temper tantrums in the 9-month old?

[mandolyn]

Hi!
I had no idea temper tantrums could start this early, but it seems they have! My wonderful 9.5 month daughter seems to have them when I take something away from her that she shouldn't have. I always explain "Not for Julianna" and give her a reason, but this young, she probably doesn't understand, and just knows that she wants it! I'm reading Dr. Sears' Discipline Book but so far, I haven't found anything that will work with a child this young. She is very mobile (she's been army-crawling since 5.5 months) so it's possible she is just a very active, curious child by nature. Any advice?

Thanks,
Mandy

[tubulidentata2]

I am new to this, too, but I think you are doing the right thing by giving her a reason, even if she can't understand yet. My baby is 10 months old and has been having tantrums for awhile. I try to avoid the need to take things from her too often. The areas where she plays are pretty well baby-proofed, we give her lots of areas to explore (cupboards, magazine racks, etc.), and our list of what is off-limits is probably pretty minimal compared to many (for example, she is allowed to chew on leaves and dirt). When I do need to take something from her or stop her from doing something, I try to replace the item with something else or redirect her to a similar activity. I comfort her while she is crying, I tell her that she must be very disappointed/frustrated, and I tell her that I love her.

We have the most difficulty with this when spending time with other babies, since they each want what the other has, yet none are old enough to understand that they can't take things from others!

I think she is definitely active and curious, and that is great! That's how they learn.

I'm interested to hear if others have more helpful suggestions.

Good luck!

~Carrie

[happeeevraftr]

It's funny, before my second daughter was born (she's 9 months now too), I heard people talk about babies this young having tantrums and I thought they were crazy; how ridiculous. Babies that young don't throw tantrums.

Now I know what they meant. This baby, from the time she was about 5 months, would be absolutely hysterical if I took something out of her hands. Actually, at that age, it happened even if SHE dropped it, because to her, it was no different. The thing she was interested in simply wasn't in her hands anymore, and that made her furious. She would/still does scream and have huge tears in her eyes, and she'll do it for much longer than you would think such a small baby would maintain her upset-ness.

I still don't see it as a tantrum though. And I think it helps not to look at it like it is. To me, tantrum implies that she is being bad, being a brat, overreacting just because something silly didn't go her way. But at this age, I am positive it is no more than not understanding AT ALL why the thing she was holding (or even crawling to obtain) was suddenly taken out of her hand/sight.

Babies this young cannot see understand danger or breakable or anything like that. They just understand, "This feels/looks neat. I like it...Whaaa? Where'd it go? Why is that really fascinating object no longer in my hands? I was holding that!"

The only thing I know to do is quickly find a substitute and get the other object out of sight. It is fine to offer a reason and talk in a soothing, reassuring voice, but do it with the knowledge that she doesn't get it, not in the least, at this age. Eventually she will, and it's a good habit to get into, but this young, I don't really think it makes a difference.

But I can offer you some sympathy, at least, because now I understand exactly what people were referring to when they talked about little babies throwing tantrums. I try to see it from her perspective though, which has got to be really confusing, since babies just EXPECT to have all their wants and needs met, and so when they aren't, it must be really confusing/hard for them.

[Aeress]

i make trades with this age. If they are eating a book for example, I give them something they can chew on. (though honestly, at home, i don't mind if they chew on books just a little).

If they are going to the plugs, I give them something they can out things in or pull things out. You could try making some pull tubs or pull boxes. Take a small cardboard box and punch a small hole, one on each end of the box. Then attach scarves end to end. The child can pull and pull the scarves. Do the same idea with a cardboard paper towel/tp tube.

Of course, there are time when this just won't work and I try to empathize with them and hold them while they cry. (though my oldest didn't go for the holding her part, so she would sit next to me with her head in my lap).

It is tough to be 9months. You can do alot of things and there is so much you want to do that isn't safe, so you get fustrated. My oldest loved to try and unplug cords...we hid most of them behind stuff but every once and awhile, she would find a cord and delight trying to unplug it. By 12 months she had moved on to climbing on stuff...
I do believe in making rooms "yes" rooms where kiddos can explore freely without having to be told "no", but I know it isn't always possible to be 100%.

[mommytomahmoud]

my baby who is 8 months old does the same thing he loves being in the kitchen but he is not allowed and i dont like child gates

soo every time he goes in their i pull him out and tell him nooo baby is not allowed u can get hurt and i give him toys to play with while i cook in the kitchen but he can watch me

and if he gets somehting he cant have i take it away telling him noo baby can not have this u can get hurt and he crys and i give him a toy and he is fine

but i heard it is good to keep telling them over and over why they can not have something that way they learn

ayah

[hempmama]

At this age it might help to see what's behind the desire for that particular object. Cord? Can you guys play with a string together? Knife? Is it the metal- maybe a spoon? Wallet- honestly I just got a 2 collar wallet with little cards in it they could pull in and out of the slots- so satisfying. I can see why they liked it.

[tubulidentata2]

Originally Posted by brendon

You could try making some pull tubs or pull boxes. Take a small cardboard box and punch a small hole, one on each end of the box. Then attach scarves end to end. The child can pull and pull the scarves. Do the same idea with a cardboard paper towel/tp tube.

I love this idea! I'm making some tomorrow.

Originally Posted by brendon

I do believe in making rooms "yes" rooms where kiddos can explore freely without having to be told "no", but I know it isn't always possible to be 100%.

I totally agree.

[AlbertaJes]

My DD tantrums too. We do redirection and distraction. I also have all the "no" items out of the living room and the kitchen/dining room except the VCR, and she's pretty good about that most of the time. Then I put a gate at the hallway, and she has a big 14x30 room to explore. She loves to investigate things, so I don't put things up just to put them up, I only put them up if she *really* shouldn't have them.

I also cleaned out the bottom drawer in our kitchen (we only have 4) and put her toys in it. The next drawer up is just towels. So she has 2 drawers to pull things out of and play in.

[georgia]

I would try to continue to focus on what she can have/can do/can touch rather than the nos/nots/etc. It really helps to set yourself up for the positive to occur, and make your surroundings as baby-friendly as possible. There are some excellent books, but off the top of my head, I would recommend checking out the book Becoming the Parent You Want to Be b/c it has some great developmental stuff in there Dr. Sears is okay, but he's definitely not a favorite of mine

Also, for future reference, I love this article about tantrums

[serenityjewell]

I agree with redirecting and shortening your list if no-nos. We just started using a non-lidded cup and I realized, first hand, how many parenting trends are based on our desire for convenience and cleanliness and not because of safety concerns.
Keep at it! You're doing great!!

[aoibhneas]

My DD who is now a year was also like this at 9 months - I got such a shock, I wasn't expecting it -like you Mandy I had been reading Dr Sears Discipline Book and was thinking that I wouldn't have to deal with tantrums til she was nearer to 2, but then one day I tried to take her away from the window I had had her standing on looking at birds and she went ballistic on me - I was really freaked out and didn't know how to handle it. After this I practised what most people here have advised, distraction works great for her as well as letting her have free reign of the house (she had this anyway) and talking to her. We still encounter tantrums with her getting into the car seat and getting out of the bath, but distraction usually works for these - I have a few noisy toys that were given as presents and i don't like them, but I keep them specifically for these situations and they work a treat. What i have also found is that now she is nearly 13 months old she gets tantrums less and less. Best of luck.


Dr. Sears is okay, but he's definitely not a favorite of mine

On another note - Georgia I just read that article and it's really good and has offered me a fresh approach to tantrums, can I ask why you are not mad on Dr. Sears?


Take care

Mary, wife to gorgeous hubbie David, mother to Sadbh (1 year old) - lives in Ireland : : : :