I need advice/help

[MorgnsGrl]

This coming weekend, I'll be meeting an online friend IRL for the first time. We aren't super close, but we read each other's journals and talk that way. We aren't meeting specifically to get together, but because we'll both be attending a convention that relates to a hobby we share. We'll be sharing a hotel room for the weekend.

My friend's 18 year old son committed suicide last year. She had/has a close circle of friends where she lives and lots of support, but she is still, understandably, grieving. Her son's death has touched me deeply, in part because I am still grieving my dad's death (5 years ago) and because my 7 year old nephew has terminal cancer. Just THINKING about her loss makes me tear up.

My questions are -- if there's a time that seems right, is it okay for me to bring him up and tell her (again, but in person this time) how sorry I am? I think I'm afraid of turning a happy/fun weekend into something sad for her, but on the other hand I think she must still be so sad all the time. What kinds of things would be best for me to say? Asking her to tell me about him? I'm so worried that I'll burst into tears. (I'll be PMSing majorly, too. Ah, timing.) I don't want this to be about ME, but I feel so much sympathy and sorrow for her and I don't know how to express that without making her feel worse, which is the LAST thing I want to do.

Any advice would be gratefully appreciated. Thanks if you got this far.

- Amy, mama to 6 1/2 year old DS

[RockStarMom]

I wouldn't bring it up. Everyone's so different with how we grieve, and maybe she would love to talk about her son, or maybe she's finally at peace with it and bringing it up would reopen the wound. So I would definitely wait for her to bring it up. I'm sure that, if that's what she wants to do, there will be plenty of opportunities for her to bring her son into the conversation.

[Phoenix_Rising]

i remember when my aunt died everyone pretending it had not happened expect my 2 or 3 closest friends. those 2 or 3 people were my lifeline during that time because they DID ask and they listened to what i had to say. they were genuinely interested. that said, every person is different in how they deal with their grief, some people need to be totally alone and others grieve very openly in public, it isn't really something you can answer for another person without knowing them, IMO. good luck

[momma of monkeys]

Maybe sum it up on paper before you go, edit it so it pertains to your actual experiance with her, and give her a note and a card...not a sympathy card, but a 'glad to know you, am here for you' type card...that way if the opportunity to talk about her ds does not present itself over the time you are together, the card will allow you to write what you feel which in this situation is prolly much more personal than an email/IM....I dunno, I am a suicide survivor...and it can be a pretty touchy subject...one day, it's fine to bring up, the next day it could send me into a tailspin, kwim?
So, there is my suggestion, I am sure you will get lots of wise words here...xo