Do you let your child say crap or freakin? - Page 5

[Flor]

Originally Posted by lab

Once my son hit middle school, all bets were off!

Hopefully my kids realize when it is appropriate to say 'bad' words. When they slide or forget, I remind them. I don't mind hearing crap or suck, but I don't want to hear cuss words at all! I know they say it around their friends - I'm not stupid. But I don't cuss at them and I don't want to hear it either.

I don't freak out when dss (11) says it by accident. I don't like cuss words and I don't like crap, freakin', oh snap or what the --? When kids say this, the real cuss word pops in my head as if they had said it so there is no difference to me. If dss or one of my students said it, I'd say, I don't like to hear that language. I'm sure he says it around his friends, but that's where you are supposed to use it. You need to learn when it is ok to say it and when it is not.

It was upsetting to hear my three year old tell me "Dinner looks so freakin' good!" so I guess I do say that word occasionally. Working on it.

[maliceinwonderland]

Originally Posted by fourlittlebirds

That may be true for your daughter and yourself, but it's not always the reason people swear. In a past life I was profusely profane, and I can assure you that it wasn't for lack of being capable of speaking eloquently.

I guess I should have explained that more clearly. When SO and I swear, it's generally a circumstance where we're not concerned with how eloquent we are in getting our point across, if you know what I mean

Although I do think it sounds awfully trashy to hear someone throwing the f-bomb after every second word they say.

[UnschoolnMa]

Originally Posted by maliceinwonderland

I guess I should have explained that more clearly. When SO and I swear, it's generally a circumstance where we're not concerned with how eloquent we are in getting our point across, if you know what I mean

Ohh yea, I get what you're saying there. Sometimes when I am swearing I just don't care how eloquent it's coming out. I just want to say what I want to say.

Although I do think it sounds awfully trashy to hear someone throwing the f-bomb after every second word they say.

It can get old I agree... and I swear daily so that's saying something. It's not just that it's the "F" word or some other swear either, IMO. Any word that people say over and over and over again gets tired I think. People who use "like" 10 times in 2 sentences come to mind.

[dynamicdoula]

Originally Posted by Nodtveidt

It takes an adult to realize that they're only words.

I don't know why exactly, but this irritates me. It sounds condescending.

I don't know. For me, I have gone against the social grain in so many ways, I don't want my children to be outcast because their mama doesn't give a flying fu..... crap.... what other people think, in most respects.

However, in my family culture children must be respectful and while I dont' subscribe to all the ways children are expected to show their respect, it crosses MY boundaries to hear my children using cuss words. Doesn't have to be rational... that's just the way it is at my house. Oh, and I'm an adult.

[usolyfan]

No way! I don't swear and I certainly don't believe it is right for children to swear.

[Jessy1019]

Originally Posted by UnschoolnMa

I have to agree that I have never understood the argument that someone who swears must have a limited vocabulary. It might be true for some people, but it's just totally inaccurate to say that all people that use swear words are incapable of being eloquent.

I agree as well. I write professionally, my vocabulary is not at all lacking. I just like to swear.

[mamawanabe]

I swear - see nothing wrong with it and see nothing wrong with my kids doing it. Swearing is expression and can be quite creative (most writers and poets and academics - people who know words - swear a lot).

My parents had a "there is no such thing as bad words" policy for us, but we weren't allowed to insult people and we understood that different words were appropriate for different situations (i.e. though I said shit etc at home, I never said it in kindergarden class or at grandmas).

It makes no sense that "shit" would be worse "crap," but it is ture that one is more socially accpetable than the other.

Anyway, hopw all the different perspectives on this help.

[Mountaingirl3]

Dh and I do not swear or substitute swear. As the kids get older, we certainly won't forbid them, just ask them not to swear around us or anyone else who they respect (ie teachers, grandparents, friends' parents). Right now, they're just into joking potty-talk, which they are allowed to use to their hearts' content in the bathroom only.

For dh, swearing in anger is particularly problematic. He grew up in a violent household, and swear words are connected with being out-of-control in his mind. For me, swear words can definately raise the stress of a situation.

Once in a blue moon, a well chosen swear can be hilarious in a joking tone and context. But in frustration, as an insult, in a blaming tone--that stuff is out.

[zinemama]

Originally Posted by UnschoolnMa

I have to agree that I have never understood the argument that someone who swears must have a limited vocabulary. It might be true for some people, but it's just totally inaccurate to say that all people that use swear words are incapable of being eloquent.

Oh, I completely agree that people who lace their everyday conversation with curse words may well be capable of eloquence. They just don't come across that way.

[UnschoolnMa]

The difference for me is that I don't think swearing automatically = limited vocabulary or "low class" talk, etc. I think someone can say "damn" or some other word (I won't push my luck by typing them here even though they are related to the convo lol) in casual conversation and not sound bad at all. I guess it just depends on background, culture and so on.

[mata]

words that I'm ok with my seven yo saying in our house, just around family:

fart
crap
ass
Polish and Spanish words for "sh!t"

she makes references to "the f word" (she knows what it is but really wants to know what it means now that she's seven)
Just the other day she learned sh!t, thanks to Gwen Stefani's bananas. I told her what it meant and she wouldn't stop laughing. I told her she could sing it in her room, just don't say it in front of her three year old sister or at school.
She asked if she could think it in her head and I told her she could do that all she wanted.

we don't tolerate name calling.

[Flor]

Originally Posted by Mountaingirl3

For dh, swearing in anger is particularly problematic. He grew up in a violent household, and swear words are connected with being out-of-control in his mind. For me, swear words can definately raise the stress of a situation.
.

I totally agree with this. I also connect swear words with being out of control. I can argue without them anyday. If dh starts using them in anger, I cannot continue to communicate with him. I think kids need to understand the impact those words may have on others.

Maybe it doesn't make "sense" that shit is worse than crap, but as a society, I think we have set aside certain words that have more power to show when we are angier, more frustrated, or trying to insult. I think kids need to learn when it is appropriate (in my mind, when joking friends, etc.) and when it is likely to insult, show disrespect or hurt feelings.

[RubyWild]

Not in my presence, no. If she and her friends choose to speak that way amongst themselves, that okay, but "crap" isn't okay in front of me. Freaking is fine.

[Brigianna]

If I wanted my kids not to say "crap," I would have to undo 7 yrs worth of modeling.

I'm not fond of "freaking," but I wouldn't ban it.

We ask the kids not to name call, insult people, or use God's name in vain. Beyond that, we don't really care.

[BelgianSheepDog]

I don't give a crap and I don't see what the big freakin' deal is. Those of you who think cursing belies a lack of creativity obviously don't have Irish grandmothers. Jesus Peter Murphy.

Seriously though, in our house it's all about context.

[Nature]

To us, words are just words. We swear, and I have absolutely no problem if my children do. Ironically, at almost 9 and 4 they don't at all. But most definatly I would not ban "freakin" or "crap." They don't even register on my swear-o-meter honestly.

[BelgianSheepDog]

Oh, I was going to say earlier, I find the hierarchy of "bad words" baffling. My mother insisted that "dang" was bad, but "darn" was ok. They're both euphemisms/allusions to the same very mild "swear word." So why is one worse? My mom also banned fart, a very respectable Germanic word for flatulence. Instead, we had to say we "tooted" which if anything is more disgusting as it's more descriptive. My DH's mom banned both fart and "fluff" which I guess means fart where she comes from. She'd get mad at them for reading the label of that gooey "Marshmallow Fluff" at the store. Oh also, my mom banned "butt" as a swear word, so we were only allowed to sit on our "bottoms." It all gets so ornate and I just have to say, why bother?

[Lesley77]

Originally Posted by mamawanabe

I swear - see nothing wrong with it and see nothing wrong with my kids doing it. Swearing is expression and can be quite creative (most writers and poets and academics - people who know words - swear a lot).

My parents had a "there is no such thing as bad words" policy for us, but we weren't allowed to insult people and we understood that different words were appropriate for different situations (i.e. though I said shit etc at home, I never said it in kindergarden class or at grandmas).

It makes no sense that "shit" would be worse "crap," but it is ture that one is more socially accpetable than the other.

Anyway, hopw all the different perspectives on this help.

ITA. My son (2 3/4) is in a very concrete phase right now, so he doesn't say them and gets aghast when he hears "stupid" on the king of sponges. "Mama! That's not a nice word!" But as he gets older I'm sure he'll better understand the nuances of society/household and I won't have a problem with it at home.

[velochic]

I have read most of this thread. I have to admit that I swear sometimes when I'm angry and my brain shuts down. But for me the bottom line is this... whether I ENJOY swearing or not (I don't), it is out of RESPECT to the HEARER that I speak to them in a manner that is not offensive. For some people, swearing is offensive, and therefore should never be spoken... whether that is in front of a child, a family member, or a stranger. I don't think any swear words should ever be used, even in anger. It's crass and I think it shows that you do not know how to respect the person you are talking to. I don't care what your level of education is or what your degree is in, swearing is not about YOU, it's about who hears the words. If I get angry and use a cuss word, I've just shown that I'm no longer respecting the person I'm talking to. I honestly don't see a difference between cussing and racial, social, or sexual slurs because SOMEONE is being disrespected.

[monkeys4mama]

Originally Posted by velochic

I have read most of this thread. I have to admit that I swear sometimes when I'm angry and my brain shuts down. But for me the bottom line is this... whether I ENJOY swearing or not (I don't), it is out of RESPECT to the HEARER that I speak to them in a manner that is not offensive. For some people, swearing is offensive, and therefore should never be spoken... whether that is in front of a child, a family member, or a stranger. I don't think any swear words should ever be used, even in anger. It's crass and I think it shows that you do not know how to respect the person you are talking to. I don't care what your level of education is or what your degree is in, swearing is not about YOU, it's about who hears the words. If I get angry and use a cuss word, I've just shown that I'm no longer respecting the person I'm talking to. I honestly don't see a difference between cussing and racial, social, or sexual slurs because SOMEONE is being disrespected.

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