Why can't I make up my mind? (Having more children)

[mamaley]

It's not like I have to decide today, or even this year, but I have 2 wonderful children and we think about having another baby. My husband wants to, but he wouldn't be crushed if I decided not to. To be honest, I've never actually planned to be pregnant before since both of my children were surprises, so maybe that's part of why this is a challenge?

The thought of being pregnant again, and going through the first couple of years again scares me a little. But I've been there, done that twice and being finished with it sounds kind of nice. On the other hand, there's something about the idea of having another that makes it seem like such a good idea.

Just felt like talking to other mamas who have btdt, or who are in the same place.

[snuggly mama]

We have three children, and for lots of reasons, are not having a fourth. But I don't ever feel like I'm done having kids. If the situation were different, I know I would really be lobbying hard for baby#4.

It can be hard to apply logic to something that is so fundamentally emotional.

[artgirl]

I've been there, and now I'm expecting my third.
All logic said that two was a good number... but something in me wouldn't let the idea of a third go.
I'm a little older so finally I told myself that we would try until my 36th birthday (which gave us 4 months) and if nothing happened I'd give it up. HA! I was pregnant by the second month. (It took 6 months of trying to conceive #2). I figure life has a way of working out the way it's supposed to and... it did.
I'm thrilled to be having a third. This will be our last.

I think I like the idea of a bigger family... that one small step into chaos. Two seems pretty managable... three seems a little kooky and I like that. I'm sure mamas of more think three is a piece of cake but for me, it's a small step into the wild side.

[newmainer]

artgirl, our dc's are about the same years apart, girl and boy.

i wish my dh was into having a 3rd, but he is really not, for many reasons. i suppose there is a slight chance that in 2 years when our ds is 3 and older, he might reconsider.

but then i'm in the same headspace that thinks 2 seems so logical and easy and all that... and yet i swear, i obsess almost daily about having a 3rd. i can't let it go, despite the fact that my partner is not into it. it's completely sadistic

[zannster]

I'm kind of on the fence too - about having a second. It would be very tiring and a lot of work to have another baby. I feel like I'm finally through that - do I want to go through it again?? But there are things about having two that sound nice...

[GranoLLLy-girl]

[QUOTE=newmainer;7707407

i wish my dh was into having a 3rd, but he is really not, for many reasons. i suppose there is a slight chance that in 2 years when our ds is 3 and older, he might reconsider.

but then i'm in the same headspace that thinks 2 seems so logical and easy and all that... and yet i swear, i obsess almost daily about having a 3rd. i can't let it go, despite the fact that my partner is not into it. it's completely sadistic [/QUOTE]

This was me...but I had two miserable c-sections and NOT by choice.
In a moment of weakness I said to my DH, maybe it is best to stop at two. The next day he scheduled an appointment to have his plumbing fixed, and then did so.
Less than six months later, I regret it--but at 40+ and just now getting over the trauma of the c-sections (one of which literally almost killed me, long story), I will be able to eventually come to terms with not having a third child.
If I had to do it again, I would have had three and would have sought counseling hard core to deal with the feelings of trauma after having experienced 2 emergency c-sections (first one failed induction, second one failed vbac).
But I am in a better space now as my kids are getting closer to school-aged.

[oceanbaby]

I am in the same place, or at least I was. Last week there were a few days when my period was late, and I realized that it was possible I was pregnant. I was completely freaked out. I did NOT want to be pregnant. Once my period arrived, I was kind of sad. Not only that my period had arrived, but that I was so relieved, if that makes any sense. It's like it was the answer to what I had been asking: "Do I want another baby?" I was hoping the answer to that would be yes, because in my heart I really want one more.

But we are just getting to the point of being able to travel, have some freedom, get some sleep, get in shape, etc. The idea of starting all over again is overwhelming. The idea of being pregnant while raising two young children is overwhelming - it was hard enough the second time. The idea of daily life with three young children is overwhelming. And it doesn't help that we are already pushing the limit on our small 2 bedroom house, and due to the insanely high cost of living here, we can't figure out how to afford a bigger house. And, I tend to have a very difficult time post partum. (Although I didn't realize I had thyroid issues until ds2 was 6 months old, so a part of me thinks it would be nice to experience having a new baby while NOT dealing with a thyroid crash.) I'm alone a lot during the day with the kids. My mom is about the only one we have to help us, but not only does she work a lot, but she's getting older. She is doing okay taking care of 2 kids now and then, but 3?

We are not 100% on this yet, but are definitely leaning in the direction of being done. I am excited and sad about that at the same time.

[EllasMummy]

I know exactly what you mean. I have 2 beautiful children and DH is very happy with just 2. I had difficult pregnancies both times and have been suffering badly with PPD since DS was born 15 months ago, but I can't stop thinking that we are meant to have another child.

I really feel that there is a little soul out there waiting for the time to be right to join our family.

[bobica]

we have one dd & i change my mind weekly about having another child. i had a not so great pregnancy & a nightmare delivery. i have a short temper (that i'm working on a LOT ) & little patience. i work per-diem so when i work i get paid, when i don't,.....

also, my hormones are a mess & i'm peri-menopausal, brought on by my pregnancy with dd. my periods are still regular but i have all the other symptoms (yikes!).

we don't feel like someone is missing so much but we both keep thinking that if we don't at least give it a try (ttc, that is) then we'd regret it. : who knows? my OB said that deliveries like mine (vacuum) are often associated with ambivalence toward having more kids. um, ya!

[sweetest]

This thread is sooooo timely for me. Dh is getting the big V on Friday He is DONE. And then my period is late this week and Im thinking its meant to be, but the test I took a few hours ago was negative.

We figure we are finished with bio children, but we are keeping our options open about adopting in the next few years. We are so happy with our little (one child) family right now, but I still feel a tug inside that we have so much to give and would welcome another soul into our lives. I have a feeling that soul will not come into this world through my body.

I am just getting started in a job field that took me a LONG time to get into and I have a job I absolutely love. There are so many things to consider. One of my co-workers is about 5 months and I envy what she is about to become part of, the sweetest of a newborn, the nursing relationship. ((( sigh)))) But I had dd when I was a student and I was able to stay at home with her most of the time for two years. Now things are so different for us, I would only get a few months of leave < insert all of dh's arguments : >