I don't want to have another boy...

[BrittBBT]

My current husvband and I are TTC our second child together. We have a 10 month old son, and I was bullied into circ'ing. I still get angry at him over it! When it was first done and I'd change the baby's diaper, I'd make him look and say " look what you made me do!" He wasn't really phased at all, and that made it worse. I have a 3 yr old son from another marriage and his father and grandmother pushed the issue so much that I gave in with him, also, and had him circ'ed. Anyway... I don't want to have another son. I know that if I conceive another boy that it will be a huge battle again. I can, of course, flat out refuse to circ this time, if need be, but then I know DH will make me feel guilty because he wouldn't look like Daddy or Big brother "down there."

My plan is to gather as much evidence as I can find on the benefits of not circ'ing and try to change his view. You'd think a man wouldn't want his son's penis cut!!! We don't do it to girls... THEN they think it's mutilation, but when it's their son, it's "just" a little cut. :

[MoonJelly]

Stick around, mama. You will find lots of support here.

[ferretfan]

*

[MoonJelly]

I would say to him, if it's "just a little cut" then why is it necessary at all?!

[Nodtveidt]

Definately collect as much information as possible on the subject, and somehow get it through his head that you will NOT tolerate any more barbaric acts against your children. It may be a huge battle, but it's a huge battle that you and your DS both cannot afford to lose. And in my opinion, if your current husband bullied you into having your son mutilated, what kind of cowardly man is he to bully his own wife?! Send him to me, I'll straighten him out!

[Treece]

Originally Posted by Nodtveidt

Definately collect as much information as possible on the subject, and somehow get it through his head that you will NOT tolerate any more barbaric acts against your children. It may be a huge battle, but it's a huge battle that you and your DS both cannot afford to lose. And in my opinion, if your current husband bullied you into having your son mutilated, what kind of cowardly man is he to bully his own wife?! Send him to me, I'll straighten him out!

I have to agree. What kind of bullies his wife, and into hurting HIS son? This makes no sense, this whole circ thing. I hate it. I hate America b/c of this.

[Daisie125]

You need to stop TTC until you and your DH can come to a decision reguarding this. You don't need to be in a stressful situation where you may be open to pressure as a pregnant mama or a mama with a new baby.

[vespertine]

I would be questioning the relationship. Anyone who thinks circumcision is acceptable and anyone who supports or encourages it has issues they need to sort out. I agree- put TTC on hold until you feel settled about this. It's really not ideal to begin a pregnancy fearful or pressure and manipulation. Is circing the only issue your partner is pushy about? Or are there other aspects of parenting you feel unsupported in, like discipline etc? Since bodily integrity is a basic human right, and your partner is not respecting this, that to me in unacceptable and does not say much for his character.

[Fi.]

but then I know DH will make me feel guilty because he wouldn't look like Daddy or Big brother "down there."

That's definitely not someone I'd be trying to have a baby with at this moment. I'd come to an agreement first, and then work on a baby.

And if he says one word trying to make you feel guilty inform him that you already regret the last two and you'd feel guiltier cutting a 3rd knowing better than you would having them look "different".

[Daisyuk]

I agree. I think you should stop TTC now, and tell him that if you are going to be bullied into mutilating your children, there won't be any more.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

: until this issue is settled it dosnt make good sense to put yourself thur the stress while pg.

Hasnt this changed the way you see your dh at all? I would reasent dh so bad. And if you do it again wont it make it worse? I couldnt handle that kind of thing. I hope that you can stand up for your son if you have another and just say no way. It is up to you to protect your children as I am sure you realize after allowing this to happen to 2 others.

[MommytoB]

Hey,

I say you should reverse it to have your hubby to start being like his future son (no operation for his son & he will be restored. If we don't care about the outside to match equally why should we care about the penis area matching btw I'm a single mom to 1 lil ds he and I don't match in the genitilia department should I turn him into a girl to be like me ? Nope ! Because even if he had girl privates he still would be genitically male because that was the way he was "made inside me" Anyways, he knows he has a penis but still doesn't get 'where my penis is " he actually thinks my penis is hidden inside me . I go brendan I don't have one!

I go mommy's are girls they don't have penises they have 'vagina's . I feel it's appropiate for me to be truly gender name calling but he still asks where my penis is each time I get out of the shower each time I get off the potty!

He proably won't truly understand that til he's 4 or 5 proably no idea!

[vermontgirl]

Wow that sounds stressful.
Honestly, you need to let your mama bear come out and say "NO!"
It is your job to protect him from all harm and right now his own father is the harm. Show him all of the information he needs but if he still doesnt agree you need to put your foot down and say "absolutely not!"

Honestly, I would have left my husband in an instant before I let anyone abuse my child. My childs safety comes before everything and anyone else.
I love my husband but not enough to let him harm my child.

[Nodtveidt]

If it were me (and if I was a woman), I'd not give him another child, I'd give him a kick in the rear right out the door.

[myfairbabies]

Do you feel guilty now? Do you get mad at your dh now? Do you really think you would feel worse if your son was intact? People can't make you feel guilt over something you are proud of. Be proud that you will stick up for your son and not just roll over. Be proud that you are looking out for your son's well-being and not appeasing those that want to harm him. Teach him to be proud.

[pdx.mothernurture]

Don't fear having a boy, just decide clearly, right here and now, that you will listen to your maternal instincts and resign yourself to your duty as a mother to protect your child from unnecessary harm the same as a momma bear would protect her cubs if a predator approached.

Be confident. Be fierce. Be strong.

If you can't do that, put off TTC until you get in touch with that part of yourself or find a partner who won't bully you into hurting your children.

Genital integrity shouldn't be negotiable.

I can, of course, flat out refuse to circ this time, if need be, but then I know DH will make me feel guilty because he wouldn't look like Daddy or Big brother "down there."

Would you rather feel guilty you didn't give in to your partner's superficial, selfish desire to make your son lack like him, or would you rather feel guilty every time you look at his raw little exposed penis knowing you failed to protect him?

Your husband's the one who should feel not just guilt, but deep shame...for putting his ego before the safety, comfort, and well-being of his son.

Jen

[trmpetplaya]

Please work through this with your dh before TTC. It's much better to get this out of the way BEFORE you're pregnant I would definitely not have a baby with a man who insisted on chopping off a bit of my child to "match" himself :

love and peace.

[Nodtveidt]

WHY THE HELL WOULD THEY BE COMPARING PENISES ANYWAYS?! That's the one that always gets me. Don't they have better things to do?!

[BrittBBT]

oh boy

Ok, first of all, my DH isn't "evil", he's just stubborn, and honestly I don't think he knows the seriousness of circ'ing. He's only 22 and this is his first baby. No matter what, I'm NOT going to circ again. I've made up my mind, and this time I'm sticking to it. He's not going to make me circ... it's not like he beats me up or anything lol. I'll change his mind one of these days. You know what kind of gets to me? I had midwives with both my boys and they knew I was planning on circ'ing but that I didn't TRULY want to, and neither of them tried to make my MIL or my DH think it over more clearly... know what I mean? I wish I had one of them, or both, to back me up! At the time I really didn't know that I had a choice, like, that it was MY decision and not OUR decision.

[mimiharshe]

Wow. You have had some harsh responses. I've never made it the circ boards before and am scared now! LOL

I wouldn't tell you to leave your dh, stop ttc or to hate your self or that your boys will hate you! That is all silly. You didn't have the info or the support before (even though it was your decision). (I also wouldn't say hating America b/c of circ. makes sense). When I was pregnant w/dd I was so happy when I found out it was a girl b/c we didn't totally agree on the circ issue. Dh just thought it was normal (like your dh and most others), but I was thinking not. Well, by the time we had ds 20 months later, we had both grown and learned SO MUCH that we didn't even think twice about doing it. After I had ds I thought to myself, "why would I cut his penis, that is how God made him!" We all make better choices as we learn, grow and become stronger. If you feel so strong about it this time, then decide with or w/o support. Maybe your dh needs to talk to some other men who aren't circ. or other men who are and decided not to circ their boys (like my dh). I tease dh now that he's the weird one. He agrees. But he's not upset about it. It's how he's always remembered his penis! Research or not, there's just no point in doing it. I have friends that do and I wish they didn't but they think they are doing the right thing. Forgive yourself if you feel you need to. You can explain to all your boys when they are older that you grew as a person and a mama and learned it wasn't necessary. Don't make it a huge deal and they won't.

Hope this helps,
J