homeschooling vent (long...)

[heartmum]

Hi,

I haven't posted that much on MDC (yet?) but I feel like venting and letting out some frustration here...

I have 5 children and they have always been home educated. The oldest is 12 now.
I always thought I was going to do this whole home education thing (HE from now on ) for the long haul. Nothing was going to deter me from it. I was one committed HE mum! :

We started off as unschoolers, I left my oldest alone until he showed he was ready for things like reading & writing.
In the mean time, more babies came along and with every new addition, it seemed to get harder.

When #4 was a baby, I found Five In A Row and decided to use that. It was awesome to start off with! We'd do it while baby #4 slept. Perfect! We had a lot of fun. By that time, #1 (ds) was starting to read without a lot of help. Great!

Fastforward to 2007:
Our baby #5 is now 11 months (yes, big gap between him and #4). My second oldest (11yo dd) is hardly reading and very frustrated by the fact that her 7yo brother reads better than her.
She's also very behind (in school terms...) when it comes to math. Yet she's very creative and social. Just yesterday, her swimming teacher commented how grown up she is.
Then there's the 7yo ds. Very bright but difficult in behaviour. He's on a strict diet, much like Feingold, otherwise you can scrape him of the ceiling. He's also deaf in one ear, a major reason NOT to send him to school.
#4 is now a 5yo. She's okay, no major issues.

And then the baby. A lifewire! Who hardly ever sleeps
I wear him a lot, so I can actually get some things done. But I'm so utterly tired, despite co-sleeping that at times sending the older 4 to school looks so attractive.........

I never thought I'd feel this way... Plus the baby had health issues and needs regular checkups in the hospital.

At the moment, most days seem to slip out of my hands. Not much gets accomplished at all, let alone anything in the sense of HE.

So I feel guilty. Guilty for not spending enough educational time with the children. Guilty for being so tired, losing my temper at times and asking them to help around the house so much.

But sending the older 4 to school isn't really an option. Because of our relaxed HE style of the last 7 or so years, the older 2 would be behind if they entered school. Especially the 11yo dd.
The 7yo ds wouldn't cope in a classroom because of his hearing problem...

In other words: I have to get through this.
But I do feel at times that I have failed my precious children... They're behind academically. The oldest turns 13 later this year. Even though he learned to read a few years ago, he still doesn't like it. He can't spell for peanuts (his 7yo brother is better at spelling!) and his math is now average, while it used to be way ahead.

Have I failed at unschooling??? Do I do them a disservice if I get a lot more stricter with the schoolwork?
When baby was born, he got very sick and spent most of his first 2 months in hospital. I was with him, while a friend homeschooled my other children. She implemented a strict (school-like) schedule, with spelling tests and things like that. The kids seemed to thrive on it.
When I came home with baby, I tried to carry on with it, as it seemed easier. But now with a mobile baby who hardly sleeps, we get nothing done!

Sigh.............. not sure if I'm making any sense here... Just had to vent, I guess...

Thanks for listening, if you've read this far!

[STBSM]

Marise,
I did read but have no advice so I want to offer HUGS and you can do it! KUDOS to you!!

[saintmom]

Hugs to you.....Sounds like you've got a full plate.

Try to find something to boost your energy.I always liked the nettle tea recipes in Susan Weeds books.Try www.florahealth.com Their floradix tonic is good.

Get a manipulative based math program like miquon,it might help.Go over basic phonics for your child that"s having difficulty reading. The Ordinary Parents Guide to Teaching Reading by Susie Wise Bauer is a good one. Make your own books,the reading writing connection usually helps reluctant readers.

Don't be afraid to just take a break! Burnout happens,Luckily it doesn't last forever.

[Mom4tot]

How do the 2 eldest children feel about it? Are they asking for more structure? Maybe they could help find some things, either board games that use math, computer games, even math programs if they like. How is the weather there? Are you able to get out yet? Maybe everyone plan a garden together? 's to you.

[theretohere]

Just reading what you've said- my understanding of unschooling is that it's child driven. If the kids liked the structure, I don't see anything wrong with it.
It's definately not too late and you haven't failed.
Are you involved in a hs group? Are there any local coop classes? That may be a way to give you more one on one time with the kids to help focus on issues that are hard for them.

[mommy68]

Have you thought about trying homeschooling rather than continuing with the unschooling? Maybe your older children would atleast benefit from that moreso than the younger ones.

In all situations I always try to think of what the worse might be in the situation not because I'm being negative but it's so I know I'm prepared to handle the worst. So in this situation the only worry I would have as a parent is that if there were ever an emergency that warranted the older children starting a public school system in an emergency situation and they are behind academically that they would fall a grade or two below the other kids their age. If you are okay with that "what if" then I wouldn't worry about where they stand academically at this point. They will get absorb what they need eventually right?

[genifer]

Marise, I have three children and I feel the same way sometimes, the days slip out of my hands too. Ive recently gone thru a rough few weeks feeling the same as you. School did look attractive. I dont have any advice either but just to let you know that I understand. *hugs*

gen

[ashcox]

I'm not really there yet, as dd is only 3 and we haven't really officially started homeschooling yet, just doing regular 3 year old and 1 year old stuff at home, but I just wanted to say hang in there.

[Monkeygrrl]

maybe you could join a charter/homeschool...then you would (possibly) have someone helping you with the teaching, and you might feel better that they were actually getting the structure they seemed to thrive on...

i dont think you "failed" at unschooling...but maybe your children have grown to a point where its not working for them...and thats ok...we have 6 kids at home and 1 in public school because thats what works for them...

dont beat yourself up...find something that works for the kids and go with that until it changes again... dont worry that they are behind academically, unless its the public school standard that you are trying to keep up with...

hugs

peace...

[Ruthla]

You sound like a busy mommy of 5 energetic kids who's just feeling a little overwhelmed right now! The chore situation is separate from the schooling questions- and as far as I'm concerned, asking big kids to help with chores is part of teaching responsibility. I think kids who aren't part of the housework routine are missing out on an important part of their educations. I've seen some of these kids when they got to college/first apartment, and it's not a pretty sight!

Trust me- having kids in school doesn't mean that you get to stop parenting them- it just means that all the parenting is squished into the hours after school when everybody's overtired and restless from sitting still all day and your kids are angry about stuff that happened at school when you weren't even there. You'd still need their help with the chores but they'd have homework to do AFTER a full day of school and overall life isn't that much different- yeah you get a break each day when they're at school but then you're on overdrive when they get home.

There's nothing wrong with taking some breaks, if you can get them. Are there any homeschooling activities you can sign them up for? Can they get playdates with other homeschoolers? Even seemingly unrelated things, such as hiring somebody to help you clean the house, can help you feel less stressed and more in control of your life.

Education wise, it sounds like your older kids would benefit from more structure than they're getting now. It's probably worth it for you to invest in a ready-made curriculum, especially if it's something they can do on their own while you nap or deal with a little one.

[heartmum]

Thanks everyone, for your responses!

I know that there's no easy way about it. And sending them to school would just give me a whole new set of pressures.
Because I'd still want to be involved in their education as much as possible.

And I like having them at home! I guess I'm just burnt out, with all that has gone on and the lack of sleep.

I would like more structure in the schoolwork for the older ones, but I never really quite seem to manage. Maybe I need to make that one of my priorities, so they can work more independently.
The 11yo has recently been diagnosed with Irlen syndrome. Something to do with her eyes. She now needs special glasses with colored lenses. Hopefully that will help her reading along. A friend, who's a remedial teacher, will give her some reading tutoring as well!

I'm a trained teacher myself...
So I know what it's like inside a classroom.
E.g. to have boys in your class that never sit still. My boys are like that.

Better go and get on with my day (I'm downunder, it's breakfast time here) and think about all that's been suggested here.

(and I still : )

[Terabith]

What about something like Calvert School or PACE or Sonlight? Somethign like that might allow more structure but let the kiddos work more independently. I also might look at Phonics Tutor or Lexia for working on reading. (Software they can do independently.)

[heartmum]

Hi Jessica (and others),

In some ways I'd love a more structured program, but the trouble is that
* We're downunder and ordering any curriculum from the US costs a LOT of money (which I don't have...)
*All the stuff we already have is not exactly designed for the kids to work independently, like Five In A Row, Considering God's Creation, etc.
*I can't think of a complete curriculum that would work for my older 2, that would be affordable and Christian based. I've looked into Sonlight, but I think it's way too much for us and way too expensive

I'll think and pray about it...
It doesn't help that I have a Charlotte Mason/unschooling mindset...

[happyus3]

Hello, and I too know how it feels to be so overwhelmed. We have a lot going on. This is our first year homeschooling, and we jumped in with a baby, taking my 12 year old neice out of school (so I could teach her) and schooling my 7, and 4 year olds, while I care for another 4 year old boy everyday. There are days when we get nothing done, and other days where I feel like they have done great all day, I think it evens out. But as far as working more structure into your day, we started out by adding one subject into our day until it was habbit, and then added another. And it actually started with a couple of chores, when we got the hang of making beds everyday, then we moved on to doing 2 pages of math, and then we fit in emptying the dishwasher, and spelling and journal, so it has taken us the majority of the school year to fit the three "r's" into our day, but now that we have those, I will work on fitting in science experiments and other fun projects into our month. We also get many videos from the library, and record educational shows so that if they do sit down in front of the tv I can count it as school. We also get many books from the library, and I put a stack of them (many different kinds -about animals, story books, easy science,) in the center of the table at lunch and snack times so that they can look through them, it's funny what they will do if you just leave things laying around, we have learned things about very odd animals that I would have never thought to read about, just because we've checked out every other book in the animal section and we needed more. Also one more thing, we do quite a bit of learning while my little ones are asleep, not just at nap, but after bed time too. You can really get a lot done in an hour when you're not interrupted! I also agree with whoever said play board games, we do quite a bit of those. We also listen to cd's in the car, a skip counting one (from Math U See), a grammar one ,another about the states, and we listen to spanish lessons there too. You don't really have to put a lot of structure into your day to get some extra school in.
Can your older two work together and help eachother out? Or even take turns watching the baby while you work with another child? Good luck, let us know what works!
I just realized you mentioned the Sonlight curriculum, we also looked into it, but aside from cost, it was just too involved for me, but I have noticed in the catalogue you can make out the titles of the books... you could see what their reading list includes and maybe check out the books at the library, you wouldn't have the curriculum to go with it, but the reading would be put together for you, just a thought.

[*clementine*]

I'm glad you posted this because it helps me to hear that someone else is going through the exact same situation that I am.
I am utterly failing and beating myself up over it. I can't get ahead and can't stop feeling guilty. Everything that you said......pretty much covers it.
So you're not alone! And yea...I feel totally shitty for my kids and pledge to correct it everyday- and then don't get it done.

[1growingsprout]

HI mama... YOU CAN DO THIS... all kids learn at different speeds... what really helped my kids is frequent trips to the library... story time, book buddies etc... the library is a great FREE resource.

My kids are as follows
DS 6 and in 2-3rd grade, hoping to finish 3rd grade this summer
dd 4 doing kindy, and if all goes well she will do 1st grade this summer
dd 18 mos... working on colors, numbers and patterns
babies... pooping, eating, crying lol
#7 still in the oven and baking quite nicely

there are days we accomplish lots, there are weeks when nothing gets done. my older 2 have 'school books' but basically only use them for math... they both are excellent readers and plow through books at rapid speed. dd4 just recently took off on reading and can almost keep up with ds6. from reading they have aquired spelling. I totally skipped the whole phonics concept and they seem to be fine.

We also do lots and lots of field trips.. the zoo, the museums etc... lots of hands on learning

i am truly an unschooler and with my family thats what work best but i do try for a bit of 'table' time to go over some new stuff...

you can do this...

[heartmum]

Wow, thanks again for all the responses!

To the mom with triplets: when I feel I have a lot on my plate, I will remember you. Wow, your triplets are younger than my baby (he's almost 11 months) and you're expecting again!!! Congratulations! Amazing!!!

I like the idea of added one subject at the time, until it's a habit. Great tip!

[Jenlaana]

I use Switched on Schoolhouse, which a lot of parents dont seem to like, but my DS loves it. It is computer based and allows him to work almost completely independently of me, which he loves. (he gets all wierd if I'm standing over his shoulder too much) Its not unschooling, but I got my last copy fairly cheap used. Maybe you could find something on EBAY that is local to your area?

What about the library as well? If your child hasnt developed a love of reading yet, could it be that they havent read anything that clicked for them? My son hated reading with a passion until he read his first Harry Potter novel. Since then he has been a complete bookworm.

I hope you get past the stress, momma. Its definitely gotta be tough with so many little ones at the same time. I can barely do it w/ a toddler and a 12 yr old (though my 12 yr old has some issues so his behavior is probably that of a 7 yr old). *hugs*