Does your DC hit? - Page 3

[famousmockngbrd]

Mamaduck - thanks for posting that. I forwarded it to DH for him to read.

[donannedean]

hitting

I have read alot of what people posted but not read anything about the way Naomi Aldort suggests dealing with hitting. Please check out her web site or book www.naomialdort.com or Raising our Children Raising ourselves. It really helps you to think outside the box and is the most loving approuch i have ever come accross. My daughter hit a lot as well.

I hope this can give you some insights
Donanne

[Gabihugs]

Do I have a hitter?

My first DD was the most laid back child ever and has never hit. The second DD is a much more physical, easily over stimulated, hyper, wiggly baby. She has already started hitting and pinching at six months old. I have already started to stop her because I can see she likes it when she gets a reaction. Should I restrain her at this age? We have found that giving her something to pound on like an old keyboard or something satisfies her exploration of this sensation without hitting another person. However, she seems to like to hit things that are hard and I am afraid she is hurting herself. Should I stop her? She looks at her hand sometimes after pounding on a table or whatever.

Is this a different issue from a 4 year old hitting? I mean I guess it is but she mostly does it when excited but sometimes will just reach over a pop someone. I just don't know if ignoring it is a good idea.

[WannabeaFarmer]

Originally Posted by donannedean

Please check out her web site or book www.naomialdort.com or Raising our Children Raising ourselves. It really helps you to think outside the box and is the most loving approuch i have ever come accross. My daughter hit a lot as well.

That is an awsome way to approach parenting. I am totally gonna buy that book now after following the link to read up on some of her stuff. I love it1 Thanks:

[elsie366]

Hitting

My 4y/o ds started hitting after the birth of my dd. He was 22M when she was born. I knew he was hitting me because he was so angry with me for not letting him nurse like he was use to, yada yada yada. In my post-birth mental state, I wouldn't let him nurse if he were hitting me! Exactly what he did need! I feel so terrible now, and wish I could redo that phase, for a different post.

As he has gotten older I (yes, the hitting is directed at me) I have left the room, telling him I realize he was angry with me, but I don't like being hit, please use your words...I have also just allowed myself to be hit. This usually took place at night in bed while I was nursing his sister to sleep. I would try to show him control, but hard to stay in control and I sometimes failed. Once she was asleep I could hold him, if he would let me...took only a minute, and nurse him. I remember reading something someplace, that one's child will hit the one they have the most trust in...us, their mothers. They trust we will not go crazy on them and return the hits/kicks, but most of all, they trust us to help them get back on track emotionally.

I would tell him it is okay to be angry (he would always apologize to me for hitting me or kicking me, and for being angry with me!) with someone but not to hit/kick them. If he felt like hitting, hit the couch (did it for a little bit.)

He has gotten a lot better over the last year in terms of striking out when angry. But I know there is a long road ahead in terms of getting a grip on his emotions. He is now slamming and locking his door. I wish I could nurse him more than what I do, although I have noticed lately I am not as whacky while he is latched on like I have been the past 2 1/2Y.... I truly believe in extended nursing, (I just wish my brain reacted differently after the birth of dd...different post) turning 3, 4, and 5 is hard! Anyway..

I agree with moms here, kids are going to "hit!" How many guys come up to our kids and teach them to give a high-5, but when a child comes up to that guy and gives his version of a high-5, the child is reprimanded for hitting! Sometimes what is a hit and what is play can be confusing, especially when a male family member is involved. You have to know when to step in. I have tried telling my son that he can defend himself. Not by striking back but with defensive moves, like the ones I have to sometimes use with him. Usually he is defending himself from potential blows by his sister!

Thought I would share. Good luck! And call someone if you need a break! Sometimes I think our kids also need a break from us for a couple hours.

Elsie

[Aquarian2366]

My DD (almost 3) occasionally hits. It is mostly when she is frustrated and tired. And it is barely a tap now (not anything hurtful). At first she used to hit in the face, which was really bad and was put in to time out, but she has learned that it is not good and I think the "tapping" she does is just to get a rise out of me. Unfortunately, I am not consistent with the time outs anymore and just try to ignore it. She doesn't hit anyone else but me and is a really sweet child. I have tried to explain about using words when you are frustrated and it is cute to hear her say "frustrated".
Good Luck

[becoming]

Neither of my kids hit, but my DD (17 months) BITES. I am out of ideas to stop this, but luckily she only does it once a week or so, so it's not a huge problem.

I hope you find a solution.

[hammas]

I'm glad I found this thread! So many great ideas and important aspects to think about. My ds (3,5) is still learning a way to handle his frustration and anger in a way that is socially acceptable and I really need to be able to help him more.

[CaraboosMama]

Originally Posted by famousmockngbrd

OK. We never allowed it. Believe me, we have done this exact thing. Over and over.

I am at a point where I am considering taking away possessions/privileges, as punishment for hitting. I do not agree with this philosophy but I am at my wits end. He just does not seem to get it, otherwise.

We are going through something similiar right now. The biggest thing that is helping has been figuring out what condtions bring about the hitting (dd wants ds to move out of her way or wants me or dh to herself but is too frustrated to verbalize it) My dd (almost 3 ) is very verbal but she's still little! When she needs attention and isn't getting it fast enough to her liking, she gets physical. We have done some taking ways priviliges (or actually earning priviliges by being "kind".) I don't totally agree w/ doing it all the time, but like you - was at my wits end and I feel it is a better way of parenting than yelling, threatening, hitting etc. We do this: DD likes to have stories at bedtime - LOTS and LOTS!! When she does something kind to her brother (hug, walk around him instead of push him out of the way, ask me to move him instead of hitting him, etc.) she gets another story & she can put it next to the bed for bedtime. I also try to make sure that she doesn't have to wait excessively for stuff or have other unnecessary frustrations (obviously there will always be some - but I try to minimize what I can & teach her ways if dealing with it/talking about it)

Hope this helps!

[cupofjojo]

Used to

My DS at 18 months started this phase and we too did the stopping of the arm and firmly telling him it was not acceptable. He would also hit things as well. I asked our doc and he mentioned molars. Sure enough a few weeks later they were through and the phase stopped.

Well at least for a 1 year. At almost 3 it started again, and we again stopped the arm if it continued and it was very deliberate we would tell him no "ie. play dough today" if you hit. It worked really well.

In addition since I have switched my son's diet to no sugars, or really carb oriented breakfasts his temperament has changed dramatically. We are doing protein shakes and fruit. There are no sugar rushes and I think that's helped the even temperament.

[nylaboo]

Hitter on board

MY DD, now 21 months, used to hit us.: It was so frustrating! We finally got the behavior to go away by giving it as little attention as possible and making it clear it was not OK. Once she would hit we would set her away from us or put her down and say, "No hitting. Use gentle touches." then walk away or turn our backs. IT helped with our own frustration too. It didn't take long for it to go away once we both started doing that. When we made a big deal about it and talked about it it did not work. NOW DD is hitting babies and thinks it is funny. She will smile after she does it or even tell me she wants to do it when she sees a baby. This feels even more frustrating. I feel like we have tried everything and now are back to trying to give it as little attention as possible. I will pick her up and remove her from the setting, but not launch into what is "OK" or not, etc.

I really enjoyed Naomi Aldort's (sp?) book as well Alfie Kohn's Unconditional Parenting (although I did not agree with all of this book) but don't find it to be to revelent to these little ones. They don't really run on logic. It does make a HUGE difference when we acknowledge her feelings vs. trying to talk her out of it our distract her.

THis has been a great thread. Thanks for all the info!

[loraxc]

My DD doesn't hit often, and never at all hard, but it does sometimes emerge... always at bedtime, usually when she is trying to delay (yes, I know, she's probably overtired). The problem I have is this...here's how it happens:

She's already generally hyper and kind of wired. She's usually arguing with me about not wanting to do something. She takes an idle swing or kick at me, usually with a bit of a grin on her face. I say, "You may not hit me. Hitting hurts," and move away. She immediately BURSTS into sobs and says "Cooomme baaaack, coooome baaack, coooome closer." I say I will come back if she stops hitting. She says she will. She hits me again as soon as I come back--again, not angrily, but with a sort of devious look. : : What's this about, and any suggestions?

BTW, she has never hits other kids or other adults. (I know I'm lucky!) Only me or DH. I have sometimes tried redirecting to a high-five or a rough-and-tumble cuddle or something like that. She actually goes for that, sort of, but then it tends to degenerate.

[Fuamami]

Originally Posted by loraxc

BTW, she has never hits other kids or other adults. (I know I'm lucky!) Only me or DH. I have sometimes tried redirecting to a high-five or a rough-and-tumble cuddle or something like that. She actually goes for that, sort of, but then it tends to degenerate.

Yeah, my dd does this, too. I try to derail into a tickle. Sometimes I grab her and say in a playful voice, "You weren't going to hit me, were you? Because then I'd have to tickle you!" I don't know if that's not treating it as seriously as I should, but it happens pretty rarely so I don't feel like it's a problem.

[crb]

loraxc-
I was just rereading the Highly Sensitive Child and she has a part about how to "correct" a HSC. Basically, you have to really talk around the behavior rather than telling them they are doing something wrong - they have a strong reaction to being "accused" of not doing things "right".
I notice w/my dd - I have to say things in a really roundabout way - like "People don't like to be hit" - if I mention her hitting or me being hit, it is somehow too personal for her and it does escalate. It is hard and frustrating when she really is doing something unacceptable to me, but rereading this part reminded me of that idea of creating space - that HSC really feels very bad and has trouble w/that feeling - doesn't just feel bad and let it pass, holds on the the guilt, etc. Not sure if your dc is hs, but thought I would throw it out there!

[loraxc]

Yeah, natensarah, I struggle with whether it's "okay" to derail it that way. On the one hand, it isn't "serious" hitting, but on the other, she isn't 18 months old any more, YK? I'm not sure what the motivation is. It stumps me.

notice w/my dd - I have to say things in a really roundabout way - like "People don't like to be hit" - if I mention her hitting or me being hit, it is somehow too personal for her and it does escalate.

I don't know if DD is HS, but I should probably read that book. I know she hates beign "accused" of things. She's highly...something. Actually, she has some of the characteristics of a spirited child in GREAT abundance, but others not at all.

[Char V]

Been reading with great interest. Thanks to all who posted experiences & ideas.

My 16 month-old DS hits with glee - this seems to be play to him. We've got half of his toys on top of furniture (out of reach) because they've all been used as weapons. His hardest belly laughs come when chasing & hitting our poor dogs! I am highly frustrated with this (probably more so because he thinks it's fun) and am eager to try some of the ideas posted here.

Char