I'm feeling pressure from dh and my mom/teaching 4yo letters

[DoomaYula]

I have 4yo twin boys. I am homeschooling because I believe that each individual child has different needs and that a one-learning-fits-all won't work for my kids. (Or any kids, but that's another story!) Also, I want to instill a love for LEARNING. Not rote memorization, or learning just to pass a test, or whatever. I would say I'm probably heading toward unschooling.

Anyway, I have not done anything formal until recently, when dh start saying that the boys should learn their letters. My mom, who was a K teacher for 20 years, agrees. Personally, I disagree -- I think when they want to learn to write their letters, they will ask. But whatever, I decided to try teaching the boys the letters in their names, to appease the masses.

I'd write them out on a piece of paper and ask the boys to copy their names with crayons. They were VERY reticent. Neither is very good at holding a crayon "properly" (?) and they would get very frustrated very quickly and say, "I can't do it! You do it! I can't do it!" Finally today *I* felt frustrated -- this is like the OPPOSITE of how I want to teach my kids, by forcing them -- and I told them they could just color instead.

They would rather stare at books and "read" them, and play, than work on writing or even coloring. They also like looking at starfall.com at the letters. Just not writing them.

So my q's

Is it okay that they don't know their letters yet? Am I correct in thinking that at some point they'll WANT to learn them? Or should I continue forcing them? Can anyone share some btdt stories about this?

[ABand3]

I think it's ok to not know letters at age 4, but I also think you can easily incorporate recoginzing and learning to write letters in every day play. Forcing it, IMO, will backfire in a big way, and start you on a path of constant struggle.

Starting with the letters in their names is a great idea. My DS2 is nearly 4 (in preschool, but will hs starting K, along with DS1 who's 7), and he's beginning to learn letters at school & home. We started with recognizing the first letter of his name "N" - just pointing it out in everyday life, and on things that have his name on it. He was excited, because it was about him. Then we noted the other letters, then siblings names, and so on. It's always in a playful way, just like you show your kids the differnce between a cat and a dog, the color green and the color blue, etc.

For writing, I think kids at age four just need plenty of fine motor skills work that is not writing, but that will build skills for writing. Any kind of coloring, painting, writing, with lots of different tools/media, even if it's just scribbles; slowly the scribbles will become intentional lines/shapes, and you build from there. A child can't write letters until he can draw an intentional line/curve. As part of pointing out letters, we would point out when my son's scribbles resembled something, "look, you drew a circle, a mountain", etc. Other fine motor skills activities, like playdough, legos, sorting small objects, etc also builds toward writing skill. You can also write letters in many other ways before putting pencil to paper - lining up blocks or other objects, dragging a stick through the sand, fingerpainting, etc.

Find ways to notice letters in what they already enjoy playing, and tell your DH and mom that you ARE working on it .

[illinoismommy]

I agree that learning letters can be fun.... it should be a part of your play with them.... I didn't do any lessons, I just pointed them out every time I saw them "oh look, a T like Tree" ..... or "M like mmmmmmommy"

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by YumaDoula

So my q's

Is it okay that they don't know their letters yet? Am I correct in thinking that at some point they'll WANT to learn them? Or should I continue forcing them? Can anyone share some btdt stories about this?

As I've said in so many other threads here that it's come to be almost like part of my name , my own son went to 1/2 days of Waldorf kindergarten for two years where they emphasized play, listening to stories, songs, a bit of arts and crafts, and plenty of opportunity to build the imagination - no letters or numbers at all. He didn't learn letters till he was almost 7 when he was about to enter a 1st grade in which the others would already know 3 letter words. His skill fit in just fine. He's in college now - doing well - got into his first choice with a merit scholarship offer - so it apparently didn't stunt his growth. Here's our story - you'll find some interesting comments there from he and his dad:
Homeschooling - A Wonderful Way of Life!

This pressure to get 2 and 3 and 4 year olds into the 3Rs absolutely boggles my mind. They have no need of it. Reading is just a means to understand the written word - but why in the world does a young child have any particular need for that yet? They have so many other important things to learn and experience. Reading is wonderful - it brings things into our minds from all over the world, all times in history, all areas of the imagination - but like so many things in life, its greatest usefulness is at a later age. I"m not saying a child who's asking to learn to read at a very early age should be discouraged from it or denied the pleasure - but that's a very different thing. The thing that is important is to let them see what a pleasure it can be - through all the wonderful books you read to them - it's just one of those things we want them to enjoy. As you say, it's the love of learning that's important to foster for a great life - and to force something on a child for absolutely no good reason is NOT going to accomplish that.

Here's a page I put together on preschool/kindergarten. The first two articles at the top are by myself and another homeschooler (Bev runs the Eclectic Homeschooler website) - but most of the other articles are by professional educators, researchers, or others involved with children. There are several interesting book excerpts among them - in fact you may want to get one or two of the books (David Elkind's is one). I suggest you click right on through the links and make paper copies of the ones you feel may explain it best in ways your family will relate to.

Hm... I wasn't finished ranting, but I got distracted with something here at home and forgot what the rest was.

Best of luck! Lillian

[Monkeygrrl]

we got flashcards for Pman...and we would go over them a couple times a week...he is 4.5 and still does not recognize letters...but he is starting to recognize and write numbers...he knows shapes, colors, left and right, and more things that i dont feel like writing...he just started writing numbers (like this week), which was really cool...he wrote 1, 2, 3 and 8...lol...

i say tell the dh and mom to back off a bit...they are still little...let them learn at their own pace...get some flashcards with letters and numbers...make it a game...and watch them learn on their own...

peace...

[NannyL]

It's FINE that they don't know their letters - trust your gut on this one. A lot of 4 year olds don't have the fine motor skills necessary to do a lot of writing. (I remember being in first grade when we were all working on writing our names legibly, and now if kids can't write their name by the time they are 3 or 4, they're supposedly "behind." I don't believe it. Anyway...)

That being said, there are lots of fun ways to learn writing their names and letters. The 3 1/2 year old I nanny for likes to sign her name on cards to friends and family, and she LOVES to "sign" the credit card slip when we go out to eat (I let her draw on the customer copy). She can write the first two letters, and then she asks me to guide her hand for the rest. (Sometimes she will "write" her name as a bunch of straight lines, one for each letter as she spells her name. I see that as a great step as well, just understanding that each mark makes a letter. I don't correct her, and just help her and show her the letters if she asks.)

She also really enjoys the wooden letter pieces from Handwriting without Tears, and we will play around and make letters with those. Make playdough snakes and shape into letters. Draw letters in sand, or with your fingers in the air. Use raisins to form letters, and then eat them for a snack. We will sometimes make collages in the shape of different letters. We also enjoy making letters on a whiteboard, or on her magna doodle.

For fine motor skills, we do lots of art. Do your boys like any kind of art? They don't like coloring, but what about painting? Collages? Stamps? (Ooh - one of my favorite projects - take cookie cutters (letters, numbers, animals, anything), dip in paint, and stamp on paper.) Try coloring with different materials - crayons, markers, colored pencils, pastels, chalk (sidewalk chalk outside is fun), etc.