Halt...Step away from the Baby! - Page 3

[sunflowers]

Originally Posted by ehcor

Given that we (meaning most Americans it seems) are living in an increasingly hands-off, anti-friendly, anti-child, neighbor/community culture, I'm a little surprised to see so many people who've had their babies touched by strangers. It's hard enough to get someone to hold the door open for you, but they have no problem touching kids they don't know?-odd.

Apparently NJ is a very kid-friendly, door-opening, welcoming place! I never have a problem getting the door held open for me (with baby & full arms or not!) and I regularly hold the door open for others. It isn't just men helping women, either. Women help men, women help other women, and men even help men. Kids are always holding the doors for adults and other kids (sometimes the parent is there gently reminding them ). Maybe it's just my area of the state but I never thought twice about it.

[ehcor]

It's not the same people who put their fingers in babies mouths and give the evil eye.

I realize that--I was talking about the weird dichotomy in our culture that apparently make both extreme actions okay. oh well, nevermind.

And I know there's a difference bewteen a baby and an older child--just pointing out that people like me, who would never be a jerk and give other parents a hard time for simply allowing their kids to be kids in public nor physically interact with them without permission are confused with what's the acceptable norm for interacting with other people's kids . . .and obviously there is no "right" way--everyone will have their preference level (and the rules are slightly diff. for family)--after thinking about it, I guess I have mine as well.

Edited to add:
I think this is epsecially a concern for people who don't have kids or don't interact with them a lot--I've heard this from guy friends in particular "I like kids, but I don't want someone to get the wrong idea IYKWIM, so I just avoid them altogether."

[ehcor]

hey I'm only going by what I've read in TAO and the parenting forum for the last 2 1/2 almost 3 years. I'm sure some places are VERY nice--but the general vibe at mothering has been that sometimes, parents here feel the dominant culture isn't the most welcoming or respectful or even tolerant of kids in public (search and read the sheer number of "no kids at weddings" threads). I'll amend my opinion.

[justmama]

I am really really funny about this. Even though my "baby" is now 2, I still think of her as a baby and I get freaked out when people come too close to her. I always look right at them and say, "excuse me but I'd really appreciate if you wouldn't touch my daughter. she was a preemie and has a weak immune system still. we have to be very careful about germs." It's all entirely true and people usually back away and apologize profusely and tell me stories about their neighbor's dog's nephew's son's daughter's grandchild who was premature. And then as soon as they walk away I break out my purell and breathe a sigh of relief!

Meg

[ashleep]

I have no problem with strangers touching my baby's head or feet, but hands are off limits to me. Most babies' hands go straight to their mouth, so the stranger may as well be sticking their hands right on in, YK?

I am teaching 2.5 yr old dd to only touch babies' heads and feet. I guess people around here don't seem to mind baby-groping because they usually look at me funny when I remind her where to touch, like "What's wrong with my baby's hands, lady?!"

[mom2myprincess]

Usually DH is with us when we are out and he tells people not to touch her, or if it is me and her I usually hold her close and people dont feel the need. The few times that it did happen, people went straight for her face...why?? I dont get it, when I see babies in public I never think to touch them. The best part, one time when DH asked a cashier who was trying to touch DDs face not too she replied with " I have children I know what im doing"...obviously not if you are trying to touch my DDs face with your hands that have been handling dirty money all day.:

[angrypixiemama]

I agree with the PP who mentioned the personal space issue. My DD is 4 months old, and so this is becoming more of an issue for us now. She is a smiler, but her smiling at someone doesn't give them the right to come over and touch her face.

I think that I am super sensitive about this because I have issues about my personal space. I am one of those people who cannot have someone read over their shoulder, etc. I have always been this way. I think this leads me to be hyper-vigilant about my daughter because she cannot speak for herself yet.

And I STILL ask people to handwash before they hold her.

[living_organic]

I was wearing dd2 in a thrift store the other day and this little girl (10yo or so) came up to us. I could smell her at 10ft and she was visibly filthy besides the smell. It would be safe to say it had been 2 months since her last bath!! She kept coming up trying to touch dd and I kept turning away under the guise of looking at various items.

She persisted and finally I said, please don't touch her. She said "Why, not? I have a baby brother" I said "because she doesn't know you." She then went on her way. I was nice about it.

I would say the same thing to an adult and maybe add " I don't want her to think it is okay for a stranger to touch her."

I don't mind them talking to her and she usually rewards people with a smile after they speak to her. But most of the time in the sling folks don't try to touch her.

[LotusBirthMama]

I too have found the sling to be a big touch deterent. Maybe because the babe is so close to my boobs...

If someone persists is trying I usually just turn my body a little to the side and put an arm over DS head.

[JamesMama]

This is why I'm praying this baby will be a sling baby. James was a 'give me my freaking space' baby so the sling just did not work...I held him often but not always the sling. I had so many people try to touch him...it wasn't so bad when he was new, I think people got the whole 'flu season' deal. And most people at church asked first...it was the freaky people in the grocery store that got me. I wanna be like "Who the hell are you and WHY are you touching MY child?"

I say when it comes to your kid if people think you are a rude hag...good. I have no issues with saying "Please do NOT touch my child." and being a total b***h. If they don't like that, tough. It's not my job to be nice when people are doing stuff to my kid I don't want them to do.