have a friend who can't seem to meet anyone who doesn't have "problems"

[chkpea]

My friend recently came out, she has been trying to date. She got involved with a woman who turns out to be a player and has been really hurt by her. She is so frustrated by not being able to meet someone nice to have a relationship with and who has their act together. She has tried online dating with no luck, the bar scene, sports, and nothing is really happening for her. Where else should she go? I am bi, but not out to her, and I really don't know where to tell her to turn. Any suggestions??

[max_4477]

I would recommend she get involved with the local queer community - volunteering or joining some sort of group. Then she'll meet people who aren't just out there to cruise and pickup, but just meet as people. Eventually through that, if she's out there as a single dyke, I bet she'll meet people or make friends who will have friends she'll meet, etc. Is there perhaps a local social event group for lesbians, a GLBTQ community centre, or some such? I think just getting to know friends in the community may be more productive than seeking dates in dating venues, ironically.

[moonmama22]

I have a friend with the same problem, but she has been out for a long long time and has been in and out of relationships. We tell her all the time that when she stops looking for someone, she'll find her. It sounds too simple, but I really think it works - my dp and I were not even out when we realized we wanted to be together. It makes you take the time to get to know someone as a person before you see them as a potential life partner.