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What made you become an intactivist?

post #1 of 51
Thread Starter 
When did it hit home that circing is wrong? Was it a post on a DDC? Did you read a book or an article? Perhaps if we share our experiences, we may learn how to gently educate others. I'll share mine:

I was born and raised in the US so I always assumed circing was just what we did here. I never really thought about it. When I was 17 I took classes to become a CNA (nurse aide) and witnessed infant circing first hand at a large inner city hospital during an internship rotation. It certainly made an impression that something was just not right with the whole situation. I really didn't give it much thought again though until I was heavily immersed in the *consented* body modification scene and also had an intact lover at the same time. It drove home the message that bodies belong to their owners and normal penises are a VERRRRY beautiful thing. I often had to fight for my rights to modify MY body how I deemed fit. Maybe that wont make sense to some people but it made me realize that there was no way in heck I would have my daughter's ears pierced or tattoo my son so why on earth would I consent for my son to be modified against his will?

Sorry for the novel.
post #2 of 51
Reading in baby books (crappy ones at that) that is was optional made me think I wouldn't do it w/ I was preg w/ my first (my dd, she was born in '97). Plus my nephew was intact eventhough all my sister ever said to me was "that I should look into it". Then we got the internet in I believe 2000 and I started reading about it, I was going to college at the time and wrote a paper on it. After reading about circ I went from thinking it was best not to circ to knowing it was horrible and completely wrong. Then in 2001 I had my first son and I became even more against it after seeing how perfect he was and first hand knowing what it would be like if his foreskin that was so tightly fused (as it should be) was ripped from his glans, just imagining it makes my soul hurt . It was definitely the "more you know the worst it gets" for me.
post #3 of 51
Like the OP, I first witnessed RIC as a CNA. I really had no idea what I-or, that baby-were in for. I didn't know much about circumcision and I assumed there must be a good reason for it if it was done so frequently. I didn't know *anything* about the anatomy of a normal penis or the functions of the foreskin. To say witnessing one with my own eyes was enlightening is an understatement, but really becoming informed about the issue took more research and soul-searching.

I became an intactivist when I stopped viewing it as an acceptable parental choice, when I started feeling resentful of the parents who chose it, when parents wanted to videotape the procedure or lightheartedly take 'before and after' photos for the baby book, and when a set of parents asked me whether or not they should retract and clean beneath their newborn's foreskin before he was circumcised the following day and were surprised and confused to learn the foreskin was fused to the glans and asked me, after they'd already signed the consent forms, "Well, then, how do they circumcise him?". It was blatantly clear that informed choice in the hospital was non-existant.

You know that bumpersticker, "If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention?" I started paying attention. It wasn't long before I felt a sense of obligation to share what I'd learned with others, to become part of the movement to protect male and female children equally.

Jen
post #4 of 51
When I started researching during my pregnancy with DS. I saw a circ video and knew then it was horribly wrong.
post #5 of 51
Lack of knowledge.

People know about most human rights issues but baby boys are not protected at all.
Circumcision is a direct violation of human rights. While I think that every baby should be breastfed and that every baby deserves a drug free birth both of those things involve the mother and her needs and feelings. However, circumcision should not be anyone else's decision and I do not think parents have a right to do that surgery on a child.
post #6 of 51
When I fell in love with an American man, who clearly didn't have all the penis he was supposed to have.

Then he told me just about all men over there were missing part of their penises.

I did some research to find out how they did it and why. Horrified wasn't the word to describe how I felt - I couldn't and still can't believe that someone would do that to a beautiful little baby, it's sick and barbaric, for the most stupid and shallow of reasons too.

The more I learn about this appalling cultural habit, the less I understand how a supposedly "civilised" nation could inflict this on their children.
post #7 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisyuk View Post
When I fell in love with an American man, who clearly didn't have all the penis he was supposed to have.

Then he told me just about all men over there were missing part of their penises.

I did some research to find out how they did it and why. Horrified wasn't the word to describe how I felt - I couldn't and still can't believe that someone would do that to a beautiful little baby, it's sick and barbaric, for the most stupid and shallow of reasons too.

The more I learn about this appalling cultural habit, the less I understand how a supposedly "civilised" nation could inflict this on their children.
It makes my stomach turn when I think about how the world views us. What hypocrites we are to criticize other cultures for mutilating little girls when we do the same thing to our boys! I want it ALL to just STOP...NOW!!!
I became an intactivist when preg. with Dd#1. My mother told me, when I asked her, that if she knew she would not have had my brother cut, and were I a boy I'd have been intact. I had an Italian anatomically correct boy doll growing up that was intact. Dh looked odd to me when we married (he's my only) and I started to think about it and read about it. I think I've always been an intactivist.
post #8 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lila View Post
It I want it ALL to just STOP...NOW!!!
Me too!!!!

P.S. your family is beautiful. That picture of your baby George made me giggle, so so cute!!!
post #9 of 51
An acquaintance of mine told me that circ'ing her son was the greatest regret of her life. That really influenced me. So let that be a lesson---never be afraid to speak out.
post #10 of 51
Before I got pregnant I did not know much about the subject...except "everyone" was circed...little did I know. Well when I got pregnant DH told me that he did not want our son to be circed (he somehow knew we were having a boy the entire time). I was against it at first, but I started to do research to back up why I wanted my little boy circed...could not find much that really justified my decision...but found a lot on why not too. I also watched a video that brought me to tears. So now I have a beautiful intact little boy and could not be happier with the decision we made. So there...I am an intactivist and proud of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
post #11 of 51
I remember being 6 years old when my newborn brother came home from the hospital with what appeared to be a bloody stump. I asked my parents what was wrong, and got the basics. The way it was explained to me was that it was just necessary (like it would just rot and fall off if not done), but I was still horrified.
I think I've been skeptical of modern medicine my whole life. Long story.

Anyway, in my late teens I had an older friend who had a boy and left him intact. Talking to her, and my husband (boyfriend at the time) talking to her DH convinced us not to do it. But honestly, I was an easy sell. My brother's "bloody stump" memory has always stuck with me. *shudder*

But I still didn't really totally "get it" till I saw a video of one, after ds was born. That was what threw me all the way over the edge.
Along with learning that basically no one in Europe, or most of the rest of the world for that matter, does this.

I think knowing that some countries have banned it as a human rights violation would have had an effect on me, too, had I known sooner.
post #12 of 51
Honestly, at first, I didn't really know much about it. I just figured that it was unnecesary pain that I would not put my son through. I had to research it and see a video in order to convince dh, and that made it even worse, but I really was not against it, completely, until I lived with my boys for a while. After seeing how wonderfully whole and natural they are, I wonder how anyone could choose to cut them. Also, in coming here to MDC, and learning how much is taken from them long-term when they are circumcised, I have become even more convinced that it is something that should not even exist. I think it was said best in somebody's siggy - the more you know, the worse it is. That seems to be my experience with circumcision.
post #13 of 51
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisyuk View Post
When I fell in love with an American man, who clearly didn't have all the penis he was supposed to have.

Then he told me just about all men over there were missing part of their penises.

I did some research to find out how they did it and why. Horrified wasn't the word to describe how I felt - I couldn't and still can't believe that someone would do that to a beautiful little baby, it's sick and barbaric, for the most stupid and shallow of reasons too.

The more I learn about this appalling cultural habit, the less I understand how a supposedly "civilised" nation could inflict this on their children.

I've often wondered how men and women from other countries feel about Americans and RIC. I'd imagine it must be very insulting and upsetting to always read/hear about how "dirty" intact penises are.
post #14 of 51
I kind of "forgot" that US men are circumcised, since I never saw one who wasn't. It wasn't on my radar screen until my friend didn't circ her son and told me to look into it. She said it wasn't medically recommended and that rates had been dropping for decades. I had just discovered I was pregnant with a boy and knew within about 1 minute of looking into it (internet research - really just "the facts" and not even extremely hardcore mutilation-type websites or videos) that we wouldn't be doing it. I told DH I didn't want it done and asked if he could give me a good reason to do it, but he surprised me by saying he also didn't want it done. It was as simple as that.
post #15 of 51
Once I started dating dh there was never a question in my mind that any sons I had would NOT be circumcised (since dh isn't and he has never had any problems), but I didn't realise what circumcision really entailed or what the difference was between circumcised and intact until I found MDC by searching for information on Elimination Communication. I read a lot on the EC board (and was totally sold on the concept! still am!) and then checked out the rest of MDC and started reading CAC.

I was appalled at what I learned! My two brothers were circumcised (I was born and raised in the US), but both my ex-boyfriend and dh were intact (they were both born and raised in the US as well...) so I haven't ever seen a circumcised adult penis in person.

I pretty much became an instant intactivist. I didn't have any circumcised sons to feel guilty about, or a circumcised husband whose feelings I had to be careful of... So there was nothing at all holding me back. I know that my mom just didn't know there was any other option when my brothers were born and she is totally supportive of us leaving her grandsons intact. I'm the oldest in my family by a LOT (I have an almost 19 year old brother - who doesn't even know girls exist yet, a 14 year old sister - who has no interest in dating, and a 12 year old brother - who thinks girls have cooties) so I have plenty of time to have a son or two and show my siblings that the foreskin is not something to be afraid of before they have children of their own And of course the cousins should "match" right?

love and peace.
post #16 of 51
when i was pregnant with Pman, i started doing research...had made the decision to not circ...then i saw an episode of Queer As Folk, where Brian walks in on the bris that is being done to his bioson...his statements to the les parents sealed the deal for me...

basically it was "we as glbt have to fight every day to be accepted for who we are...and you are telling me that an 8 day old baby is not perfect how he was born? you are already deciding that he is not perfect and trying to change him...how is this ok?"

it just made so much sense to me...my babies are born perfect...theres no reason to change them...

peace...
post #17 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lauren82 View Post
I'd imagine it must be very insulting and upsetting to always read/hear about how "dirty" intact penises are.
Actually no, it doesn't even cross my mind, because I know that the people saying those things haven't got a clue what they're talking about. I've been around and enjoyed intact penises all my life, there's nothing dirty about a man who bathes regularly, the dirt is in their imagination.

To me, all they are doing is displaying ignorance.
post #18 of 51
i was being my stubborn self...said i wanna think about it when it was messed up at the hospital(paperwork) (the doctor scared me she was so cold) then we looked into prices...i said that is alotta money for a "snip" happened upon a video of one...this website...and yelled "no freaking way" are we doing that...all learned in a few weeks that i didn't have to do alotta things to my ds i didn't like...circ/vax/cio etc...who says being stubborn is a bad thing? it kept my son intact lol...now off to educate other friends who are preggers!
post #19 of 51
i guess i became an intactivist when i was pregnant and faced with making such a decision. wait, actually i guess it really began years before when friends were choosing to cut their sons and i remember immediately saying, "why?!!!!" i knew back then that it seemed violent and unnecessary.
post #20 of 51
After I was married I used to say I would let my dh decide (b/c he had a penis), this is what my sister did and at the time it made sense to me. Thankfully my nephews are intact, btw.

When I was pg I had seen some debates online and it became clear to me that circ. was not desirable. Also my dh is intact and would leave me rather than allow one of his ds's to be circ'd. So we were both onboard with leaving our sons as nature intended them to be. As each of my sons has been born I've become quite passionate about intactivism, and esp. since visiting this forum. I knew circ. was wrong, but to be honest I really didn't realize just how much is stolen from baby boys when they are circ'd, and I didn't know how many complications there could be either. Also working in medical malpractice has been enlightening in terms of seeing complications including death from cosmetic circs.

I shudder now when I think of circ. and it hurts my heart to think how it still goes on.
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