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Am I Being Unreasonable?

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
I need some feedback on a situation I am having with my In-Laws. Today is my due date and I am predicting that I will go into labor in the next two or so days. My in-laws are coming into town on Friday and I have gently asked DH to ask them if they wouldn't mind staying at a hotel. I asked him that over a month ago, and he still has not.
A little background: my MIL is a very complicated person who is very narcissistic and demanding of everone's attention. When she visited during DS and DD's births she was literally jealous of the attention drawn on them. She is not the type of mother that will help out with a newborn, instead she expects full service from her hosts. I just don't think that I will be able to handle that days after the birth. DH says he is insulted and that I just don't like his parents.
Any advice? Am I being selfish?
post #2 of 11
I don't think you're being selfish at all! It's completely reasonable not to want house guests who don't help out right now!!!

Perhaps reminding DH that you won't be up to entertaining/taking care of others and that he'll need to fill that role if he insists on his parents staying with you??
post #3 of 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by feminist~mama View Post
Perhaps reminding DH that you won't be up to entertaining/taking care of others and that he'll need to fill that role if he insists on his parents staying with you??
That's good advice. DH and I had a similiar argument months ago, but now since he has had to do the brunt of the housework since I've had the baby, he is not too keen on having visitors to entertain either. Good luck!
post #4 of 11
You are NOT NOT NOT being selfish. You are being sensible.
post #5 of 11
Your question caught my eye and I couldn't help to respond even though I am not in your DDC.

You are ABSOLUTELY not being selfish. You are a mama who is getting ready to birth. A watched pot won't boil. Neither will a mother who is stressed by people in her home give birth/go into labour. As a doula I watched this play out with clients... any time a nurse would enter the room, the client's ctx would almost all together stop. When we were alone (her DH and I) with her, she was rocking in a good labour pattern. This happened at my own birth when the MW's assistants whom I hadn't met showed up.

You deserve to keep the sanctity of your home SAFE in this time leading up to your birth. Wishing you gentle birthing vibes.
post #6 of 11
Thread Starter 
Thank you all so much for your kind responses. It's good to bounce it off others- because I felt like I was going crazy!
post #7 of 11
my folks have been here all day - I delivered last night - and if they suggested spending the night, I would have kicked them out, and they're MY parents. Not selfish at all. Also remember what you feel like 24 hours after birth - bleeding, swollen, sore, nursing a newborn and caring for your other kids - a little privacy isn't asking for the moon!!
post #8 of 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by Desdamona View Post
Your question caught my eye and I couldn't help to respond even though I am not in your DDC.

You are ABSOLUTELY not being selfish. You are a mama who is getting ready to birth. A watched pot won't boil. Neither will a mother who is stressed by people in her home give birth/go into labour. As a doula I watched this play out with clients... any time a nurse would enter the room, the client's ctx would almost all together stop. When we were alone (her DH and I) with her, she was rocking in a good labour pattern. This happened at my own birth when the MW's assistants whom I hadn't met showed up.

You deserve to keep the sanctity of your home SAFE in this time leading up to your birth. Wishing you gentle birthing vibes.
This is spot on advice I was 42 weeks plus and NOT going into labour due to the dynamics in my home.
You need to make sure nothing at all is stressing you... I had external stress caused by outside influence and internal stress due to having a large family to look after.
post #9 of 11
Not in the least bit selfish!! Even otherwise good company probably wouldn't make for good company under those conditions!!

I like the pps suggestion of reminding your dh that you won't be up for entertaining AT ALL and that it will all fall to him. And stick to it. If that means you feel like holing up in your room all day resting, then so be it! You don't owe anyone anything!
post #10 of 11
My dh and I had a similar conversation a while back. I made it clear that I was not getting out of bed for his parents, I was not getting dressed, I was not cooking. I would take a bath when I wanted and I would be nursing in front of his (very conservative) dad. His parents will now be visiting in July.

Good luck!
post #11 of 11
I am lurking from April, but you are a woman who is about to give birth. It is not unreasonable at ALL to ask for guests to stay in a hotel.
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