What to do regarding family members who swear regularly?

[mamada]

I'm not sure if I'm posting in the right spot, but here goes: My SIL (my brother's wife) swears like a sailor and I don't really know how to handle this. Thankfully, we do not spend too much time together as my brother and I do not visit one another regularly. However, when we are together, whether it's at family functions or just meeting one another to stay in touch, she swears a lot as just a part of her regular pattern of speech. It makes me cringe each time because ds (20 months) is almost always with me and he can hear all of our conversation.

I have asked her to please watch her language in front of ds and she will apologize, but then swear again a few minutes later. I don't think she can help it as swearing seems to be just a regular part of her speech. Also, it doesn't help that my brother seems to think that this is really funny and will laugh each time I ask her not to swear.

I think I have to just give up asking her to stop swearing because it's so natural for her to do. I have never been around someone who uses swear words as part of their vernacular. She was not like this when she and my brother were just dating; I guess she was on her best behaviour then. Clearly she is more comfortable now that they are married and she even swears in front of my parents!

Maybe I'm just making too big a deal of this, because I don't think ds knows enough to understand what it is that she's saying. But he will one day. I have already decided to limit my family's interaction with my brother and his wife (they don't have any children yet). She is a perfectly nice person in every other way, but I just can't tolerate her potty mouth!

Have any of you had this sort of experience? What did you do?

[mothragirl]

i would just not make a big deal out of it. you can talk to him about being polite and not using those words if you're not comfortable with him using them, but he is going to be exposed to them eventually.

[Dakota's Mom]

The big time swearers in our house are mommy and daddy. I didn't want my son to pick this language up so I've worked very hard to watch what I say in front of him. Daddy on the other hand just doesn't care. And sometimes, especially in traffic, I've said things I shouldn't. DS used to love to watch Dora. Swiper the Fox when he wants to say something bad says, "Oh Man!!!!!" I taught my son that "F*** YOU" is a grown up bad word to say. Mommies and Daddies shouldn't say it and little kids definitely should not say it. When you're angry you should say "Oh Man." For a long time when I would slip up he would say, "You no say f*** mommy, you say oh man." He would be very persistent until I said it too. He wanted to make sure I changed what I said. It was cute and it worked for me. Now if I say the wrong thing he will just repeat it,"Why you say f*** mommy." He doesn't care that I said it, he wants to know what's wrong.

Like the previous poster said, you can teach your child that it's not polite.

Kathi

[mrsteapot]

This is something that we have alot of experiance with. My DH is in the military. While he is good, we are around people who, well, "swear like sailors" and don't even blink. From an early age we have taken the ignore it approach with the kids if they say the word. We don't even acknowledge they said a word at all. When they got a little older we talked about how there are words we just don't use, that the people who use those words are just being lazy and not thinking of better words to explain how they feel. When they get even older we talk about how they are usually "anger words", and that there are really much better ways to express your anger.
It is hard, but we can't control anothers mouth and what comes out of it, we can control our reactions and our mouths and what comes out. That is what we try to teach our children, which is why I find myself apologising a lot.

I hope you find something that works for your family.

[babygirl24]

If it concerns you I would limit your visit times. I would also be upset with your brothers obvious lack of respect for you. That would bother me!

[afishwithabike]

We don't swear and MOST of the people around us don't swear either. I personally think that children should learn what those words are when they are MUCH older and more capable of understanding that it's not polite speech. Many workplaces etc don't allow for that type of speech so even if you tell them that many times that language isn't appropriate I think that children understand. Especially if Mom and Dad don't use the language themselves. YOU are a bigger example to your children than your SIL is.

[MommytoTwo]

I would not make an issue of it, if you child asks or repeats it I would explain that some things are for adults only to say. I swear in front of my kids (not like a sailor, but things come out) and DS knows that certain things are for growns ups to say.

[mommy68]

Originally Posted by Dakota's Mom

The big time swearers in our house are mommy and daddy.

same here Once they hit a certain age and are in school then believe you me they WILL hear bad words, even as young as preschool age.