5 yo always whining, never happy

[Miss Juice]

What am I doing wrong? My DD1 is so difficult right now. She whines ALL THE TIME. She never has kind words for her sister (2.5), she yells at her instantly. She complains about everything. I feel like nothing I do can make her happy or secure, no matter how hard I try. And I hate to admit it, but the more she whines the harder it is for me not to yell at her... even though I know that isn't going to help anything. She doesn't know why I'm frustrated, and I don't think my 'explaining' it to her is going to do anything but make her feel bad, which is sure to lead to more whining. How do I deal with this? I'm nearing the end of my rope, and will be happy to entertain any suggestions anyone may have.

[Stacymom]

:

No suggestions, just wanted to let you know that you're not all alone in this. My 5 1/2 year old is driving me batty with the same thing. Between the whining and all the back-talking, there are a lot of times I'm feeling not so patient.

I'll be watching for updates...

[jpudsey]

I just want to give you hugs and lots of them. I have been thru this and it pops up now and then at different stages.
I don't know if it will help and it is certainly not a fix it answer, is maybe trying
to have her think of three things every night before bed that she is thankful/grateful for? Then at least she can look back on her day with a little perspective and you can help remind her of the things that she has mentioned and show her new ones throughout the day. Might put a little of perspective for her. I know she is really young but it can't hurt. <shrugs>
Also, letting her know what she sounds like to you and stating that you won't listen to her if she is whining. That always gets my kids to look twice.

[babycatcher01]

First time poster here, HI everyone

I was just going to post something in that order, I also have a 5yo dd and she has become increasingly defient, completly not listening to directions and fighting with her brother constantly. I was wondering if hormones are starting to play a roll. My friend her dd is 6 and developing breast,
Iam trying to find was of dealing with it with out the yelling and tears on her part. She is very emotional when she dosnt get her way, dosnt through fits of screaming rolling on the floor just crys.

Any wise moms out there who know about girls, hormones, emotions, ect?

[Miss Juice]

I can't tell you how much I appreciate the hugs and commiseration. It's good to know it's not just us. I can deal with "developmentally appropriate but supremely annoying" behavior, if I know that's what it is. We're focusing on rephrasing things, trying different tones of voice, etc., as the moods allow. It's just so tiring.

[G-love]

More commiseration without any answers! My just-six year old DS is very complainy lately (why can't I go to the NHL game? why can't I have a $100 NHL jersey? why don't we ever go on airplanes? plus run of the mill "THAT's for dinner? yuck!"). He's also pretty mean and annoying with his 2.5 year old sister. I try to call him on the tone of voice and on provoking his sister, but frequently get sucked into being angry and lecturing or yelling at him, which doesn't seem very productive!
We're in snow land here, so I'm hoping once spring comes and he can bike outside, play street hockey, play with kids his own age, etc, he'll have less energy to focus on all his "woes" and on his always-ready teasing victim... Or at least maybe I'll have some new perspective by then!

[lilgreen]

Hang in there! Keep being positive. I hope it passes like it did for ds. It turned out to be just a phase. I thought we were cursed with a whiny ds for good because it lasted so darn long, but now he's 5 1/2 and he's back to his sweet self.

Thank goodness!!

Best of luck!

lilgreen

[mesecina]

Oh, I wish I knew the answer! My 5 1/2 year old is the same way. Whiny, unwilling to do anything for herself, and if I try to get her to ask nicely, she'd rather have a tantrum than comply. I thought we'd be done with tantrums by now...

I do think some of it is linked to her also going through a very picky eating stage, so I think she's often grumpy due to being hungry, but won't admit it. This is a new thing for us, so my dealing-with-a-picky-eater skills aren't developed yet. I keep hoping it's a short phase.

Here's hoping all our whiners figure it out soon!

[RubyWild]

I would try to find a way to catch her being pleasant and compliment her on it. My Dd and I were having trouble where it was a big crying, whining waaa-fest everyday when I picked her up from school. I talked to her about it, which didn't really help, and then one day she didn't cry or whine and I complimented her and gave her a high five for it. I said, let's see if we get to high five tomorrow. It has worked for 4 consecutive school days.

The trick is to catch them on their one good day or moment.

[Miss Juice]

Originally Posted by G-love

More commiseration without any answers! My just-six year old DS is very complainy lately (why can't I go to the NHL game? why can't I have a $100 NHL jersey? why don't we ever go on airplanes? plus run of the mill "THAT's for dinner? yuck!"). He's also pretty mean and annoying with his 2.5 year old sister. I try to call him on the tone of voice and on provoking his sister, but frequently get sucked into being angry and lecturing or yelling at him, which doesn't seem very productive!

That's pretty much exactly what we're dealing with. The other day I was wearing black socks with hearts on them. Surely there's nothing offensive in that? Not so. "Why don't I have any heart socks?" Followed by five minutes of wailing about the lack of heart socks. And everything is "disgusting". I try so hard not to be discouraged. It really does help to know it's not me, I haven't somehow ruined her life, which is how it feels from time to time.

Originally Posted by RubyWild

I would try to find a way to catch her being pleasant and compliment her on it.

We do this as often as possible. When she manages to ask for something sans whining, I tell her I appreciate it. When we have a successful morning, I like to talk about how good it feels to work together and have everyone be happy together. And I know she gets it because she'll sometimes say the same things back to me.

[Kindermama]

Find out what feeling she is feeling so she can have a word for it and be able to communicate with you about said feelings.

Once you think she's got a grip on the new words, set up a rule that you will only listen to her normal voice. Tell her to use "her words".

[katallen]

As children get older fairness and their own space becomes more important to them, is there something going on with her sibling that makes her think that she is getting the short end of the stick or having her space invaded. That may be why she can't stand her. It might help her to feel some sense of justice and less resentment if she can get some of her own space and her own toys and havethem just for her unless she feels willing to share it and to have her space respected.

[Peacemamalove]

Same here!

I am in the same situation! My 5 year old son is always whining and just fights with his sister 2.5 ! Not sure why all I can think of is that he is just going through a growth spurt since nothing has changed in the home.

Definitely looking to hear others advice!