on how to discipline the children. He wants to spank, slap hands, yell, and at times he uses shaming (to ds, dd is a little young to totally get shaming).
I have been working so hard to be GD, I try not to yell, I try not to hit, I walk away, I have read books, ds and me are in therapy, etc....I have been mostly successful. I do better every day.
DS (7 yrs) is a handful, if you look at previous posts it will give more detail, suffice it to say he is special needs, and has a lot of issues outside his control and therefore is mega-spirited (um, and honery
)
DD(15 months) is really very smart, she is all over the place, climbing everything, loves to do something she *knows* she shouldn't be and watches our faces to see what we will do. She has never been spanked and I would like to keep it that way.
The reason for this post is that last night I went to the store and dd stayed home w/ her daddy. When I came home he says, dd got her hand smacked while you were gone...I said, what??? why??? is she okay??? I was so angry and sad about it (I am already having a rough time w/ SO)...he said, she wouldn't leave the water cooler alone and flooded the floor again. She had done the same darn thing on Sat. evening and slipped in the water and really bonked her head good (btw...she is just fine). I told SO that I don't want him to hit our daughter, ever. She won't understand it. He said he is trying to make her remember what not to do. I said, well, she will remember that daddy causes her pain...she prolly won't remember what she wasn't supposed to do, and she will be scared of you. He said BS...that physical punishment works, worked for him, etc...to which I said BS.
How do we get on the same page with this stuff? I am going to explain how children who's hands are smacked tend not to explore as much because exploration (not specifically the water cooler, outlets, etc) causes pain.
It's hard for me to make him 'get it'...because he and I aren't doing so great lately. I find that he doesn't watch dd as closely as I do, and then gets pissed because she does something she shouldn't. He rarely tries redirection and I have told and shown him how to redirect her over and over. Also, he won't get rid of some of the crap he owns to help make the house safer for a little child to explore without getting into too much trouble. Not that the house is a deathtrap, there are just a lot of things to try and keep her out of....you cannot go sit on the back porch for 20 minutes and than be surprised that dd is into something or has made some sort of mess....
I am at the end of my rope here
:, ds has been hard to manage, dd is adventerous and curious beyond my(and SO) ability to keep her safe without constant supervision, and SO and I just don't agree about GD, he thinks I am a hippy. I just want my kids to grow up better adn healthier than we did....what do I do????
:
I have been working so hard to be GD, I try not to yell, I try not to hit, I walk away, I have read books, ds and me are in therapy, etc....I have been mostly successful. I do better every day.
DS (7 yrs) is a handful, if you look at previous posts it will give more detail, suffice it to say he is special needs, and has a lot of issues outside his control and therefore is mega-spirited (um, and honery
)DD(15 months) is really very smart, she is all over the place, climbing everything, loves to do something she *knows* she shouldn't be and watches our faces to see what we will do. She has never been spanked and I would like to keep it that way.
The reason for this post is that last night I went to the store and dd stayed home w/ her daddy. When I came home he says, dd got her hand smacked while you were gone...I said, what??? why??? is she okay??? I was so angry and sad about it (I am already having a rough time w/ SO)...he said, she wouldn't leave the water cooler alone and flooded the floor again. She had done the same darn thing on Sat. evening and slipped in the water and really bonked her head good (btw...she is just fine). I told SO that I don't want him to hit our daughter, ever. She won't understand it. He said he is trying to make her remember what not to do. I said, well, she will remember that daddy causes her pain...she prolly won't remember what she wasn't supposed to do, and she will be scared of you. He said BS...that physical punishment works, worked for him, etc...to which I said BS.
How do we get on the same page with this stuff? I am going to explain how children who's hands are smacked tend not to explore as much because exploration (not specifically the water cooler, outlets, etc) causes pain.
It's hard for me to make him 'get it'...because he and I aren't doing so great lately. I find that he doesn't watch dd as closely as I do, and then gets pissed because she does something she shouldn't. He rarely tries redirection and I have told and shown him how to redirect her over and over. Also, he won't get rid of some of the crap he owns to help make the house safer for a little child to explore without getting into too much trouble. Not that the house is a deathtrap, there are just a lot of things to try and keep her out of....you cannot go sit on the back porch for 20 minutes and than be surprised that dd is into something or has made some sort of mess....
I am at the end of my rope here
:, ds has been hard to manage, dd is adventerous and curious beyond my(and SO) ability to keep her safe without constant supervision, and SO and I just don't agree about GD, he thinks I am a hippy. I just want my kids to grow up better adn healthier than we did....what do I do????:
s to you mama, I guess things are tough all over.
hijack away....I'll take all the help I can get on this one
