The only reliable research you're going to find is ones that say violent video games are bad for kids.http://www.psychologymatters.org/videogames.html
But, I'm not expecting your dh to be playing Doom with a 5 year old, are you?
For an opposing viewpoint see:http://www.pbs.org/kcts/videogamerev...act/myths.html
But really, the problem I see here is:
1. You are actively attacking something he sees as a good way to relax.
2. You're not willing to compromise.
3. You post comes across as being quite strong, and to be honest, a bit disrespectful of your dh. I'm sure you didn't intend it that way, but are you sure that you're not coming across that way to him?
You might be TV free, but you're not computer free. So, what are you going to do when your ds wants to be on the computer? How do you feel about computer games? Screen time in general?
There are compromises, you're just not seeing/considering them right now. You could compromise on handheld games only. You could compromise on content of games. You could compromise on the amount of time your children can play and/or the age at which you let them start. You could start to compromise by listening to your husband's arguments about how it's not that bad and really HEARING what he has to say and WHY. You could talk about your worries if your kids do play video games and see how he responds to that. But taking a stand first and marshalling arguments isn't going to make for a happy resolution for this issue.
I would just as soon be TV free in our household. Dh, on the other hand, grew up in a house where the TV was on a lot. He uses TV to relax. So, the compromise we've reached about our kids is:
1. No TV as infants. Period. Lots of research how this is bad.
2. After age 2, 1/2-1 hour a day if THEY request it. In the winter, they request it nearly every day. In the summer, they go weeks without watching TV.
3. The TV is located in the basement, where it is inconvenient to use. It has to be a CHOICE to watch TV. I don't want it on in the background.
4. ABSOLUTELY NO TVs in the bedroom. Ever. This was hard for dh to get used to, but I was very clear on how it was important to me. Because I wasn't insisting that all TV go away, he could live with it.
5. The limit is on SCREENTIME - so if they play a computer game, they use up part of their time.
6. We tightly control what they watch (we've got a DVR so we record things ahead of time and that's what they can choose from). No commercial TV, nothing with commercials in it, nothing that's not for preschoolers.
7. Computer games are to be non-violent. Always. As long as they live in our house. (Dh is actually against gaming systems because of the expense. He'd rather have our kids play computer games.)
My kids are happy, healthy, imaginative and gentle. They interact with us. We don't park them in front of the TV and let them drool
. TV/computer games are just one of many things they do. And a small part of what they do. In fact, ds spends more time bugging me to play soccer than he does bugging me to watch tv!