Converting DH to all things "Natural Family Living..."

[boysmom2]

I hope I'm posting in the right place...
Does anyone have experience converting a reluctant dh to this lifestyle? I have to say that my dh is wonderful, and a great dad. But, he is not convinced that the choices I have made/would like to make are really the best for our family.

Mostly we disagree in regards to healthy/organic foods/eating less meat, using cloth diapers, gentle discipline, and circumcision. I think a lot of it is because of how he was raised. He turned out fine, right? (I really hate that argument.)

He is a wonderful husband and father, he just thinks I’m a little nuts. If anyone has had success in any of these areas, I’d really appreciate any advice. Thanks!

[amitymama]

I'm curious because you already have 2 boys and you said he disagrees with your anti-circ stance -- are your boys circed then?

The other things like GD, cloth diapers, organic food, etc.. can be introduced but I would recommend doing it gently and one at a time. Don't just say "let's completely change our lives" or he will be overwhelmed and just dig his heels in and dismiss all of it. Do lots of research on the benefits of each choice and outline for him, in clear terms, those benefits and what you would like to do to achieve them, how it will affect the household and what you will all have to sacrifice (but also what you will ultimately gain). If he is still unsure, begin making small changes yourself. Use CD when you're caring for the kids. If he want to continue using sposies, let him. If he sees you using gentle discipline and how much calmer and effective it is, he will probably pick up on that and subconsciously employ some of your tactics the next time he has to discipline the children. People will do what works so if you're making it work, he's much more likely to convert.

[annethcz]

I think that it is extrememly hard, and sometimes an outright *bad* idea to try and talk someone into changing their view of the world.

Yes, I'm more crunchy than DH. But I rarely ask him to change what he's doing because of me. When it comes to the kids, we discuss. But when it comes to how we live our lives, I don't tell my DH that he needs to change. I wanted to eat healthier and lower on the food chain, so I became a vegetarian 5 years ago. I don't tell DH that he can't eat meat, but I don't eat it or cook it. When it came to diapers, I was the primary caregive of my children, so I changed and laundered most of the the CDs. Nothing was stopping DH from going out and buying sposies, but he didn't feel strongly enough about the issue to buy something I wouldn't use.

As for GD, this is an issue for me and my DH too. Basically, I parent the way I feel is best, I discuss with DH when I feel he's crossing the line. But, I cannot control my DH's behavior. I have let him know that physical punishment is unacceptable, and I will not allow my kids to be treated that way. However, I do also subscribe to the theory that it is a positive thing for children to experience different parenting styles.

Circumcision was an issue on which I was unwilling to compromise, so I can't help you with that one.

[boysmom2]

Thanks for all your thoughts, good stuff to think about.

As for the circ issue, yes our boys are circumcised. When they were born, I didn't want to do it, but I didn't really know enough to argue it. We didn't really discuss it until after DS1 was born, and the doctors came to our hospital room to ask if we were doing it (I know, if only I could go back...). DH was SO adamant that we had to do it, and he just couldn't believe I was even hesitant. I finally gave in - I so regret that. When DS2 was born, I figured I didn't really have much of a choice, since we had done it once already. How I wish I had found all of you 5 years ago! So, if we ever have another boy, I know it will be a HUGE battle.

Anyway, thanks for your help. I'm hoping he'll start to come around. He really is not a bad guy - I hope that's not how I'm making him sound.

[Nodtveidt]

It just takes time. If he loves you and the family you've created together, you'll find you can all come to a happy medium, and you never know...with enough education on the "right way of living", he may come full circle. I did.

[libranbutterfly]

I have no advice, since I am battling with my husband on this as well. He says that I cant do things that way, and calls me a "hippie", but in the end, he deals with it. We are currently CDing, slinging, and part time co sleeping, and I have started making more food from scratch (started eating alot of convenience foods when DD2 was born) I doubt we'll ever go veggie, I was veggie in high school, but DH and DD1 need their meat at every meal. I wish you the best of luck, and if you find anything that makes it easier, be sure to share