When you're too far away...

[mittendrin]

I moved to the states 6 ys ago and since then my uncle and my grandma died. No my mom is sick w a tumor, which can be cured but it is a long hard road ahead of her. I am in constant worry ever since I left home that someone I am very close to, like my parents will die and I won't be able to make it in time to be there. I am going to see my parents in a few weeks, that trip was booked a couple of months ago before we found out about the tumor. I might not come back here, dh doesn't seem to understand and doesn't want to move there.
How do you handle being so far away from your loved ones, being homesick every second of the day? How do you deal with it when someone passes away and you feel guilty of not spending enough time with them while you could have? I don't want to be here, I want to go back home so desperately, the last 6 ys have been hell for me. I think I'd be able to deal w my moms sickness better if I was happy here, if I could justify living here but how could I ever forgive myself if she died and I wasn't there because I can't convince DH to go back home with me?
I am pretty sure she's not going to die from the tumor, she started chemo today and has a good prognosis, but all of a sudden I can't seem to snap out of it, I am so freaked out and don't know where my priorites are anymore. I know I cannot expect DH to just pack up and leave, he's american, but after all I have never been happy here, he's known it from day one, how much can he expect of me, how much should I suffer? I just wanna go home and be with my family. His family btw is all over the country, none of them close to him. My parents and sister have been more of a family to him than any of his folks.

[Blu Razzberri]

Well, let's start by separating the issues.....

1) You're mad at your husband.
Ok, so you didn't come out and say this; but I'm gathering from the 'tone' of your post that you have a few emotional issues to sort out concerning him. Do you "blame" him for "making you" live in the US? Do you "blame" him for your being so far from your family? Things like that. You don't have to answer those questions here; just think it all over....figure out if and why you're angry with him and sort through it.


2) You hate living in the US.
You didn't specify why you don't like it (nor am I asking you to); but perhaps you could explore your options with your DH. Maybe you just don't like the area you're in; or even the state. I live in Canada; and my experience (having driven all the way down to Florida) is that each state has it's own personality (so to speak). Neighboring states can be as different as day and night. Maybe simply moving to a new town or to a new state could change how you feel about the USA. Another idea would be to negotiate an agreement with your DH that you both move to your country until your mother is well, or (god forbid) passes away. That way you don't feel that you're doing any injustice. It could also be another option that you and the kids go live there for that time and your DH stay in the USA. : (I know, I know, that's hard, but it's an idea).


3) Your Mother's Cancer.
Obviously, nobody lives forever; but that doesn't make us any more ready for news like this. The mere mention that our loved ones could die send our emotions into their highest ranges. Because you're going through this; you need to make sure you have adequate emotional release. This release is personal for each person; and so I ask you: are your needs being met? Do you have someone who you can talk to freely about this? If not, you need to find a support group and/or create a support system. Clearing the thoughts from your head a bit will definitely help you sort through the problems.

: My prayers that your mother recovers quickly and easily. :

In the meantime; do the best you can to stay in touch daily with your loved one's. Technology today offers us so many options. I don't know what your situation is, but see if you can find a way to video-chat online with your family. That way you can be "face to face"; even though you're many miles apart.

Oh, and Annika..... ....my heart goes out to you during this difficult time.

[Kristina77]

Annika,

hello there. I was just wondering if you were still in the US or
have already left for Germany?
I know EXACTLY how you feel! I PMed you a few days ago,
but not sure if you got it?
I hope that your DH will change his mind for your sake, because
living your life and feeling the aching pain, longing after your
home and family is NOT easy at all!
How is your Mom doing? I hope she's healing fast!
Best of luck to you and your family.

Kristina(29) mama to Jasmine(4) - NO VAX!