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Support/strength when family member has meth addiction.

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 
I don't really know where else to write this... I have two brothers - One is schizoprhenic and the other one who is gay has always been okay but in the last year he got in a bad relationship with a guy on drugs and is now doing meth.

I'm beside myself. I feel like both of my brothers will have miserable lives and I'm really worried about them both. The one with mental illness has also admitted to my DH that he's done meth, but can't do it often because he doesn't have the money for it.

I feel surrounded by a bad world of drug addiction. I got bad news today and it's just keeping me up from sleeping.

I know I can't do anything about it - he is set in his way right now and I feel like I *should* do something but I just can't seem to find the right thing....
post #2 of 12

Meth is a terrible, terrible drug. To be quite honest there is really not a whole lot you CAN do except be supportive and when and if the day comes your brother decides to stop doing drugs be there for him. He may go into rehab several times and not get clean or he may be one of the lucky ones who kicks right away. I hate this drug! The effects it has on the brain is so powerful and destructive. You can do your research on the drug and protect your own family. I don't know how old your brother is or if he lives nearby but truly drugs do become a family problem. The more informed you are the better it is for him and your family.

My sister was on Meth many years ago and it was horrible to see what she went through. She became a different person. She was suspicious, paranoid, she (secondary to sleep deprivation), she was angry, she did things and put herself into situations she never would have done or been in without the drug addiction. Her teeth, her hair and skin were a mess. I could tell many stories about that time of our life. I worked ER and she came to my job on more than one occasion which I am ashamed to say embarrassed me to no end. However, she is my sister and she needed help. Crazy stuff this meth. The good news for us anyway is that my sister has been clean for almost 9years. She got pregnant while she was spun out and ended up spending almost the entire pregnancy in the hospital on bedrest. The baby was born healthy and is now a beautiful, smart little girl. She saved my sister's life.

Sorry to talk so much about my stuff, I just want you to know it can get better. Please learn as much as you can about this evil drug (sounds dramatic I know but it is awful). If you ever need to, please pm me and I'd be happy to talk with you.

good luck

post #3 of 12
Thread Starter 

thank you SO much... you have no idea how encouraging your words are!!! I really have tears in my eyes...

I'm so glad things worked out for your sister and your niece...

I will take your advice and inform myself as much as possible... Thank you!!!

more later!
post #4 of 12
Oh, I'm so sorry it's meth. IIRC, meth is the hardest drug to quit. Physically and mentally it affects users so much.

So first of all, a big hug!

Second of all, I think the PP suggestions are correct in that there's not much you can do until he wants to quit. That's true for most addictions, but I think particularly with meth. Remind him that you love him and that you will support him in quitting as much as you can, but don't enable him in any way. Remember that anything he does while he's using is not personal to you, and that he can't help it.
post #5 of 12
Please find an al-anon meeting. It doesn't matter what chemical the family member is addicted to, you will find loving support and compassion for all who have a family member who is an addict there.

www.al-anon.com is the site. This is NOT alcoholics anonymous, which is for the addict. This is support for FAMILY AND FRIENDS of addicts.

Please find a meeting near you. It WILL change your life if you'll go faithfully to meetings. You will find such love and support there.

You will need it.

post #6 of 12
my best friend was a meth addict for 10 years, and another formerly close friend is still addicted. ime, there is nothing you can do until they are ready to quit. it's hard to go through, i know. i had to cut my best friend out of my life for a while because i just couldn't deal anymore. the good news is that my best friend is sober now, and he will never go back to using, but it took him almost losing his life before he realized how bad meth is. not everyone has to go that far, though.

you mentioned that one of your brothers is gay...meth is a huge problem in the gay community. i can tell you that i know quite a lot of gay people who have managed to quit using. some have gone to rehab and do the program, some have kicked it on their own by focusing on their careers. if he's involved in anything online, he should cut his internet connection for a while and cancel any memberships to cruising sites. that's a big part of the problem for a lot of men. here is a site with some resources for him, as well as lots of information about meth from a gay perspective.

i'm so sorry you are going through this. feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk.
post #7 of 12
My mother is a meth addict. She is facing jail (again) for her 5th or so charge. I can't even keep track nowadays. She dragged my family down. She had issues before the meth, and this exacerbated it. She abandoned us to horrible people. Made my brothers hide her pills.

She is one of those overly manipulative people who has managed to work the system and get off scot free (or rehab). The rehab doesn't work because she doesn't want it and the meth permanently screws your head. As soon as they let her off with less than a slap on the wrist, she does it again. They "pity" her again, and she does it again.

Meth is not a drug you need to pity. It's something you have to be proactive about and the states are not handling it well at all. Most of the people in my old town are or were addicts. It is difficult, but possible to quit. My best friend was a hard-core addict. SHe got pregnant and quit.

But most people don't. And it ruins lives. More than any other drug, IMHO because of the addiction rates and how it biologically affects you.

Our family was destroyed by it and I carry an extreme amount of anger towards meth addicts. I hope your brother comes clean.
post #8 of 12

check out video clip Slow Death of a Meth Addict
post #9 of 12
I'm so sorry you are going through this. My sister was a meth addict for a couple of years, left her kids and everything. It is really hard to go through (for everyone). My best advice is to really accept that you can't make a meth addict stop. The best you can do is let that person know that you will be there for them when they do. I refused to enable my sister, I never loaned her money, or let her crash on my couch (I did not want that around my kids) I made it clear I would not help her continue to use but I would help her when she got clean. She has been clean now for 2 years She stayed w/ me for a little while when she first got clean and we are very close now. It is still hard for her and me, things have changed but she is recovering and we are all very happy for that. She did tell me that one of the biggest reasons she didn't get clean sooner was because she thought we hated her and that we wouldn't be able to forgive her.
post #10 of 12
One of my best friends started doing meth a few years ago - he thought he was doing a great job at work, but he was horrible to deal with. I eventually had to cut him out of my life. Just now, four years later, we're starting to talk again now that he has his life under control.
post #11 of 12

Here's a link with some info. I don't know if any of it will be useful (its in Canada).

Hugs mama
post #12 of 12
I had a family member who became addicted to drugs (later in life) when she had two growing boys... and she lost everything. It was so difficult to witness the transformation from responsible caring adult and mother to basically a street drug addict.... she has since recovered her sanity and children who are now grown and she has been in a recovery program for 10 years.... her life is very good right now.

I remember the difficulty during that time and the deep deep sadness that affected me... I had to deal with it on my own (al-a-non I found to be NO help, but that is just me.... I tried it believe me but it didn't take) Anyway, I had to let go completely.... definetley no contact, and just pray for the best.... she finally turned for help on her own and it worked.

Good Luck
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