Intrusive thoughts DURING pregnancy?

[callalillyanne]

Hi. I am about 5-6 weeks pregnant with my second. I had PPD with my first and didn't find out until she was 10 months old. I had terible intrutive thoughts and anxiety over something bad happenin to me. Every little ache was a terrible disease to me. I went on Lexapro for a year and weaned off this past fall. I just found out I was pregnant last week and since then I have been SUPER paranoid about something happing to the baby. I am so scared about all of the things that can cause birth defects, etc. I have these totally irrational thought. Like just now I was brushing my teeth and aq little bit of toothpaste went to the back of my throat and I thought, OMG, what if that is something bad? Even though I know it is just toothpaste and who hasn't swallowed a minute amount of toothpaste in their life, even while they were pregnant. LOL

Anyway, has anyone else felt this way during pregnancy? I definitely think this is hormone connected for me. Any advice to help me calm down and take things with more ease? Thanks

[papercranegirl]

yes. yes, yes. The best thing for me was a brief round of therapy. We didn't dig down and do all the messy work, I still need to do that sometime, but the therapist helped me step back and evaluate what was happening. Hopefully insurance will cover it. You may need a referral from your primary care physician first though.

[callalillyanne]

Oh thank you for your response! Man, I did not feel this paranoid during my first pregnancy, it is tough! I am really glad to know someone has been through something similar (although I certainly wouldn't wish this kind of anxiety on anyone!!!).

I have been suspecting I need to see someone. It does help a little just to know that this is my brain chemistry (and probably hormones) doing this to me, but sometimes the thoughts just come so fast and forcefully it is hard to be rational. It's always hard for me to initiate therapy, for whatever reason. My DH is supportive but to be honest I don't think he understands my anxiety issues.

Anyway, at least now I have a springboard to work off of. Thanks again!

[Sanveann]

Is it possible you have a touch of OCD? Intrusive thoughts and anxiety are both big markers for that. (I have OCD and have had problems with both.)

If you want to avoid meds, therapy can definitely be helpful. However, there are SSRIs that are safer than Lexapro that you can take while pregnant.

[Blancanieves]

Hi callalillyanne!

Have you read the threads about bioidentical Progesterone? Progesterone helps also in the pregnancy, and it neither harms you nor you baby.

I also felt very bad in my second pregnancy..now I know that bioidentical progesterone could have helped me..but my doctors did not know anything about progesterone..(I live in Germany) I suffered a lot..till my angel was born..

http://www.paternityangel.com/Articl.../Hormones2.htm
http://www.naprotechnology.com/progesterone.htm
http://www.naprotechnology.com/depression.htm
http://www.progesteronetherapy.com/p...e-therapy.html

Please go to a gynaecologist and ask for capsules with bioidentical or natural progesterone..that is the best you can do at the moment..a therapy by a good psychologist could also be helpful.

I wish you the best..

Blanca

[callalillyanne]

Yes, it is definitely possible that I have a touch of OCD. It is in my personality. Very perfectionalistic and strung tightly. LOL

Thank you for the information about the progesterone cream! I am going to ask my OB about it when I have my first prenantal appointment on the 10th.

Thanks ladies for all of your insights! I feel pretty firmly that hormones are definitely playing a role here. I am doing better than a couple of days ago, but still get the scary thoughts that I have to work to negate, and sometimes I do get carried away worrying in spite of myself

[maybemom05]

Just wanted to chime in and tell you that you're not alone!! I definitely had similiar worries while I was pregnant.

I second the vote for some therapy if it's an option for you. Being able to talk with a "neutral" 3rd party can be a huge help. It can be hard on husbands to deal with this kind of thing. While they love you, and want to help, they don't always really understand, plus they have their own anxieties about the pregnancy and the new baby.

One book that I found helpful in terms of coping with anxiety was, "the feeling good handbook". I forget who wrote it, but if you look on amazon you'll find it. It's available in paperback, it's a bright yellow book. Anyway, it deals with cognitive behavior therapy, and has some good insights on handling intrusive thoughts, and putting them in perspective. (Without making you feel like you're just nuts which I definitely needed )

Congratulations on your pregnancy!!

[callalillyanne]

Thank you Maybemom! Ugh, this has been so hard for me. Therapy is still an option. I think I will mention it to my husband and try to get in and see someone if this gets any worse.

Thank you so much for the book recommendation! I was actually on Amazon the other night looking for something similar, but didn't know what to choose. I will definitely pick that one up.

This is definitely draining on me. I just had to open the dishwasher and too a breath in through my mouth and smelled the little bit of dishawashing detergent and was like, OMG, what if it's going to harm the baby? I mean, seriously, not a fun feeling! The only thing I can tell myself is that women live in similar conditions as me everyday and have normal, healthy babies....and then tell my brain to SHUT UP! LOL

[Blancanieves]

Hi callalillyanne!

The progesterone Creme is ok, but capsules are better .. you can use them vaginally, ask your doctor for them..I think these come from USA.

http://www.solvaypharmaceuticals-us....948-2-0,00.htm

Bye, Blanca

[maybemom05]

You're welcome! I hope the book is helpful to you - I still refer to it from time to time.

As for the dishwasher, well, I have no medical training whatsoever, but I'm sure it's fine. If it helps, try switching to Seventh Generation dishwasher detergent. It's chlorine and phosphorus free, so it might make you a bit less anxious.

(I don't mean to make light of your struggle here, I realize that your anxiety isn't really about the dishwasher, but when I was working through my anxiety issues, sometimes I found that if I focused on something I could control - like the soap - it helped me not obsess about things I couldn't - like my pregnancy, work, etc.)


Let us know how you're doing. And hang in there!!

[callalillyanne]

Thank you Blanca and Maybemom! I ordered the book from Amazon and it should be here this week. I also made an appointment to talk to a psychologist. Hopefully between those two and my doctor I can get a hold of this better so I am not so consumed. Maybemom, you understand my situation totally- that is exactly it, I am trying to focus so hard on all of these things I can control, and what I really can't control is my pregnancy. It is really hard. I have been trying to wash my hands less, etc., and tell myself it is going to be all right. I worry about EVERYTHING. I even switched to a non-antibacterial hand soap cause I got worried about that.

I wish I was closer to my mom- they are 3000 miles away on the west coast. She is always so helpful in times like this. I think part of my problem is that I am home alone all day and left to focus on my fears....

[maybemom05]

I've so been there!! I even know the "missing Mom" feelings!! From you post it sounds like you're doing all the right things - you've got appointments lined up, you're going to investigate the right meds, you're gathering resources, etc. I know how rough this can be, but you are on the right track, and you're going to get through it!!

A few other things that helped for me that you might want to try:
1) schedule your worrying. I used to get 30 mins a day - 15 in the morning and 15 in the evening. Any time I had a worrying thought, I would write it down, and then I could dwell on it at the appointed time. Often just the act of writing things down helped.
2) exercise. It's a natural mood lifter, and it's good for the baby too! Can you pack your little one in the stroller and go for a long walk? Or walk in the local mall if the weather isn't so great?

[callalillyanne]

Thank you for your reply Yes, I have even thought about going to go see my parents for a couple of weeks with my daughter- is that crazy??? I know it would probably be relaxing but at the same time I don't want to alienate my poor DH. He is obviously having trouble understanding what is going on with me. He is supportive, he just doesn't know what to do to help and gets frustrated.

Thank you for the additional tips. I have actually been writing things down for a designated worry time later on today. I think it has been helping already to just get some things down on paper.
I know I need to get out and walk or something too. That has been a tough one. The funny part is that I was working out all the time before I found out I was pregnant. Since then I've just been feeling so nauseous/anxious that I have had no desire to go. It does help to get out of the house, though. I am going to try to get out to the mall or something today since it is raining here.

I'm hoping it will feel good to just get some things off my chest when I talk to the therapist tomorrow....I get so frustrated here during the day I feel like screaming! :

[maybemom05]

I'm glad the writing things down seems to be helping. i still do it from time to time when things are crazy here.

Good luck with your appointment today - I hope it goes well!!

[callalillyanne]

Thanks! I must have written down about a dozen things throughout the course of the day yesterday! It was still a tough day but it did allow me to let go of the disturbing thoughts a little easier. By the end of the day I didn't even feel like I needed my worry session! LOL Maybe that is the wrong way to do it, but it seemed to work out. The problem for me is that the only time of day I feel halfway decent in in the evenings. But I'm working on it!

I can't wait for my appointment today- I hope it is helpful! I will report back here afterward.

On a side note, has anyone know anything about light therapy for depression during pregnancy? I came across a study done with pregnant mothers who were depressed who used light therapy to effectively alleviate their symptoms. I think I am going to ask the therapist about it today.

[lilysmama1124]

Originally Posted by papercranegirl

yes. yes, yes. The best thing for me was a brief round of therapy. We didn't dig down and do all the messy work, I still need to do that sometime, but the therapist helped me step back and evaluate what was happening. Hopefully insurance will cover it. You may need a referral from your primary care physician first though.

: My therapist actually hdd me do EMDR therapy which is usually used to deal with past trauma and it really helped. I thought I might end up hospitalize my anxiety was so bad during my pregnancy-my poor family. I was constantly asking them if they thought my baby was okay...I still do that now that she is born sometimes! I don't know what I would have done with out my therapist. She also helped me acknowledge that some of it was a deep belief that I was not capable of caring for a child and a fundamental belief that world is not a safe place-she really helped me start to work through that and get to a place of hope.

[callalillyanne]

Thank you for sharing that Lilysmama I do that too- I always ask my mom if the baby is okay. So I went to my appointment yesterday. It was pretty good. The therapist told me to exercise "thought stopping" whenever I am having intrustive thoughts. She said if there is no evidence for the thought/fear coming true, then I need to throw it away, get rid of it and replace it with something positive. So far it has been helping a lot. She told me to get back into my routines and try to get out and exercise (which I already knew I needed to do, just needed a push).

The only problem this morning is that I just feel like crying Gosh I feel like some kind of hormone possessed alien or something : I don't even really know WHY I'm crying. LOL Someone TELL me this gets better. This is such a change from my first pregnancy- my emotions are much more extreme.

[Blancanieves]

Hi callalillyanne!

The same happened to me! I cried and did not know why..I felt soooo sad..

Please do not forget to get the progesterone capsules! I am sure, they will help you..May be your body is producing enough progesterone for your baby, but you are not getting enough of it..

Bye, Blanca

[maybemom05]

I'm so glad your appointment was helpful! It's great that it went well, and that you think that some of her suggestions are going to work for a bit.

FWIW, I think it makes a bit of sense that your emotions are more extreme this time around - this time, you know what you're in for. You know how strongly you're going to love this child, you know what labor and delivery can be like, you know how tired and how elated you can feel at the same time.... it's still a big change, but the anticipation is somehow differently charged this time. (plus of course, you have DH and DC who take up a good bit of emotional energy too.)

But if it helps, I'll tell you - it WILL get better! You are taking many positive steps to make yourself feel better - which should make you feel proud - it takes a lot of strength to do what you're doing!!