here's my BTDT story (prolly short, as i'm typing one-handed, baby in other arm).
dh & i have been married 8 yrs, together for 12 yrs. he knows i'm bi and was a huge part of helping me sort out my feelings before we got married, as i was really scared about what the feelings might mean (i.e. was i really a lesbian in denial? was getting married to a man a huge mistake?) he was endlessly supportive and loving and i realized i was not actually a lesbian, but truly bi (altho i do feel more attracted to women than men in general...i also knew in my heart that i loved dh and was attracted to him, so i just accepted that fact.)
about 6 years ago, i got to talking with a woman i'd been close friends with for over 5 years. i knew she was bi too. long story short, we realized an attraction to each other and asked our dh's how they would feel about her and i making love to each other (no involvement of the dh's in said sexual encounter was wanted by any of us). both men were really supportive so she and i had a date in san francisco one night. fancy dinner with (quite a bit of)wine
and then we spent the night in a hotel downtown and made love. we went out walking in SF holding hands, and got lots of knowing, sweet, supportive looks from other gay couples (and straight one's, too... it's SF after all
) after that, we had sex i think on 3 or 4 other occassions (including one wonderful weekend away together at a hot springs).
although we talked about continuing to have sex with each other about once every year (always with full knowledge and consent from our dh's), we haven't been together sexually since i was about 8 mos. pregnant with dd, which was back in sept. 2000. now i have 2 kids and she has 1. perhaps we will get together again one day, but for now, our lives as mamas just take precedent (dh and i rarely have time/energy for sex these days
there was little "fall-out" from having a friend become a sexual partner, prolly because we were unfailingly honest with each other and our dh's. and our #1 groundrule was that if our sexual relationship got in the way of or harmed our marriages IN ANY WAY we would never do it again. we both had the understanding that our marriages are our "primary" relationships and neither of us wanted to jeoprodize that. there was a time right after our first date that i got to feeling fed up with dh for whatever reason (just normal long term relationship stuff) & started to convince myself i was in love with her. but again, i talked it out with her and with dh and those feelings passed (actually, she and i would never work out as a couple for many reasons).
so that's wher i'm at. all in all, i'm really glad for the experience. i love my dh tremendously and we have a good solid relationship a beautiful love and a great friendship.
and he is a wonderful father.so thats something i would never want to lose. he okayed sex with this one friend, but in general, i don't think he's okay with me going outside of our relationship regularly or with a number of different women, and honestly, i am totally against him going outside our relationship at all (and he's completyely not interesyed in doing that either).
so now i've typed a book. sorry! and all one-handed, too