Boys (8): Dad says....

[lizann]

Hi,

My son is 8 years old. My husband says I'm the momma bird and it's time to push him out of the nest. Does anyone understand what he means when he says that?

He thinks that he is still babied. (?) He is the oldest of three. I have 5 and 3 year old girls.

My son and I have a wonderful bond. Little chit chats at night before he goes to bed. And I fix his covers for him. My hubby chuckles and tells me to enjoy it while he still lets me do that.

But I'm very unclear about the conversation I'm supposed to have with my son.

I've read a few 'boy' books and haven't heard that terminology before. I plan to talk to hubby about this again. But just wondering if anyone else with boys older knows what I'm talking about.

Thanks!
Peace and blessings,
Liz

[marybethorama]

I guess I understand it

but I don't agree with it.

Your ds is only 8. Why rush it? There is nothing wrong with your relationship with him.

I'd reccomend "Hold on to your kids" -it discusses the value of remaining connected with our kids.

[Twocoolboys]

I understand it too and also don't agree with it. My ds will be 8 in 2 months and I still tuck him in at night and we still have bedtime conversations. I love it! I will continue for as long as I can.

If your dh is worried about your ds being independent, there are other, age-appropriate ways to foster independence without shutting down an important time of communication.

[blsilva]

I'm sorry, but I totally disagree with your dh. I think that the things you are doing are not babying your son. They are strengthening your bond, which makes your ds more confident and happier, and helps him feel more secure.
Has your ds said that these things are bothering him? If so, then he may have hit a milestone where he wants a little more independence. But if your ds is happy and comfortable with your routine, then why change it?
Trust me, when he is ready to stop it, he will be confident enough to tell you- and that will be because he feels secure enough in your love to grow up at his pace.
So much emphasis is placed these days on boys "toughening up", and I think its completely unnecessary. Kids (boys and girls) grow and mature at their own rates, and they all need a strong bond with their parents.
Enjoy these moments while they last, and don't worry about it.

[limabean]

Originally Posted by lizann

My hubby chuckles and tells me to enjoy it while he still lets me do that.

I would just say, "Thanks, I will" and keep on doing it.

[lizann]

Thanks for the thoughts. I completely feel the same. He is my only son, and I do enjoy the cuddling that we do. And I know that things will change someday, and the bond we share has a strong foundation. It's nice to know that I'm right on with my feelings and practices with other mom like you.

I did say thanks to my husband for sharing his chuckles with me. I know it's hard for men in this generation also. They were brought up to be such 'no cry' boys and toughen up. ("suck it up!") My hubby won't do that with our children, although I can see him falling into that trap sometimes, especially at his time of frustration when "the kids just aren't behaving" the way he expects them to. It's my mild mannered parenting, he thinks. I laugh at him. Hey, are kids are great. They are secure and independent.

It is a challenge for me as my children grow up. DS has gotten so big so fast. I know he's in the second stage of his life where I'm not the center of his world. And it's a whole new learning experience for me.

I'll stick my ground and 'baby' him all I want.

[MommytoTwo]

That seems kind of odd... kids will push their parents away when they are ready - the 12 year old who says "ew" when his mom kisses him, the 14 yr old who makes her mom drop her off a block before school, etc etc.
I dont think there is anything wierd about what you said - you have a bond with your son and that is great.

[CarrieMF]

Is it possible dh is jealous of the relationship between you & your ds? that he would like to have that kind of relationship with him(if he doesn't)

[lizann]

No, I don't think he's jealous. He just thinks I do too much for him. He's an average 8 year old boy. Doesn't want to do his chores, sloppy room, doesn't always want to bathe...etc. Dh feels he should be doing more on his own, being more responsible. Just like that *snap* But as a mom, I'm always trying to teach him and give him chances. I'm the easy one, I guess. Dh thinks I should be harder on him. "time for him to grow up" But why I say, he's got plenty of time to grow up. He's just a little boy. (I love my little boy!) I still see him as a toddler. I nursed him till he was almost four. That was ONLY 4 years ago. you know? it's so hard to watch them grow up and move on...I want to hold onto that. And I know dh knows that too. I just want to slow it down a bit.....

[blsilva]

Originally Posted by lizann

I just want to slow it down a bit.....

ITA. I think kids are encouraged/forced to grow up too quickly. They will definitely tell you when they are ready to move on. Like my ds night when he was 3.5: "Mommy, can I not nurse tonight."
Well, okay then!
Good for you for doing your own thing!