What made you become an intactivist? - Page 3

[baybee]

Thanks for all you do, Microsoap, and thanks for sharing your story. Whoever started this thread--BRILLIANT! I've so enjoyed reading these
posts. Maybe this thread should be a sticky, too??

[jesrox]

My best friend had a baby(my godson) over two years ago, and she chose to have him circ'd...just the way that the penis looked in the diaper, all bloody made me sad. Then, when I found out I was having a boy I was worried about convincing DP, but after seeing pictures online and in a baby class he agreed with me not to get it done...my parents actually are really supportive and told me that I would have been intact if I was a boy

[quarteralien]

I admit I haven't read the whole thread, but I thought it was a great idea and wanted to throw my story in too.
DH's best friend is very outspokenly intact. He strongly encouraged us to forego circ. That got the ball rolling, but we decided that we couldn't see a compelling reason for or against circ, and so we left DS intact, figuring you can take it away later, but you can't put it back. I know I know, I should have had a more solid reason, because boy, did I get flack from my family. I hated sounding so wishywashy to them. Then, when DS was about a year and a half, I had a conversation with some friends, all of whom were procirc. I still didn't feel strongly about it, so I wasn't able to defend myself very well. But I thought a lot about their reasons and came to the conclusion that they were beyond asinine, and I'd better do some research. Well, whoever said the more you know the worse it gets sure knew what they were talking about. After about an hour of internet searches, I was totally intactivist. Then I found my way here, and it's been so lovely to know I'm not alone!

[Nodtveidt]

Pardon the pun, but it was not hard for me. I'm one who always wants the straight dirt, never satisfied with the pundit half-baked responses I get from anyone, and the more media-entrenched, the less trustworthy. I was cut as a baby as well. Anyways, although I've known it to be the norm in the USA, I never really gave it much thought until DW and I found out that we would be having a child. Her and I are both very avid information-seekers, and one of the things I found while researching all things children is the debate over circ. Well, it didn't take long to bring me into the anti-circ camp for two reasons: one, the absolute lack of medical necessity, and two, since I am rather anti-religion, circ on basis of religious principle made it automatically bad for me. I have had some knock-down drag-out forum fights over the religious basis for circ and have, somehow, never lost.

[Bm31]

Even though I had a botched circ and a botched re-circ, I really didn't start to pull my head out of my a$$ on this issue until I was about 34 and got hooked into the internet where I could do some research without any embarrassment. Up until that point I suppose something in the back of my mind never seemd right about circ (why does a baby's penis NEED an operation at birth???!!!), but I bought into the socio-cultural brainwashing that it was a necessary, must-do thing. I just figured I must've had defective genitals or that my penis just didn't respond properly to the circ....there must've been something wrong with ME.

I actually thought I had a "foreskin problem" when I was young. I thought the constant, painful tampering with my penis and bleeding and infections were what happens when you DON'T circ. After doing some research and piecing together my recollections, I confronted my mother (when I was 35,lol) and she confirmed what I had put together: Loose circ = adhesions = painful reseparations = constant infections = a tight re-circ from he!!. She claimed she didn't know it had caused me problems, but it must've been blatantly obvious that it wasn't right. My nomal penis that hung out over my testicles became nothing but an acorn-style glans poking out.

And I guess it was somewhat my fault as well. I remember once when I was 11 or so and while I was bathing at my grandmother's house she had gathered up my clothes to wash them and noticed blood in my underwear. My erections could be so terribly painful and still split the skin open in places up until my early teens. My mother came over and they both pled with me to let them see, but I adamantly refused. I didn't want them to see my shame and I wasn't about to have them take me to a doctor to mess with my penis again.

Beyond that, it never dawned on me why I always hated my penis. Why I didn't even know I could masturbate until I was 16 (which I came to find out was on the late side, lol), because I got so little pleasure out of it. Why I had to regularly pluck hairs off the shaft (which was only visible during erections) before I was out of HS. Why I had sex once at 17 and never thought it was worth bothering again. Why I actively avoided relationships or sabotoged them before they could get intimate. Why, why, why....

But information is power, and it all started to make sense to me. There wasn't anything wrong with me. For all their supposed good intentions, they wrecked my penis. And it was all for a bunch of nonsense! :

Still, it wasn't until about two years after this revelation that I became an outgoing intactivist. My sister I was closest to and who I first told my story to and had encouraged me to confront our mother had my nephew. She STILL rolled the dice and had him cut. She might as well have stabbed me in the heart. I guess I always thought if what I had been through would make a difference for anyone it would be for any nephew(s) she might have. We didn't speak for two years and only started then when my niece was born with a severe heart defect. Our relationship will never be the same, but I will never have kids of my own and I do love my niece and nephew and want to be a part their life. It's still very hard for me to see or speak to her (I don't blame her dh at all, he would've went along with whatever she wanted) without thinking of the awful thing she did.

Sorry for babbling, but I guess that's what I like about this forum...being around so many wonderful parents who are willing to look past social convention for the sake of their children. You're all the best!

[Lauren82]

Originally Posted by Bm31

Sorry for babbling, but I guess that's what I like about this forum...being around so many wonderful parents who are willing to look past social convention for the sake of their children. You're all the best!

I agree. This forum is a great place! I love reading everyone's responses. It is refreshing to see such a significant number of like minded intact friendly people.

[Jasmyn's Mum]

I was 12. My baby brother got circed and I saw how utterly raw and sore and in pain he was

[frenchie]

For me, it was becoming a mom to a precious little boy. Before I ever got married, I knew I didn't ever want to circ if I had a son. I had mentioned it to my husband before we ever got married, and he was adamantly opposed to leaving a boy intact. Looking back, I never would've married a guy like that, with what I know now. At any rate, I blew off his opposing opinion, and said it was a moot point since we weren't even married. Well...we got married, and never discussed it until we decided to start having children. The arguements were SOOOOO heated...but I eventually won him over. In the midst of all my research, I realized just how strong my feelings were about genital integrity, and being here has only made that conviction stronger.

[eepster]

Originally Posted by Bm31

And I guess it was somewhat my fault as well. I remember once when I was 11 or so and while I was bathing at my grandmother's house she had gathered up my clothes to wash them and noticed blood in my underwear. My erections could be so terribly painful and still split the skin open in places up until my early teens. My mother came over and they both pled with me to let them see, but I adamantly refused. I didn't want them to see my shame and I wasn't about to have them take me to a doctor to mess with my penis again.

(bold mine)

How is this your fault? Having erections is just a normal part of being a boy. It isn't your fault that they caised bleeding and being scared that let your parents know you were having problems might lead to worse was reasonable. You are in no way at fault for any of this.

[glongley]

Prelude to becoming an intactivist: I didn't circumcise my two sons, born in the 80s. I had seen circumcisions in nursing school and knew it was barbaric, plus I was very natural-oriented, so I never even considered it. Also taught Bradley classes in the 80s, and read enough then (Anne Briggs's book, Mothering, NOCIRC materials - no Internet then) to teach other people that it didn't need to be done. After I stopped teaching, though, I basically forgot most of what I knew and just went on with life.

Anyway, my boys grew up fine, and I really didn't think too much more about it till I went back to work in a hospital nursery 7 years ago. While I was against circumcision and was unwilling to assist in them, I still hadn't gotten completely clear on the ethics, and I really didn't have much of a knowledge base any more. For instance, I couldn't have told you what the functions of the foreskin were, or why penile cancer wasn't a valid reason to circumcise. Also, I'm ashamed to say, I still kind of thought that it was the parents' choice, and even though I wouldn't assist, I still felt it was my job as a "team player" to at least clean up and set up for the circs.

Several years later a whole complex of things happened which catapulted me into intactivism. The main catalyst was that my then 15-year-old younger son told me he wanted to get circumcised! After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I went on an intensive three-month Internet search in order to be able to talk to him knowledgeably about it. I read everything I could get my hands on (and as you all know, that's A LOT), and the more I read, the more outraged I became. (This is a really long story - but don't worry, it all turned out OK and he's still happily intact at age 20, but thinks it's ironic that it was his wanting to get circumcised that led to me becoming an intactivist.)

Simultaneously, I went from night shift to day shift, when they do most of the circumcisions, and all of a sudden I had to be around it all the time. Also, simultaneously, ICEA (Int'l Childbirth Ed Assoc) put out a new circumcision position statement in their journal to which I subscribed. By that time I had enough knowledge under my belt to see how inadequate and biased it was. So I spent the next four months continuing to research and writing a rebuttal article which I submitted to their journal and which was rejected for publication.

Meanwhile I was getting crazier and crazier being around circ at work every day, and I got into trouble at work for a few circumcision-related incidents (also a long story). To find some outlet for my increasing sense of frustration and disempowerment at work, I decided to start a graduate program that I could build around circumcision issues (still working on it). Eventually, after several failed attempts, I got in touch with the (very inactive) NOCIRC people in Colorado about 2-1/2 years ago. Bingo, I was officially an intactivist.

No turning back now. I know too much.

Gillian

PS - I do of course know now that it is absolutely not a parent's right to circumcise their babies for non-medical reasons. Though I continue to tread the line at work (as far as risking getting into trouble again), I absolutely will not assist in ANY way with a circumcision, except in the case of a complication, in which case I make sure that a hospital incident report gets filled out.

[baybee]

Wow, Gillian, even though we were room mates in Seattle, I didn't realize all that background to your journey. Thanks for sharing your story and for all the good work you do to stick up for baby boys.