Originally Posted by umsami
I'm sorry, Amris... but I have to disagree with you there. What are you basing this on??
Psychology and physiological responses.
During sex, oxytocin is produced. This is the same chemical produced during breastfeeding. It is the bonding chemical. The highest amount of it is produced during sex and breastfeeding.
However, women will produce small amounts of it when they are touched. It's part of the physiological response of child-mother bonding. However, it does not have to be a child touching her.
Men do not produce oxytocin when touched. They produce it when aroused. The release of this bonding chemical is why it is so important to have sexual contact on a regular basis.
Sex is, for both genders, a very literal chemical addiction. However, women are able to meet this addiction in other ways- through simple touch, through mother-child bonding, etc.
Men are not.
It really is that simple. It is chemical fact.
|People differ in their sex drives. One cannot say that either men or women "need" more sex. Women tend to be more prudent in their choices due to our fertility... whereas, men do not have to take that into account. BUT, I don't think one can generalize and say that men or women need more sex. I will say that men, in general, are told that sex is one of the few socially acceptable ways for them to get intimacy... whereas, in general, women do not face that. But in terms of need or sex drive... it differs based on the person.
As for bonding, I would disagree with you there as well. Women tend to bond more through sex which is why we tend to go for relationships... whereas men, in general, do not need to be in a relationship to have sex.
Whether you disagree or not, and I say this with all respect, doesn't change the chemical facts of the matter. The bonding chemicals are produced in different ways in the genders.
Just as one has more testosterone, the other more progesterone/estrogen, so is the movement of bonding chemicals different.
The semantics of sex drive really don't matter. At the end of the day, men's bodies work differently than women's bodies do. Just because a man doesn't have much of a sex drive doesn't mean he suddenly begins producing oxytocin at different times. It doesn't work like that.
Now, that's all without going into the dynamics of dopamine, which is also a chemical to which humans are, by nature, addicted (and which they naturally produce). It is a chemical which mimics oxytocin, and can be produced in different ways. However, it is much harder to produce with consistency, and is typically the reason why people 'stray.'
It's what causes the extreme euphoria during infatuation. Once the dopamine high goes away, the couple relies upon oxytocin to help maintain the physical addiction to their partner.
Most sexless marriages are so because once the sex dies out, the addiction to oxytocin begins to wane. As this happens, the emotional reaction that comes with it begins to wane. And then you have what amounts to a brother and sister living together.
A situation which is a set-up for one or the other to stray if someone else finds a way to introduce either dopamine or oxytocin into the equation. It is most prudent, if you do not wish someone else to do it for you, that you keep your own partner's bonding chemical levels high.