help!my 3yo is tearing EVERYTHING! (but especially my books!grrr)

[reepicheep]

My son has begun almost compulsively tearing everything in sight, but especially paperback books. It is driving me crazy, and I can't figure out how to stop him. I really need some advice. I know he is only 3 and has poor impulse control etc. but really, he almost seems to be doing it to spite me sometimes. And today, he asked to see a bookmark I have. I was wary but allowed him to because I didn't want him to feel untrusted. I told him, "Here it is... it is very delicate so please be very gentle with it." He immediately tore it, and I felt like a naive schmuck. I am so angry!! And I feel so... stupid. I cannot put every book or bookmark out of his reach b/c we have 5 floor to ceiling bookshelves. I think mostly I just want to vent, but any advice/insight would be helpful.
thanks,
Rachel

[reepicheep]

I forgot to say that I do give him opportunities to tear things-old papers and such, not books b/c that would be confusing. And I have asked him to say, "Can I tear this?" before he tears something, and he sometimes does this.

[reepicheep]

has anyone had this issue, and if so, how did you handle it?

[mags]

Hmmmm, can you distract him into doing something else? Maybe he likes the texture and sound of hearing paper rip. Can you maybe give him some bubble wrap to pop instead? It might get him sidetracked enough from tearing books that maybe he'll loose interest in it? I remember that bubble wrap was always such great fun as a kid. Ask around to friends and family to see if they have any bubble wrap they can spare.

[OakBerry]

When ds was a toddler, I had to pack up any book that I wanted to keep nice and put it out of his reach. The only thing he got to have was board books. If he asked for a paper book, I'd tell him that he could read them when he was able to do so without ripping them. He could look at them with me helping, if he wanted. If he started to rip, I'd tell him "we don't rip our books" and put it away. He started ripping about age 2, and around 3 he was not doing it anymore.

[kennedy444]

Is he doing this because he is bored? Maybe his way of asking you to come and play with him? Can he have a friend come over to play with?

One quick idea -- I just made homemade clay/playdough and it kept the kids busy at the table for 45 minutes (I'm babysitting two girls 8 and 3) in additon to my 2 yr old. That's a fun activity.

Outside running around in the yard or at a playground is sure to burn off lots of energy.

If it is just ripping that he wants, how about getting old magazines from the library or a large phone book. Make it clear that he has to clean up what he rips. Keep a bag nearby so he can rip the pages and place them right in the bag.

[AbbieB]

Why is ripping so much fun? DD (3.5) is in and out of this phase.

I try to redirect. I let her rip paper, old magazines, TP (she likes to make squares), newspapers, paper bags... what ever is on hand. It has helped to have a permanent space with paper, markers, scissors, hole punch, pencils, etc available to her. We set up a folding table in the office for her. It's often a messy place but it is her space and she uses it everyday. I think it has pretty much eliminated her destroying "stuff" around the house. She now has a place to go to work out her urges.

[reepicheep]

Thanks for all your ideas! I am going to try the dedicated space idea-that may be just the ticket (I hope.) However, the only real place I could put it is on our balcony, which I am wary of, because his second-favorite activity is throwing things off of the balcony onto our neighbors' porch below--in fact his shoes are sitting there right now! As for that, I give him things that are ok to throw like birdseed and bread crumbs, but those don't seem to appeal to him. This is sort of an ongoing issue- tearing books, throwing things off the balcony, throwing things down the toilet (THAT little hobby just cost us $250 and a weekend without a toilet.) Gee, I guess this is about more than tearing books! Please tell me this is a passing phase, and not just the tip of the iceberg...
Rachel

[babygirl24]

Hope that works for you!

[reepicheep]

thanks, I think...