Help us decide

[SmoothieChoco]

We have one 5 year old son and have no real desire right now to have anymore children. We have recently decided to wait at least 10 years before having our second child. Making our son at least 15 years old before his sibling comes along.

While we feel this is best for us (dp and myself), we feel it's not the best for our ds. So we feel torn between doing what we think is right for us right now, but what is probably best for ds -to give him a sibling sooner so he has a relationship with him/her during their childhood and more importantly during adulthood.

Has anyone else felt this way? What did you decide to do? We need some help as we can't decide which is best.

[STBSM]

Smoothie,
When Ex and I were married we both said if we were going to have another (2) it would be right away, they would grow up together and be able to be close and in the same stages or almost and I personally cant imagine having a child when my only one is almost an adult or close to it. I would by that point be comfortable with not having another. Just my own thoughts.

I say do what you feel in your heart is best for all involved, maybe reduce by 5 years and do it then.

[mirthfulmum]

Don't have another child just so that your older has a sibling. 2 is a lot more challenging than 1 and it does change the relationship you have with your oldest. You may regret it.

I think that people should add to their family because the parents want to. You are then one who is doing the caring, the raising, the nurturing. While siblings are wonderful, I've read many posts here by many women loving having just one, and from women who have grown up an only child perfectly happy and fulfilled.

My boys get a long great. They play together, read together, share together, laugh together, and genuinely love each other. They also squabble, bicker and argue. And both have yelled out that they hate the other one in the heat of the moment. I think if I'd had my youngest for my oldest then this would be even more difficult to deal with (and it already drives me up the wall when they've been at each other all morning just because that's what kind of day it is.)

Does your son want a sibling? Is he happy being a one and only? Then stick to the plan that feels right to you and your DH. It'll be most likely what works for your family.

[shayinme]

Well I'm 8 years older than my brother and while we didn't have much of a relationship as kids, now at 34 and 26 we get along well.

Closer to home my own kids are 13.5 years apart and I love it. My son is now 15 and dd is 20 mos, it works for me. In my case, ds is from first marriage however I have been with current dh for 12 years so we most certainly could have had a child sooner. I feel like I can give each of my kids the time they need without short-changing either of them, which is something I would be concerned about if I had kids close in age.

My ds absolutely adores his sister and she loves her brother, maybe they won't be best friends but I feel they will love each other and frankly even when kids are close in age there is guarantee they will like each other. One of my brst friend's has 5 siblings and they are all fairly close in age and she really does not connect with her siblings at all.

You need to do what's right for you and your family. I will admit to being biased but there is a lot of positives in having a baby and a teenager. It also makes it nice when you are connecting with your eldest, in my case ds & I will go see movies together or go to the mall while dd is home with dh. So I get a break when hanging out with the oldest.

Shay