This isn't working (vent)

[faerierose]

Since I sarted homeschooling ds (7) last sept. things have changed so much, the new baby and ds#2's health issues...I don't think I can handle this. ds2 has delays and a host of other issues, keeping him safe, keeping track of all the therapy apointments, tests, doctor visits is a full time job all by itself: I get almost no one on one time with ds1, we can't go out as much as we should, we can't make the middle of the day stuff the hs group does because ds2 will lose it if he misses a nap, I just can't give him what he needs. But the idea of putting him back in ps kills me. He would be in first grade but he isn't reading yet, in fact he refuses to try and read. If he goes back to ps he will be behind, he hated kindi, he HATES the busy work. I don't want to put him into a situation that is going to make him feel bad about himself. I dispise public school...ugggg But I can't keep this up, as it is now everyone is losing, Dereck needs more therapy and floortime stuff I can't really do w/ all 4 kids home, Damian needs more then what we do now, dd already insists she is going to school next year (she will be 5 this July), and I am going INSANE. I go back and forth w/ myself....back to school...stay home...I feel guilty either way.

[wonderfulmom]

Is there anyone who can help you? A friend, a family member- or maybe a homeschooling parent or homeschooled teen??

[greencat]

The "guilty" part I can reflect. I am alone w/my kids all day, and we are on a strict diet which involves heavy cooking time. I fantasize about inviting my mother to live with us, so she can help me with the cooking, cleaning and whatever. Well, the reality is that my mom and I don't get alone. We always crash. It will be a matter of days, or hours to have a house full of unhappy, grumpy, angry, sad, hurt bunch: NOT what I will stand for my children.

I haven't found other family of homeschoolers around here, but I am planning to get in touch with local homeschooler's association. Maybe we can swap service or I can meet with other families to work together somehow. We are in a music school where other mother with her children will come to my house to practice violin together. In the future, we would like to take turn to go run errands while one of us leads the practice session. I'm hoping this kind of networking will help me from getting burnt out.

[shaywyn]

How open are you to unschooling? Obviously I do not know how much research you have done, but from your post, imo, it sounds like your family is ready and would benefit from unschooling. Be able to breath and rest. There are tons of threads on this forum to explain the how, the why, and the what for, but when you get down to it, it's just trust in yourself and especially in your child. I can see that you need a solution and I totally understand your aversion to public school. It certainly can't hurt to give unschooling a try.

Good Luck to you. I can feel how hard this is for you and I hope you find a path that works for you and your family very soon. :

[RiverSky]

Since you are a member of a homeschool group, or so it sounds, why not start some of your own events or get-togethers at times which would work better for you? They would be in addition to what is already available in the group. Like, you could start a boys club for boys aged 5 to 9 or something, though you can say that siblings are welcome, also, and just meet at your house or at a playground or get a room at a community center and set up some sort of activity for them, perhaps a sport or art or something. If your group has a Yahoo Group site, or something similar, you can start by asking who would join, then pick 2 or 3 possible dates and times and see which is best for the most interested members. Can you tell I've done this sort of thing before?

You could start by meeting once a month or twice a month, whatever works best for you. Also, depending on your area, there might be many more activities available that your 7 year old could be involved in to get his educational and social wants and needs fulfilled. We have homeschool classes of all sorts offered through Parks n Rec, local art societies, children's museums, local businesses, gymnastics locations, etc. Our local libraries also have educational events after school offered for free, things for large age ranges that don't require reading for instance, and are focused around hands-on activities, as well as information from a teacher.


I'm also a huge proponent of unschooling, but even if you feel that unschooling is not the way you want to go, I truly don't think you need to give up on homeschooling to achieve everything you want to achieve. If you are insistent upon getting one-on-one time with your son, what about getting a mother's helper, a neighborhood teen or 12 year old to help you out for an hour after school, perhaps 3 days a week, while you spend that time with your eldest son? Hopefully that amount of time will help you to feel more confident that progress is being made.

Good luck!

[1growingsprout]

just a thought, can you work with DS after the littles go to bed? or during nap time? weekends?? school does not have to be done between the hours of 9-3... if you DD wants to try school in the fall and you think she will thrive, why not send her? that may give you a few hrs to work with DS..

instead of traditional learning, how about signing DS up for a class or program? our library has 'book buddies' where an older child will help the younger ones read, read to them etc? does story time work for your kids? ds 7 should be able to go in the room alone if you need to wait outside with the littles??

there are many different ways to learn... summer is coming, how about sometype of intensive camp for ds7?

[Brisen]

Can your dp take over some stuff you do with ds? I've been tired and sick with this pg, and my ds was really missing doing his math stuff with me. My dh has started working with him after dinner. It has really helped, and we're keeping on with it now that I'm mostly feeling better.

[Wilhemina]

I certainly haven't mastered this, far from it, but wouldn't it be nice if we could remove guilt from the decision-making process!

[wordmommy]

I support your decision to homeschool, but I would like to suggest that if you are stretched so thin, it might be a good idea to take some of the burden off yourself. Kindergarten and 1st grade are quite different, and it might be that Damian will want to "catch up" when he is more engaged. (He probably won't have busy work if he's behind, kwim?)

I'm sorry you are struggling with guilt...I know that makes the whole situation harder. I hope you find some peace with this whole thing.

[violet]

sounds like your plate is full to overflowing. You've had some great tips already, I just wanted to add mommy advice I heard from someone wiser than myself-
guilt is not a parenting skill. We should only feel guilty for things we do that are bad, not difficult situations we find ourselves in and must find our way out of. And most choices are not either/or. If both choices are too hard then try to find a third way. But even if it is either /or, you need not feel guilty for picking the solution with the least ill effects. Even if that route leads to some bad feelings or tears or struggles, it might still be the better choice of your options. you know what I mean? Some hard things are still the right things.

That said, for me, when too much is on my plate, I scoot some stuff off to the side to deal with later and get someone willing and able to come help me with the rest.
good luck
violet

[Piglet68]

I don't know how old you children are, but might it be possible to send the older ones to HS activites with another HS family from time to time? Perhaps you could swap such things with each other.

I only have two and I understand how guilty we feel when the older one doesn't get quality time b/c of the needs of the littler one. It must be very hard juggling four!

I don't think sending your older one to Kindy will be the answer. It will add alot of stress to you, and you're still gonna have to cart him back and forth and fit *that* into your baby's nap schedules, etc. Then you have to cram anything else he wants to do into the afternoons...

It sounds like you just need some extra help. Hope you find a way to get it!

[faerierose]

Originally Posted by Piglet68

I don't know how old you children are, but might it be possible to send the older ones to HS activites with another HS family from time to time? Perhaps you could swap such things with each other.

I only have two and I understand how guilty we feel when the older one doesn't get quality time b/c of the needs of the littler one. It must be very hard juggling four!

I don't think sending your older one to Kindy will be the answer. It will add alot of stress to you, and you're still gonna have to cart him back and forth and fit *that* into your baby's nap schedules, etc. Then you have to cram anything else he wants to do into the afternoons...

It sounds like you just need some extra help. Hope you find a way to get it!

Your right...I do need help I think that is my biggest problem right now, I have very little support, no family around that can help, I don't even have any real friends.

[MidwifeErika]

Maybe you could hire a homeschooled teen to be a mothers helper a few days a week? That teen could do some reading or art activities or whatever with your other children while you work with your ds2. I would bet that just a few hours a week of help could probably make a huge impact in how you are feeling.