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SO shouldn't do housework b/c he's the provider?? - Page 2

post #21 of 140
My partner does a ton of the housework... its never ending!. We have a pretty equal relationship. When he is home he does lots and lots of housework, wakes up early with the kids every morning and makes them breakfast and does the nighttime routine with them as well. He misses them when he is at work so he enjoys spending time with them when he is home.I am pretty lucky as far as I can see in comparison to many relationships that I see around me.
When we are both home though we can get the house in really top shape in an hour together. I take care of all of the main meals( besides the kids breakfast) and organising everything ( homeschooling, finances, household, mealplanning etc.) We both have it good in my opinion!
post #22 of 140
DH does most of our housework. I do most of the laundry (though he often picks up slack on that) and all of the money management and paperwork. He does most of the cooking and subsequent cleaning, takes out the trash, cleans out the kitty litter, etc. We recently hired someone to do the basic house cleaning (floors, dusting, bathrooms, kitchen) as I wasn't accomplishing much of that with DD on me 24/7, and we wanted DH to be with us in the evenings/weekends, not cleaning house. When DD will go to daddy for a little while I want a break, not to scrub the bathrooms.
post #23 of 140
I dont agree with her. I dont expect my DH to do a whole lot when he gets home but I do expect him to take out garbage, keep up with the lawn and household repairs, help pick up if its a mess and above all else - PICK UP AFTER HIMSELF. No need to make my job harder than it is.

I dont expect him to do laundry or dishes etc during the week but I do on weekends. He does bathe the kids every night and gets them ready for bed while I clean up after dinner.
post #24 of 140
My MIL feels this way too. But I do not. I do take care of most of the household cleaning and management but DH is responsible for taking out the garbage, clearing the dinner table and putting food away, cleaning the living room and dining room, cleaning the downstairs bathroom and fixing anything that needs repairs in the house or the cars. I take care of DS and do any other housework.

However, sometimes I do DH's household chores and he does mine. Especially on weekends. We tend to take chores on 50/50 on weekends. He also cooks dinner on Saturday and Sunday.
post #25 of 140
His job = 100% work outside of the home
My job = 100% house work
Our job 50/50 child care.
post #26 of 140
I think that's insane. It's not only extremely difficult to take care of housework when you're home with kids, but housework is 24/7, and most jobs are not. Enough said. She's just rude.
post #27 of 140
Originally Posted by Hazelnut View Post
but housework is 24/7
Not really.
post #28 of 140
I was a sahm for 3 years and I did all the house work. I did consider it part of my sahm "job". the problem with this is that now I work 40 hrs a week, do all the house work and child care for ds (he's four, goes to preschool full-time). So, I think next time I would MAKE dh be responsible for SOME housework so that he doesn't get out of the "groove" of it! it's hard hard hard to retrain men!:
post #29 of 140
Originally Posted by Hazelnut View Post
I think that's insane. It's not only extremely difficult to take care of housework when you're home with kids, but housework is 24/7, and most jobs are not. Enough said. She's just rude.
Originally Posted by Sharlla View Post
Not really.
nah.. just 23/6.5
post #30 of 140
Well then we can agree to disagree. No, I'm not cleaning literally 24/7, but picking up, dishes, chores, etc. don't go away because it's 5pm or 7pm or whenever else. It's constant. There is no end of the workday b/c I live there, unlike my spouse's job.

Originally Posted by Sharlla View Post
Not really.
post #31 of 140
I guess everyones SAH experience is different. I literally do about an hour of cooking and cleaning a day (and never any housework after dinner)
post #32 of 140
My husband and I split the house work 50/50. His day job is going to his offiec and working for pay. Mine is raising the kids.
post #33 of 140
I mostly lurk here. We're a one-income family in anticipation of kids. Even now, BEFORE turtle has children to deal with, I would never, ever expect her to do EVERYTHING required in terms of housekeeping. That's just silly.
post #34 of 140
So, SAHMs, does your working SO do any housework when s/he is home? Am I nuts for thinking she's out of line for thinking I should take care of EVERYTHING home related b/c I'm home w/ my kids all day?
I think it's kinda wierd that she would tell a man he oughtn't to help his wife out if he wants to! Maybe she's jealous?

I don't expect my husband to do housework, and don't ask it of him. Most of the time, I'm on top of things and I'm glad to do it. But if he wants to wash the dishes (which he does rather cyclically, and the more pregnant I am, the more often he does them--sometimes he even sends me away from the sink if I get there before him!), I never tell him not to. :
post #35 of 140
Well I haven't read the thread yet because I have to jump in and ask, why are you justifying yourself? Who cares if you have 3 kids or 10 or 1? IMO the "M" in SAHM stands for Mom, not Maid!

My DH helps out w/ the housework (but not 50% for sure) because that's part of living in a family. We all make messes, we all clean them up. It's our house so it's our responsibility to keep it nice. I have to say, though, I met a mom who felt her husband shouldn't do any work because she was the SAHM. I actually thought that was really cool and wished I could think that way. However, I DON'T and wish DH would come home and mop the floor right now!

That coworker sounds like a real troublemaker and rude to boot!

ETA: I think that partners who feel they should do all the work are few and far between. IRL I know 2 dads and one mom who do 95% of the childcare and housekeeping. One dad is a SAHP, one works 40+ hrs a week and the mom is at home. Each one of them feels they should do most/all the work. Oh, and all 3 spouses are slobs!
post #36 of 140
I actually want to do most of the housework - but in exchange dh has to watch the kids long enough for it to get done. But our system is not great. DH does have chores - trash duty, litter box, yard work (though I do alot of that too, because I like it), maintence - he pitches in on dishes when they pile up.

I can't really imagine how I could get 50% child care out of dh - that would be *ideal* for me, but unrealistic. He gets home 2 hours before dd goes to bed MAX. I can't ask him to nurse the baby all night long.

An hour of cooking and cleaning would not in a million years result in a clean house at my house. Perhaps if we lived in a small apartment with very few posessions.
post #37 of 140
LOL!!!!!!!!! Pshaaaaaaw is she kidding? My DH uses the dishes and wears clothes and makes messes just like everyone else around here. He takes over on the weekends and we take turns making dinner and doing laundry and stuff during the week. He has ALWAYS been helpful, oh yeah and he exclusively mows the lawn in the summer. Sorry, you make the mess you clean it up! I don't really care how many hours you worked in the week. Now, I take care of things like the bathroom, the floors, dusting, sweeping, weed-pulling, things like that because obviously DH doesn't have time to keep up with those things. But he does at least wash his own clothes when he gets a chance! Gah!
post #38 of 140
She must of meant that since he earns so much $$ he shouldn't do the work himself, he should hire a housekeeper to do it instead. If not, she's nuts.
post #39 of 140
I am sorry you are feeling unhappy with her comments... hate to say this but in many ways I agree with her. I really am a happy housewife: I am in school full-time (on the weekends when dh is home), write-from-home, care for our 3 month old that is ebf, and I do all the cooking and cleaning. My dh works 18 hours daily six days a week there is no way I would ask him to clean the kitchen after that day...I would rather he have time with the baby and I.

That said I am extremely happy & don't feel I have a reason to complain. I have moments of exaustion and my dh will step in and assist or I will hire a houskeeper for an extensive clean occasionally but in general it is me, all the time.

I do agree that this might be unrealistic with three or more under three but think the challenge is fun.

There is a really cute book to look at for inspiration: Happy Housewives http://www.vromansbookstore.com/NASA...=9780061137792
post #40 of 140
I think it really depends on the arrangement you worked out ahead of time - we agreed that I would stay home with the kids when they are small and hopefully homeschool them. I *never* signed up as a housekeeper (and made that clear from the get go). Our house looks the way I imagine a house would look if 2 people worked full time and didn't have enough money for a housekeeper - which is exactly what we are!
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