I wanted to share my update not because I want pitty but sometimes knowing others are going through the same or worse makes it easier.
My "partner" has completely flippped out on me. Since my second day in labor he has been completely unsupporive and just plain cruel.
I have no family here, and my only support is my best friend, who is being so helpful with everything.
I am actually in the process of moving into a domestic violence shelter, so my situation will get better. I just cn't keep my little precious angel here, she's so little and its such an unhealthy environment.
Sine I gave birth I have been told I am f***ing lazy, a bad F*ing mother, that I am selfish for not wanting to give her formula, that I was starving her, that I treat her bad because she cries with me, but she only cries with me when he's here, I'm assuming she feels my nervousness, tension and stuff.
when I asked him why he was being so mean he said because he f*ing can.
I was told I was lazy because I was using a pillow to prop myself up on the bed while bf, and get this, that he's the man of the house and I needed to keep his f*ing house clean, just stop being so lazy.
He has been using a lot more profanities, and we don't speak that way in the home. it's so ugly.
No he doesn't drink or do drugs. He just flipped out on me. my best friend heard him and said he must of cracked.
sometimes she cries and he keeps her because he says she spends too much time on the nipple.
:
It's been really hard because from when my water broke to birth was about 44 hours and I never got any sleep. then when I got home I was exausted and he went beserk with her in his arms. pulling out his hair and wouldn't give her to me.
the cops have been here several times, but the behavior is normal n this neighborhood so they didn't do much except ask him to leave for a while.
I really wanted to share because on the second or third day back I really got depressed. I started believing what h was saying and really felt my daughter hated me. I still hadn't gotten more than a couple hours rest and wasn't thinking straight. I sat n the bathroom crying giving myself a pep talk that even if she hated me I knew I was doing the right things for her. All it was was nipple confusion and while i had her she knew I was the source of food and she was frustrated.
I can't believe I let him make me think my own bbaby hated me. They don't even know hate! I can see how PPD can take over, it was a scary place to be that depessed surrounded by those thoughts.
With all this I would like to say don't let anyone make you question yourself! Mother's intuition is best.
I finally said screw him, asked my friend to find me a place to stay.
I carry my baby next to my skin as much as I want, let her nurse when she wants and lt her comfort suck if she feels like it. He's not going to make me put her in a crib all day so I can wash his stinky socks and dishes. I clean out of love, not because of fear of being rerimanded by a man!
the only negative is that I won't be ble to cloth diaper at the shelter. But I will have access to food and sleep, and a stress free place, plus support 24/7.
now I have to go change a wet diaper.
My "partner" has completely flippped out on me. Since my second day in labor he has been completely unsupporive and just plain cruel.
I have no family here, and my only support is my best friend, who is being so helpful with everything.
I am actually in the process of moving into a domestic violence shelter, so my situation will get better. I just cn't keep my little precious angel here, she's so little and its such an unhealthy environment.
Sine I gave birth I have been told I am f***ing lazy, a bad F*ing mother, that I am selfish for not wanting to give her formula, that I was starving her, that I treat her bad because she cries with me, but she only cries with me when he's here, I'm assuming she feels my nervousness, tension and stuff.
when I asked him why he was being so mean he said because he f*ing can.
I was told I was lazy because I was using a pillow to prop myself up on the bed while bf, and get this, that he's the man of the house and I needed to keep his f*ing house clean, just stop being so lazy.
He has been using a lot more profanities, and we don't speak that way in the home. it's so ugly.
No he doesn't drink or do drugs. He just flipped out on me. my best friend heard him and said he must of cracked.
sometimes she cries and he keeps her because he says she spends too much time on the nipple.
:It's been really hard because from when my water broke to birth was about 44 hours and I never got any sleep. then when I got home I was exausted and he went beserk with her in his arms. pulling out his hair and wouldn't give her to me.
the cops have been here several times, but the behavior is normal n this neighborhood so they didn't do much except ask him to leave for a while.
I really wanted to share because on the second or third day back I really got depressed. I started believing what h was saying and really felt my daughter hated me. I still hadn't gotten more than a couple hours rest and wasn't thinking straight. I sat n the bathroom crying giving myself a pep talk that even if she hated me I knew I was doing the right things for her. All it was was nipple confusion and while i had her she knew I was the source of food and she was frustrated.
I can't believe I let him make me think my own bbaby hated me. They don't even know hate! I can see how PPD can take over, it was a scary place to be that depessed surrounded by those thoughts.
With all this I would like to say don't let anyone make you question yourself! Mother's intuition is best.
I finally said screw him, asked my friend to find me a place to stay.
I carry my baby next to my skin as much as I want, let her nurse when she wants and lt her comfort suck if she feels like it. He's not going to make me put her in a crib all day so I can wash his stinky socks and dishes. I clean out of love, not because of fear of being rerimanded by a man!
the only negative is that I won't be ble to cloth diaper at the shelter. But I will have access to food and sleep, and a stress free place, plus support 24/7.
now I have to go change a wet diaper.
and peace to you!
: Grr... We had gone through the EXACT same thing with my son when he was born, so DH "should" have remembered that it takes a few days to teach a baby to nurse. It made me feel like utter crap when he said that to me, but I just tried to ignore his stupid remarks. But you just do NOT say something like that to a new mother!!! 
I really hope you and your precious DD can find a safe place to stay, so you can get some peace in your life during this already trying time of raising a newborn. It is so hard getting to know each other in a perfect environment, let alone in a stressful place! Is there anyone in your area in the Finding your Tribe forum who can help you? I hope you can come online and keep us updated. Good luck. 
Your dd is so lucky to have such a SMART, LOVING, and DEDICATED mama!! I am so proud of you for getting the heck ought of there!!! Please let me know if I can do anything for you!! You and dd will be in my prayers!!
