoes anytime soon. My issue would have been more with the fact that she was saying that in front of him. I would probably just say to please not bring up what he can and cannot do in front of him, that he isnt a baby anymore and knows when people are talking about him. Let her think you are keeping her from her grandkids - whatever. I have no patience for that kind of BS - my MIL is like that.

[TripMom]

Originally Posted by JanB

Now, I have said stuff to her in the past about things I consider important, and will continue to do so, but I like to choose my battles and wasn't sure exactly how to handle this one. Maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing. Thoughts?

This is not a battle I would choose.

[jillmamma]

I think I would turn it around on her and say, "Great idea! Do you have any good tips or tricks that might help, or would you like to show him how?" Make it into something where grandma can bond with her grandchild and feel like she is a help. Obviously, if it gets too frustrating for either one, intervene and say enough for now, but if she does not want to show him, at least that should shut her up. That is what I did when I was heavily pg and MIL was pushing potty training DS. She tried a few things and then no longer pushed as much when he clearly was resisting yet.