She wants to circ her older baby!

[michaelasmommy]

My friend has one intact foster child and one circ'd adopted child. They may at some point adopt their foster child. She told me today that if they do adopt the little boy, they will be having him circ'd "as soon as the adoption is final". I refuted all her arguments (and she had some wierd ones!), but she's sticking by the "we want both boys to look the same" excuse. What can I do to change her mind? I can't stand the thought of him being circ'd!:

[Fi.]

I'd definitely mention the fact that the birthmother may have left him intact on purpose and it's kind of a slap in the face to her (even if she doesn't know) to take away what's probably the last gift she gave to her son.

[MamaRabbit]

^^^^ Very good argument for it.

[hanno]

Also, not being bio siblings, they are probably going to have a lot more physical differences that are visible outside their pants. I don't think they're going to be traumatized that they have different noses.....

[sunnymw]

Whoa, the state protects foster kids from that kind of abuse, but once they're adopted, they're on their own?

I wish this was like... you know, tattoos, where even with parental permission the person has to wait until 18. Imagine being six or seven, trusting the people you're living with, and then one day....

[kathy1_10]

I had a neighbor that adopted a boy that was already circ but because his penis looks different then his older brother got him redone.

[aira]

Are they going to have plastic surgery of their faces to look more alike? :

I think all the "so they'll look alike" business is just "so they won't ask questions".

[pjlioness]

Originally Posted by aira

I think all the "so they'll look alike" business is just "so they won't ask questions".

I do believe you've hit the proverbial nail on the head. (I'd love a smiley for that one.)

[luckymamato2]

Originally Posted by aira

Are they going to have plastic surgery of their faces to look more alike? :

Exactly. My MIL tried the same thing on me and I refuted with something like this.

[sophiekat]

how old is this child?
she realises he'll have to go under general anaesthesia? and have a long and most likely painful recovery? that will probably interfere with their bonding?
: doesn't begin to describe it, but i wish there was a way to protect this boy :

[De-lovely]

I would really stress how much this could effect their bonding time especially a child coming out of the system and struggling with trust issues I am certain. This makes me very sad.

[eepster]

What troubles me the most is she probably won't have any trouble finding a Dr happy to do it.

[minkajane]

How old is this baby? If he's over 18 months or so, this could have some serious ramifications when it comes to potty learning. I know I'd be petrified to pee if I fell asleep one day and woke up with a wound where part of my genitals used to be.

[MoonJelly]

Originally Posted by kathy1_10

I had a neighbor that adopted a boy that was already circ but because his penis looks different then his older brother got him redone.

Okay, that's fetishim in the extreme. And really sick.

[Genesis]

Who cares if they look different? Why make the same mistake twice???

[michaelasmommy]

He is 4 mos. old now, but the parentel rights have not been severed yet (but it looks like they will be soon) He will probably be about a year to 18 mos. old by the time adoption is finalized if rights are severed soon, but it can always take longer. The birth mom wanted to provide pumped milk for him at first, too, but gave up after two weeks. I think the birth mom has good intentions, but is just not able to care for a baby. I am going to get more info on circ and the possible complications for her. We are really close friends, so she knows she's going to hear about it until it gets done or she gives in.

When I first found out he was intact, my first response was, "oh, what a lucky boy!" She has continued talking about it even after knowing how I felt, so I feel like she may be open to it. I know her DH is a little stubborn about some things. He really resented having to deal with the breastmilk issue. So he may be the real problem. I just hope I can give her a good enough reason to take it up with him!

[Arduinna]

Originally Posted by Fi.

I'd definitely mention the fact that the birthmother may have left him intact on purpose and it's kind of a slap in the face to her (even if she doesn't know) to take away what's probably the last gift she gave to her son.

while I agree with you, I'm not sure it's the best stance. Some people might see that as a plus, one more mark of the child being theirs and not the birth moms. I don't know the family involved here so I'm speaking generally.

[Arduinna]

Originally Posted by kathy1_10

I had a neighbor that adopted a boy that was already circ but because his penis looks different then his older brother got him redone.

an example of how messed up some people are.

[Arduinna]

Originally Posted by michaelasmommy

He is 4 mos. old now, but the parentel rights have not been severed yet (but it looks like they will be soon) He will probably be about a year to 18 mos. old by the time adoption is finalized if rights are severed soon, but it can always take longer. The birth mom wanted to provide pumped milk for him at first, too, but gave up after two weeks. I think the birth mom has good intentions, but is just not able to care for a baby. I am going to get more info on circ and the possible complications for her. We are really close friends, so she knows she's going to hear about it until it gets done or she gives in.

When I first found out he was intact, my first response was, "oh, what a lucky boy!" She has continued talking about it even after knowing how I felt, so I feel like she may be open to it. I know her DH is a little stubborn about some things. He really resented having to deal with the breastmilk issue. So he may be the real problem. I just hope I can give her a good enough reason to take it up with him!

wow, she wanted to pump for her baby and after only 4 months in foster care they are trying to sever rights? It sounds like she is motivated to the best for her child and it's really sad that work isn't being done to keep them together in the long run, even if she can't care for him now.

[michaelasmommy]

wow, she wanted to pump for her baby and after only 4 months in foster care they are trying to sever rights? It sounds like she is motivated to the best for her child and it's really sad that work isn't being done to keep them together in the long run, even if she can't care for him now.

The baby had broken ribs at 6 weeks old, and when they did x-rays, found pre-existing injuries that had already healed. They also suspect shaken baby. They don't know if it was the mother or father who hurt him, but at this point, they have no plans of splitting up. She is young, and has no support except for her boyfriend. Having gone through PPD with both my children and plenty of support, I can definitely understand being frustrated with a new baby. They are enrolled to take parenting classes, but some development problems and hearing loss have been discovered, leading them to think that the abuse was more severe than previously thought. I don't know all the circumstances, obviously, but I think she has good intentions, just not the ability to care for a baby safely.