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Do you let your child say crap or freakin? - Page 2

post #21 of 122
The parents (esp. the dad) of the kids I nanny for swear a lot. I have started swearing more in the past two years of working for them. At 18 months old, the girl was using the F word appropriately - as in when she was mad - and she would say sh*t when she dropped something, etc. At 3 1/2 we are working on how they are not polite words to say out in public, but she's allowed to say them at home (as long as they aren't directed at another person). Like pp have said, it would be rather hypocritical to say that she couldn't, since she learned them from us.

I think it's perfectly fine to have rules about not swearing, but I think it should be a family rule, not a "just kids" rule. Besides, kids learn most by example anyway, and if you don't swear, and let them know that you don't think swearing is appropriate, they won't get into the habit as much.
post #22 of 122
I don't use the "real" swear words; neither does Joe... but I do say crap, freaking, mother grubber, etc, with reckless abandon. I do NOT say these words to "replace" swear words... when I say freaking, I am not thinking of the F bomb, I am thinking freaking... so I don't get that argument. If I wanted to say the F word, I'd just say it, ya know??

He can't use any word disrespectfully though.
post #23 of 122
"Crap" bothers me slightly. "Freaking" doesn't bother me at all. Yeah - it's a substitute for the "big" F-word, but I don't care about substitutes. I don't get upset about them using these words, but do explain that there are places where they're not appropriate. DS1 can say either of them. I think he's old enough (14) to know what he's saying, and deal with the consequences if he offends somebody. I'm very sure he swears when we're not around, too.

I swear too much, but I'm getting better all the time. It's something I started working on years ago, but was already the well-established habit of two decades, so it's taking a lot of work.

ETA: We also don't allow "stupid", "retard", etc. Sarcastic "compliments" are also forbidden.
post #24 of 122
I have no problem with "freakin'" - yeah, it is a replacement word, but then so is "gosh, darn it", "goodness" "oh heck". Freakin' is pretty tame in my book.

Crap is a little more dodgy to me. I try to avoid it.

Call me old fashioned, but I hate it when I hear small children swear (I mean under 5s). It really really bugs me and I admit it, I think less of the child and the parent of that child. I do understand there may be a strong philosophical reason for not restricting a child's ability to swear, but in my personal experience, most small kids who do swear are not exposed to swearing due to a conscious decision (like most of the posters on this thread) but due to lack of consideration or even laziness by the parents.

We try to make a point of NOT swearing in front of the kids - I often replace F with Frelling (a la Farscape) or Frackin' (a la BSG). I try hard to not even say God damn it or other phases that may offend other people. Because those phrases DO offend people - people who I care about, even if I am not offended by those same phrases.

I can see that my kids (who are quite young), who don't know any differently, will be treated less kindly and with less tolerance by neighbors, teachers, and others if they use swear words in front of them. We can bemoan it all we want to - but I don't care - part of my job is to give my kids skills to live in this world and if that means following certain societal rules to make their lives easier, we will do that.

I pick and choose the rules we follow and the rules we don't. The "no swearing for young children" rule is one I see no benefit in breaking and a lot of benefit in following.

Your mileage may vary.

Siobhan
post #25 of 122
Just want to clairify that my children will also understand the difference between home/friends and at grandma's house etc. I think kids take their cues from us, and while we swear sometimes at home, we generally don't in public.

Also, I figure if they are "allowed" to swear it won't be this big forbidden thing. I swore like a sailor as a kid becuase it was a grown up thing and I wasn't allowed. I think the novelty would have worn off if it was treated just like any other word at home.
post #26 of 122
My kids do use these words but it's a real problem for our family.
I have older kids and their language rubs off on my five year old. When we go to get togethers with her friends (and all the mom's have children who are 5 and under) I'm super afraid Lucia will say something that would shock them. (Frickin or crap or worse yet that something sucks or is gay.)
We don't allow real swear words from the kids.
I think kids swearing is gross.:
But my Dh thinks kids who swear are hipsters....
post #27 of 122
It isn't acceptable to me. I don't allow it. I don't punish it, and don't make a big deal about it but it simply isn't acceptable to me. Words have power, and understanding that power should be used in a discriminating way is something that comes with time and maturity.

I do have a potty mouth. I try to tame it. My DH totally doesn't. My 2.5 year old just got over a phase of singing, "Oh For God's Sakes! Oh For God's Sakes!" over and over. You may assume who she got it from. I just hoped she would get over it before my hardcore pentecostal MIL came to visit.

I deal with it by telling them the young kid version of the first paragraph.
post #28 of 122
We don't curse and honestly, I think it sounds really trashy. So it's not something my children will be allowed to do around me. Obviously I can't control what they do when I'm not there.

Words like crap I wouldn't really make a big deal out of. Depends on how often it's said. Holy crap wouldn't be allowed either. Freakin' is a no-go. It just sounds dumb.
post #29 of 122
We have things that we say in our house but our four-year-old knows not to say in front of other people. So far she has no interest in swearing but I think that's because I swear so much.
post #30 of 122
Dh and I were just talking about this tonight. My dd (3 on Sunday) said "f#!" and stomped her foot in a store when she and I were holiday shopping. We don't curse a lot at home, but we obviously do some, and she picked it up. I reacted as if she had said "No" or some more appropriate word, and just tried to downplay it. She's never said it since.

(I find it funny though, that she was angry because I said we couldn't nurse in the very crowded store and needed to wait until we got to a cafe where I could sit down. How many kids can curse about having to wait to nurse?)

Now she's picked up "Darn it" from my mother. The "darn it" though, my mother tried to stop her from saying, so now she's been giggling and running around shouting it. I guess the lesson is to downplay it if it happens once with a young child and not get up in arms about it or it'll really sink in, "darn it!"

I also, though, prefer butt, poop, pee, vagina, and penis (all of which she knows) to more cutsey terms. No one is allowed to use insult words though, nor am I okay with things directed at people/animals like "$!% you," including "Darn you."

I would never let her call someone or something "gay," "queer," or "witch" as an insult. Especially being that family members are all of those. I consider those as offensive as the n-word, honestly.

In short, no personal insults are acceptable, but undirected curses are tolerable here.
post #31 of 122
I rarely swear and my dh swears a lot, so it is a problem for me. I didn't allow the kids to swear when they were younger, but now that they are grown, they swear like their dad........sigh.........I hate it and am pretty offended when people swear around me. I just don't like it.
post #32 of 122
well-l-l-l... i think it has a little to do with the age of the child, and a lot to do with whether or not they can remember to NOT use those words in particular situations. i mean, i don't want to give my kids a complex about "omg he said a baaaaad word!!" like a lot of kids seem to have --but i certainly want them to know that those words are taken as impolite by most people, etc etc. I try not to make a big deal out of it, and they seem to just take it all in sride. They're nearly 5 and nearly 8, and I never hear them using bad words, tho I'm quite sure they are aware of them. i think they see phrases like "shut up!" or "stupid" as one level of rude, and then using cuss words as the next level up....heh
post #33 of 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nodtveidt View Post
It takes an adult to realize that they're only words.
You're right. They are only words and it does take an adult to realize that. I not only let my children swear but they are allowed to say whatever they want. That includes racial slurs, degrading and humiliating comments about overweight and mentally and physically challenged people etc... They're only words after all and I, as an adult, realize that. Who am I to impost societies impostitions regarding respect and courtesy on them anyway?
post #34 of 122
Holy snark, Batman.
post #35 of 122
I've resigned myself to the fact that my kids are probably going to be the ones teaching the 'bad words' to the other kids.

DH and I have gotten better about it, but it doesn't bother me at all, I don't know that I'd even always catch it to correct it!

I have explained to my kids that some people don't like to hear certain words used (Mama doesn't like to hear the kids call each other names, for example...and Grandma's eyes bug out if a little someone says 'dammit'), so when we are over at another person's house or have a guest over we need to use polite words.

I think I'd be more likely to discipline my kids for breaking the rules in their host's home or treating a guest rudely than for language per se, though sometimes certain words might be off limits at other people's houses and in front of other people. They're old enough to get that different places have different rules, so it hasn't been a problem....yet.
post #36 of 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by WalkingByFaith View Post
You're right. They are only words and it does take an adult to realize that. I not only let my children swear but they are allowed to say whatever they want. That includes racial slurs, degrading and humiliating comments about overweight and mentally and physically challenged people etc... They're only words after all and I, as an adult, realize that. Who am I to impost societies impositions regarding respect and courtesy on them anyway?
Um, HUGE difference between letting a child say crap (which happens to just be a reference to some guy who made toilets back in the day) and letting a child use racial slurs.

That said, I try not to swear. I think there are more intelligent ways to express my emotions. My kids have on occasion said a swear word picked up by myself or mainly DH who can swear quite a bit. We talk about other words that can be used instead and ask that they not use those words at school, etc.

Freaking I can understand why people don't like it but I don't understand how crap is a swear word. It is a euphemism for poop. Thomas Crapper was a guy who made toilets. This is an odd topic to come upon because I just watched a show on the history of bathrooms on the History Channel last night. I am such a dork.
post #37 of 122
Crap is no big deal that is the word we use most of the time when we are talking about poop as in "I need to go take a crap" it isnt even close to being a swear word.

We dont use cuss words around the kids (unless I stub my toe : ) seriously I do the best I can to not say bad words because to us it is a sin. But crap dosnt count and technicaly neither does freakin I just dont like how it sounds.
post #38 of 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by WalkingByFaith View Post
Who am I to impost societies impostitions regarding respect and courtesy on them anyway?
Uhhhmmm you are the PARENT that is what makes it your responsability to raise your kids to respect others and that includes not calling people names. : :
post #39 of 122
I swear a lot and my kids know all the swear words. If used in context like "Shit!" when something falls or whatever, then I'm OK with it. If they are just saying the word to say the word, then I tell them that it is inappropriate. I also let them know that swear words are mostly for adults and when they are adults they can decide if they want to use them or not. I give them the reason that most people do not like to hear little kids using swear words and that they can actually get into trouble in places like school if they use them.

This has worked really well for us. My kids rarely use swear words within my earshot and I've not heard anything from school or daycare about using inappropriate language. And like I said, if used in a way that makes sense, I don't say anything about it.
post #40 of 122
No, because I think that the words are too close to cussing.

"Crap" is borderline, but I still don't think it sounds nice.

I believe that an intelligent person should be able to express themselves without profanity. That being said, I know I am not perfect. I will sometimes let one fly. But then I apologize to my children and do my best not to do it again. If one of the boys says a swear word, we don't make a huge issue of it. We simply tell them that the word doesn't sound nice and that other people may be offended by it.

I do not believe that teaching your children to be considerate of others or to express themselves in a nicer way is being a hypocrite. That is like saying that because I tried smoking and drinking when I was a teen, that I should just allow my kids to do it, IMO.
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