Parents to kids who lack social skills (or have suggestions about teaching s.skills)

[Gendenwitha]

My ds is 10, and has trouble understanding humor, when statements are appropriate, how to talk to people (more interested in telling them what he wants to say than what they would be interested in hearing)...

Similar to my friend's son who has aspergers. Yet there are some stark differences, mainly, and most heart-breakingly, the fact that he WANTS to be a part of the group, wants to be social.

What do you do for your children to help them learn social skills?

[Gendenwitha]

So this is my plan:

He's on a baseball team again this year, which really helped his self-esteem last year.

I've suggested a couple of books I told him are written for adults but may interest him: Larry King's "How to Talk to Anyone, Anywhere, Anytime" and the classic, "How to Win Friends and Influence People".

I've got a bunch of family-friendly movies that give suggestions on back for discussion topics, I was thinking about watching one of them a week and discussing it with him, maybe making a playdate out of it and watching it with other kids.

If we do playdates, maybe it could evolve to role-playing.

Drama activities when I can find ones that are affordable.

If he were a little older, (or maybe now) I was thinking of joining toastmasters with him. He loves to talk, just doesn't really understand how to do it well. And listening is a skill he needs to work on.

This goes hand in hand with anger outbursts, for which Holly Bach flower remedy works really well, but could use other ideas.

Thoughts? Ideas?

[Lila]

I do believe there is a toastmasters junior.
I married a man with Asperger's syndrome. He didn't find out until he was an adult. He knew he was different. He knew he was being treated badly by other kids, and while he did not feel the way most kids do about it, it did affect him to the point that he was very depressed as a teenager. AS kids may not always realize they are being treated badly, but often they do, and some of them do care. Further, a temper issues are common with AS. You might consider visiting a neurologist just to be sure. Try checking in at the "special needs parenting" board to see if anyone has any ideas for you there.

[Gendenwitha]

Originally Posted by Lila

I do believe there is a toastmasters junior.
I married a man with Asperger's syndrome. He didn't find out until he was an adult. He knew he was different. He knew he was being treated badly by other kids, and while he did not feel the way most kids do about it, it did affect him to the point that he was very depressed as a teenager. AS kids may not always realize they are being treated badly, but often they do, and some of them do care. Further, a temper issues are common with AS. You might consider visiting a neurologist just to be sure. Try checking in at the "special needs parenting" board to see if anyone has any ideas for you there.

Thank you, that's really interesting. I know two kids with AS, one is hs so he doesn't have to deal with the school bs, but doesn't seem to take much interest in other people period. The other one is 18 and (aside from wanting a girlfriend) doesn't seem to have much interest in other people either. The older one has anger issues, but didn't know it was AS related. Sounds kinda like my dh too.

You said neurologist, is there an actual physical test for AS or is it like ADD where they have behavioral checklists and a vauge notion that it's something in the brain?

[Kayaking Mama]

You said neurologist, is there an actual physical test for AS or is it like ADD where they have behavioral checklists and a vauge notion that it's something in the brain?[/QUOTE]

I'm a speech-language pathologist and I work with mainly kids on the autism/asperger spectrum. There's no physical test, but a psychologist or developmental/behavioral pediatrician can diagnose using a checklist and reports from you/your child/teachers, etc.

You mentioned in the original post that your child differs from a friend's child with AS because he wants to be social--in my experience, many kids with AS want to fit in, and they just really don't understand why they don't or how to change to make fitting in easier. We do small group work with 3-4 kids with AS working on specific skills like the ones you mentioned--understanding humor, conversation (vs. monologue), appropriate vs. inappropriate comments, etc.

You may find interesting information if you google Michelle Garcia Winner. She does a lot of really great work in this area.

[Spanish Rose]

I've got a ds12 with Aspergers. His favorite habit is to lecture everyone about Halo or one of his other videogames. Social skills? What are those?

What do I do? Well, right now, nothing, because there a billion other things happening right now. I'll be watching for suggestions though. He repsonds well to discussions and books.

[julie128]

What good timing is this! I just learned about this organization to help my daughter. They teach kids (and adults) social skills. While it's a local org, they can refer you to similar orgs near you. This is Michelle Winner's org, which Kayaking Mama mentioned.

[annettemarie]

Since this is more of a parenting issue dealing with a specific issue than a tribe, which deals with more everyday chit chat, I am moving this to parenting issues.

[maya44]

Originally Posted by julie128

What good timing is this! I just learned about this organization to help my daughter. They teach kids (and adults) social skills. While it's a local org, they can refer you to similar orgs near you. This is Michelle Winner's org, which Kayaking Mama mentioned.

I second this or any good "social skills training". Some kids while not on the Autism spectrum, need to be taught social skills the same way they need to be taught geography. It is not going to happen for these kids the way it does for others, by "modeling" or "being involved in group activities". They need a treacher (therapist) and hopefully a classroom (social skills class).

[Brigianna]

If he likes to lecture and give speeches, he might enjoy drama, debate, or competitive speaking. Those things were very helpful to me as a kid, much more so than those "socialization classes" (I am ASC). You learn a lot about social interaction and subtle cues from drama and competitive speaking, but it's natural learning.

ETA: If you do decide to go for "social skills training" (which I would absolutely not recommend), get a teacher who is GD. Many are not.

[Lady Lilya]

Originally Posted by Gendenwitha

My ds is 10, and has trouble understanding humor, when statements are appropriate, how to talk to people (more interested in telling them what he wants to say than what they would be interested in hearing)...

Similar to my friend's son who has aspergers. Yet there are some stark differences, mainly, and most heart-breakingly, the fact that he WANTS to be a part of the group, wants to be social.

What do you do for your children to help them learn social skills?

I was like this at that age, but now I am fine. I don't think there was anything developmentally wrong with me, but just that my parents hadn't reacted to any of my inappropriate behavior in a way that signaled to me that I was being inappropriate. Or, if they had reacted like that, I was oblivious until a certain point.

I had a couple of uncomfortable situations when I realized that I had done something others found inappropriate, and I became more conscious of it. I probably turned off several people, but that is part of the learning process. So, I guess you could say that I learned by encountering the natural consequences of my actions.