How to better handle 22 month old's emotions?

[dani76]

My daughter is 22 months and starting to get into her emotions more. She is very tempermental. Not as much with me or DH. I think because I spend the most time with her, I know when to back off and just let her be. DH tries to speed her through the outburst, or distract her. Which just pisses her off more. The worst is at my IL's house. She gets so annoyed with my MIL. I swear she can't even look at her without Eleanor getting frustrated.

My MIL is mentally impaired from a brain injury, so she really takes it personally. But she follows DD around and is just in her space, you know? Eleanor likes her space, she doesn't like a commentary on everything she's doing. Plus, my MIL is overly cautious with DD. So, there's a lot of gasping and be careful's around DD. Which we don't do.

My FIL just laughs at DD when she gets frustrated. Which pisses me off royally. Who wants to be laughed at when you already frustrated?? So, I go to her and tell her it's okay to be frustrated/angry. I won't leave her alone there, because there's no way it would work.

Anyways, my question is...What should we be doing when she gets frustrated like this? She can kind of verbalize, but not enough to talk about her feelings. She will hit herself in the face, pull her hair, pinch herself. Or she will just scream/cry. When she is with me, I will usually tell her it's okay to be angry. Then I just sit near her on the floor until she is calmed down. I don't look at her or touch her until I can sense she is ready for that. But I want her to know that I am nearby so she doesn't feel deserted.

DH tries to distract her when she gets like this. If we are at my IL's, we usually just get ready to leave. We do visit at night, so maybe a daytime outdoors visit would be better.

Help, anyone? Off to read all the other threads about this now...

[DevaMajka]

Originally Posted by dani76

When she is with me, I will usually tell her it's okay to be angry. Then I just sit near her on the floor until she is calmed down. I don't look at her or touch her until I can sense she is ready for that. But I want her to know that I am nearby so she doesn't feel deserted.

That's exactly what I'd do!
Also, you didn't really say what she was frustrated about, but if its something she's trying to do, help her as little as possible so that she can get it done mostly by herself. does that make sense? That has a word, but I can't remember it. lol

Or if she's frustrated because she's not allowed to do something, give her an acceptable alternative that is similar, that will serve the same purpose as what she was doing originally. So if she's banging the window with a block, redirect to wiping the window with a cloth, or banging the block on the couch, or building with blocks, or whatever.

If her frustration is neither of those things, then you just got a long post about nothing, except to say you're doing great lol

[mom22girls]

You are obviously really in tune with your daughter's feelings!!!

When my kids' emotions get the better of them (especially when they hit the tantrum stage) I tried to remember the turmoil I felt in my teens, when I didn't know why I felt a certain way, but it wasn't fun (and not fun for the rest of the family having to listen to David Bowie/Queen's "Under Pressure" a zillion times ) So this is what your daughter is going through, and I find that analogy helpful for people who don't understand tantrums.

I also tell DDs that it's okay to be angry, and when they're being destructive about it, I will use words for them, "oooooh, you are sooo mad, you really want to chew on that remote control but it's not allowed so you are MAD MAD MAD.." I think this serves two purposes: it validates their anger, AND it helps give them the words to express their feelings.

I agree that you cannot leave your daughter with your ILs, mine are similar, they make tantrum noises mocking my daughters which p**ses both me and my daughters!!!! Your DH's attempt is admirable, but I usually tell my dh that my dd just needs some space to work it out for herself.

Keep up the good work!

[dani76]

Originally Posted by mom22girls

When my kids' emotions get the better of them (especially when they hit the tantrum stage) I tried to remember the turmoil I felt in my teens, when I didn't know why I felt a certain way, but it wasn't fun (and not fun for the rest of the family having to listen to David Bowie/Queen's "Under Pressure" a zillion times ) So this is what your daughter is going through, and I find that analogy helpful for people who don't understand tantrums.

I was just saying last night that she's like a teenager.

Thanks you guys for making me feel better. I just need to continue to follow my instincts with her. The sticky at the top of the page is great.

Oh, and she gets frustrated when she is trying to do something, when she can't do something, sometimes if we just look at her wrong. But the emotional sneeze makes sense. It really upsets me that people forget she is a little person who is allowed to have feelings other than joy. She is not a "brat" because she gets annoyed with the world. We all do.