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April IVF-ers! - Page 6

post #101 of 112
Leslie,
The pain of infertility is terrible. Many many hugs to you.

I had 4+ yrs of ttc. I have been through a lot along the way and have been blessed to reach the other side. I have been given the gift of knowing it all works out in the end. So at this time of your loss if it is all right you I will spend my thoughts of you at your goal. I see you walking with Bear with your little one sleeping cuddled at your breast. Mabye stopping in the same park to feed her. Meeting a friend and her little one at the cafe to have a relaxing hot drink.

May you find the guidance you need at this time to continue on your journey.
post #102 of 112
OH Leslie, I'm so so sorry hun! If I were there I would hug you right now. The news is just hurting my soul, and I'm sure yours as well. I will keep you in my prayers, and I hope that you get some news and more testing as well. If there are cell issues they CAN be fixed and you wouldn't even need an IUI then, the good ol fashion way would work then.
Please just know all of us are here for you and praying for you!!
post #103 of 112
Leslie,

I just read this whole thread and I am so incredibly sorry about the news. I have thought of you often and wondered how you were. Actually I have thought of all of you here because just when I thought the pain of infertility was over, I am experiencing a new kind of pain. (See sig.)

My infertility trails have been nothing like yours. I feel for you so much. I am so sorry that things haven't worked out the way they should have.

to all.
post #104 of 112
Thread Starter 
oh Megan, what happened? I know that isn't why you posted, but of course I (we?) want to know. Thank you so much for your kind words and thoughts. You and your sweet baby are in my prayers.

Thank you everybody for the very sweet and caring posts. Teneal, I'm so sorry we're in the same club.


We saw the doc on Friday and are now contemplating whether or not to do another cycle. This was our second, and the doc said that women in their late 30s generally take up to four cycles to get pregnant. I'd never heard this before. After four though, she said the odds really drop off. She thinks we're good candidates--we always have been. I asked about the immunological stuff and she said it was a hot hypothesis about five years back but none of the studies showed that the experimental treatment had any effect better than placebo.

But honestly, we're still grieving. This last one was really, really hard. Gotta give it some time.
post #105 of 112
I'll try to keep this short because I don't want to hijack the thread, but my daughter, Pippa, was born almost 2 weeks ago (April 16) by c-sec at 38 weeks 3 days. I had very low amniotic fluid and she had a weak heartbeat. She was born with undiagnosed IUGR and hypoxia. I say undiagnosed because at my OB appointment the week before she was born, one doc estimated her to be 8.5 pounds, but we were all shocked when she was born at 4 pounds 14 ounces. Her Apgars were 3, 5, and 7.

She aspirated meconium and had pulmonary hypertension. She was intubated until a few days ago. They thought she had a heart murmur, but the noise was because her heart was straining to get blood to her lungs, which were partially collapsed and had fluid in them. The collapse was just in the upper lobe of the right lung and was because of the meconium that was in there. To fix this, they started giving her nitric oxide in with her oxygen.

She had a seizure the morning after she was born. A CT scan showed blood on her brain and what they called "moderate brain damage." An MRI the next day showed that the blood was mostly in the fluid sacks in the brain and there were just "pinpoints" of damage in her brain tissue. We are just thinking positively that the blood will be absorbed or drained and that the brain will heal itself. So much of her brain is not yet developed and there is so much room for repair and growth.

She is now off all sedation, off the nitric oxide, and off IV fluids. She is wearing just a nasal cannula, and she is getting 25mL of breastmilk at every feeding through a tube in her nose. She has made incredible progress. I think the last thing she needs to do is learn how to nurse on me. I hope we can start doing that tomorrow.

There are pics here: http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v3...insMama/Pippa/ The first one is the most recent one, from today.

Leslie, you are still in my thoughts and I will continue hoping for the best for you -- and for all of you.
post #106 of 112
Oh, Megan. I am so sorry you are going through this.

My dd was born with severe meconium aspiration, and we spent two weeks in the NICU with her, so I do know what you are going through. Please feel free to pm me if you need an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on.

Leslie, it did take us three cycles to conceive dd, but only one for the twins. Go figure. If it were me, I would take a few months, take some time, and let yourself grieve before making a decision. I know whatever your decision is, though, all of us here will want to hear all about it, and we will all be 100% behind you. You are in my thoughts for peace and healing right now.
post #107 of 112
Thread Starter 
Dena, Megan, everybody, do you have *any* idea how much your posts mean to me? I mean seriously, you've consoled me in ways no one else can. Because we've been down the same road, shared the same grief. Thank you so much for taking this journey with me.

Megan, I'm going to pm you. Your situation is heartbreaking, and the photos are so, so precious. You and your family are in my prayers.

post #108 of 112
Oh Leslie....I checked in hoping to hear some good news- I am so sorry to hear things didn't turn out well for you. I know how much that hurts, and wish I could give you some big hugs. There is NOTHING like infertility. I think ivf is so extremely difficult ( not to minimize anyone else's pain who isn't going through ivf) because you are so scheduled to medicate, track follie development etc. and the whole process is one of hoping and waiting on a daily basis once the cycle begins. The whole crazy thing is so tough.
It helped me to take a little time off between cycles, and then try to get back in the right mindset, and I was glad to read that you are taking some time to recoup. I know there is nothing I can say to take away your pain and frustration, but I wish there was....
post #109 of 112
Hey Leslie, I just wanted to check in on you....

How are things, how are you feeling emotionally, in general??? I hope that you've taken a few days to heal and just take care of yourself. We decided to not do clomid and gonal-f this cycle too. No meds what so ever. I'll be doing IUI in June so I'll need all the meds. Our insurance does not cover the IUI or IVF but does cover the meds. So we're paying out of pocket for it, not too bad, around $500. But, It's our last shot, we're just going to be done if it does not work. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you....
Love~Teneal
post #110 of 112
s all around. Leslie, I'd love to hear from you, too.
post #111 of 112
Thread Starter 
hi all,

How lovely and touching to pop in and see these beautiful notes, Iberk, Teneal and Celeste. I didn't realize I was gone that long. It was hard to click on "Mothering" as I'm sure you can understand.

I've just been pulling myself together, trying to be "normal" and get through the piles of work that waited for me. And deal with old demons. As if this challenge wasn't enough in itself, it dredged up all kinds of personal issues. Like wishing I had a loving mother and an understanding/supportive family, wishing to be consoled but not knowing what it would feel like or how to take it in, feeling alone and hating it but not knowing how to reach out. You know. That stuff.

We're probably going to do one more cycle, in July. While I'm still 38 and we have insurance that will pay for it.

That said, I want to ask you to pray for my friend Ann. Last week she lost her pregnancy and a tube -- it was ectopic. This is two years after she lost her first at six months old. Andrew was born too early and his lungs never developed. My situation is devastating, yes, but hers is catastrophic. Please send her thoughts of love and peace, ok?

love,
leslie
post #112 of 112
Leslie, Your friend will be in my thoughts for sure.
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