Sleep deprivation vs. PPD

[timneh_mom]

Sometimes I think I have PPD, but then other times, I really feel pretty good. I have noticed that the days I feel optimistic, peaceful and happy are the days after the nights that have gone well.

DD has her days and nights mixed up and nurses every 2-3 hours throughout the night. I know the night nursing is totally normal and to be expected, and I also know it's not unusual for infants her age (4 weeks) to be confused about when to sleep and be awake. I am trying to stimulate her (not overstimulate of course) during the day so that she starts to shift her sleep toward the night more, but it's slow. Some nights she cries for several hours at night and it keeps us all up, and it's always in the dark of night when I feel like a horrible mother and what did I do to deserve this, when are we going to get a break, what am I doing or not doing that is making her so miserable, etc. When I'm really tired, I feel really terrible, even to the point where I feel like I don't deserve my kids. :

But like I said, I feel pretty good, very emotionally healthy when I have slept...

Thoughts?

[m0dernist]

- It's soo hard to tell isn't it. I just started wondering the same thing. Pulling myself together at times seems the most unlikely thing to happen. While I don't have any answers or past experience, this is what I'm planning on doing.

1. sit down w/ DH and have a fierce heart to heart. I knokw he feels that I'm being hyper sensitive and I feel he is constantly discrediting my feelings. This stems from previously having a sarcastic way of joking and communicating with each other. That obviously isn't going to work with me in such a state.

2. I'm going to research taking some St. Johns Wort. If anything it should help dealing with the fatigue if it is indeed the root of the problem.

3. Consider an alternative to my late night pumping session. I really don't know if i can do this though because she sleeps so much at night (not all the way through) that I'm so full it's uncomfortable and I'm afraid of affecting my supply by not pumping.

I think another factor for me is that I go back to work in a week. :

i don't know if that helps you at all - I hope it does.

In the meantime - hang in there

[anamama]

I've often wondered this myself. Even now, ds is 4 and dd is 19months, dd still nurses often in the night and keeps me in that zone that is not totally asleep but not awake either for hours of the night. I really think I generally only get about 4 hours of good sleep a night, and this is not enough for me. I feel edgy, irritated, depressed, short fused, and well, exhausted. If I have a good night's sleep (I think I've had 3 since dd's birth ) I am a different person, more like how I remember being before.
I think with ds I *did* have ppd, because I was very anxious and worried all the time, very distressed about the smallest and least probable things. This time, it could just be lack of sleep that's getting me down, because I am not having those same anxiety issues.

[mama to 2 girls]

I am new here and don't get to post much but this thread struck a cord with me.

I had PPD and PTSD with DD1, I would really like to forget those feelings I had but I just can't. From what you are describing it doesn't sound like PPD to me. I was suicidal ALL the time, edgey, irritable, hopeless wanted to sleep all the time, wanted nothing to do with my dd. I also felt angry all the time. The nights were TERRIBLE if I didn't have someone up with me because my dd also (just like almost every newborn) had her days and night messed up, I felt like my world was crashing down around me, crying hysterically. Even on days when my mom would take my dd and I could get some sleep I was STILL exhausted! It was just a total nightmare that lasted till I birthed my second dd, which was 23 mos.

With dd2 I too feared that I had it again because at night I would start to feel hopeless and like I didn't want my children and I just wanted to run away!.....but the only difference was I was a totally different person during the day and on good nights I didn't feel this way (with dd1 I had these types of feelings ALL the time).

It just takes time, your dd is still young, I know the medical world puts a 2 week time frame for you to get over your baby blues but for me I found it took 2 mos. I think they just put that time frame on it, to get people on drugs....but that is just my opinion!

DD2 is now 7 mos. and even on the bad nights where she is awake for 2 or 3 hrs in the MIDDLE of the night, I handle well ( well, as well as I can handle for being totally exhausted!

I hope this wasn't too long, I just felt like MAYBE I could help....I really hope you start feeling better soon! Just give it some time.

[Rockies5]

Originally Posted by mama to 2 girls

I had PPD and PTSD with DD1, I would really like to forget those feelings I had but I just can't. From what you are describing it doesn't sound like PPD to me. I was suicidal ALL the time, edgey, irritable, hopeless wanted to sleep all the time, wanted nothing to do with my dd. I also felt angry all the time. The nights were TERRIBLE if I didn't have someone up with me because my dd also (just like almost every newborn) had her days and night messed up, I felt like my world was crashing down around me, crying hysterically.

This is what it feels like to me as well, but is gradually goes away when you get more sleep. My sister is a psychologist and we joke how the symtoms and suicidal thoughts (we both have children and also don't sleep whether the kids do or not) are exactly the same, same feelings, same processes, same "cures" as one another.

This may not be true for everyone, but it was for me 5x over.

[Momtwice]

I think with depression, you are stuck in the lows. It's hard to get back up to feeling good.