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baby acted up in store make me

post #1 of 17
Thread Starter 
He started screaming like we were killing him or something. I got at him cause he was embarassing me. So I tried feeding him he didnt want that then he fell . I hate when he acts like that in public people : and. Je better not act like that in the store when he is 2 cause he will get it..

all done venting
laura and andrew
post #2 of 17
How old is he? Our baby (4 months now!) sometimes cries hard or screams for a minute or two like that when he is really tired. He isn't doing it to make you mad. It's not like with a two-year-old who may be testing your limits. He might just be feeling "disorganized" or overstimulated by being in the store when he is tired.

People who act like something is wrong when a little babies cry in public have never had or known a little baby. Just stay relaxed and make soothing noises, and people will give you compliments on how you handle it.

And even with a two year old, everyone who knows one knows they test and that's where they are at, so nothing to be embarassed about.
post #3 of 17
I have learned that feeling embarassed about my kids' behavior is completely unhealthy for me - it makes me unreasonably angry at them for things that usually are developmentally normal. Try not to take this sort of experience to heart. Most people understand that being the parent of a baby or young child can be challenging, and most people won't judge you, they just sympathize with you. And even if they judge you, so what? Understanding your child and meeting his or her needs as best you can is infinitely more important than impressing a stranger with your ability to keep your child quiet.
post #4 of 17
Isn't your baby only three-months old? You might want to relax. A crying infant can definitely be stressful but who is more important, your unhappy baby or strangers in a store?

Also, this is an Attachment Parenting board, where a lot of the members practice or try to practice gentle discipline. Let's say that my toddler freaked out in public. I would try not to flip out on her. Instead, I would try to calm her down, leave the situation, examine it afterwards, think about how I could avoid a future meltdown, etc.

Check out the toddler and discipline forums. They might give you some ideas for the future.

p.s. Babies usually cry for a reason. It's our job to figure out what that reason is. Crying at this age is not a discipline issue, but a hunger, fatigue, colic, fear, above all valid issue. Tantrums don't come into the picture until later.
post #5 of 17
Thread Starter 

Thanks everyone

You see I have pms and this the first time with a baby that I have it. So I have to learn to controll it. But when he gets older and understands that mommy is in a bad mood that she needs time to herself-Yeah right. I have to learn to control myself. I my little boy so much. I know he is only 3mos and cant tell me whats wrong but I would never hurt him. I love seeing his face when I come and get him from the crib. Thanks for the advice
post #6 of 17
I never thought that you might hurt your baby. I'm sure that you love him. Gentle discipline isn't simply a matter of not hitting our children. It's also about expectations and interpretation, e.g. saying that a three-month-old baby is "acting up" in a store sounds a little harsh, if you know what I mean.
post #7 of 17
saying that a three-month-old baby is "acting up" in a store sounds a little harsh, if you know what I mean.
Or that a 2 year old is going to "get it"

I 've never known my kids at any age to be able to get in control better if I was angry. Even at 3 months he can tell if you are calm and in control of things or upset, how stiff your arms are, how fast your heart beats. He will be able to settle down much faster if your arms are the harbor in the storm, not an addition to what is upsetting him.
post #8 of 17
I 've never known my kids at any age to be able to get in control better if I was angry
My almost 11 year old, still hasn't figured that one out! LOL

Is it possible you are having some PPD?

I have 4 kids, and I have done LOTS and LOTS wrong... I completely understand how a screaming baby can make you get frustrated.
However, I think the feelings you seem to have had are unhealthy.

I am not 'knocking' you... I just don't want you to end up in a situation you are going to regret later.

post #9 of 17
Thread Starter 

Iam on zoloft and anti-axtiety pills

Thanks for your concern. Yes I did suffer from post-partum depression and maybe I still do and plus I have pms which dont help. I do see a therapist and a shrink. I do have pstd from my sexual abuse when I was younger..I know thats his way of talking cause he cant say mommy Iam tired or hungry. Sometimes I just cry u know. I my little guy very much and I have to learn to control my pms..Sometimes if his screaming gets out of control and tried every like feed,diaper,burp etc and nothing works I put him in his crib for him to cool down as well as I. Thanks again.
post #10 of 17
Don't ever worry about what other people thinking when a baby is crying in public.

I think one of the best things we can do, as parents, is to stop worrying what everyone else MIGHT be thinking about our childrens' behavior. You never know what they're thinking, and besides, who cares?
post #11 of 17
to MommytoAndrew

I don't really have advice, but just wanted to give you a hug. Even though it probably stinks to go through PPD, it's great that you are getting the help you need.
post #12 of 17
Here's a few things I say to those staring when Anna gets a little upset in the store:
1. Goodness, she has quite an opinion!
2. She must have a lot to say right now.
3. Aren't moments like this always frustrating.
4. Sounds like someone needs a nap.

Hope some of these help. They seem to ease the situation of those around you when you're stuck in the checkout line with a fussy babe.
post #13 of 17
My 2 month old cries like that sometimes when we are in the store. I think it has more to do w/ her being tired, or just overstimulated by all of the colors and sounds. Last time I took her to the pharmacy (where my friend works, and visited w/ her while bouncing DD until she fell asleep. I have never heard anyone comment rudely when she is acting like this. Infact, one day she was screaming her head off thru the entire store (I just grabbed the necessities) and people were still trying to talk soothingly to her, and telling her what a beautiful baby she is. I thought they were nuts b/c she wasn't being such a good baby at the time, but anyone who has ever been a mom is just smiling at you encouragingly, even if you don't see them smile :smile
post #14 of 17
There is a reason that parenting is the hardest job in the world. There are so many frustrations on a daily basis for us, and I can't imagine what it must be like for a baby or toddler to try to communicate their needs to a parent who just isn't getting it. Please try to remember that there are two types of people out there -- there are the ones who see you in the store with the crying baby and know what you are going through and feel empathy for you while at the same time thanking the good lord that it isn't them this time, and there are the one's who DON'T have kids, yet feel they are experts on parenting. They are the one's shooting you dirty looks thinking to themselves "why doesn't she get control of that kid???"

The latter of those people aren't worth the time and effort of worrying what they are thinking of you.

I feel very lucky that I don't embarrass easily, and my kids would have to do something pretty bad for me to be embarrassed. I can't even think of an example at the moment. Realize that babies cry, toddlers have tantrums, and preschoolers can be incredibly irritating creatures at times. Even perfect parenting (if there is such a thing) isn't going to change that. It's just nature.

Enjoy your baby. Get help if you don't feel that you are getting the help you need for your PPD. I suffer from depression with panic and anxiety. I know how miserable it can be.

PS: Check your PM box, I sent you a message.
post #15 of 17
Sounds like he had to let off some steam beofre he could get some sleep. My first baby was like that. Who cares what onlookers might think. You know your a good mom.

wait until they are toddlers and scream "HELP ME HELP ME MOMMY DADDY HELP ME!!!!" When you are trying to wrestle them into a stroller in a crowded mall. People looked at us like we were kidnapping them of course. I'm surprised security didn't intercept us LOL.
post #16 of 17
First of all a three month old doesn't "act up" something was obviously wrong. shopping is hard on babies and children and occaisionally if I am in the mall more than half an hour I freak out. :LOL Sometimes it is better to j ust give it up for the itme being. maybe grab an iced tea and sit in th cafe until he settles down. falls alseep, just somewhere wheree y ou can both relax a little. If you are worried and stressed about what other people think just head for the car and relax. Most stores if you tell them you need to leave and take care of your baby will watch your cart.

You need to learn how to handle this now because when they are two they will act up and intentionally try to get out of shopping and that is normal and developmentally appropriate and there is no reason to run yourself ragged trying to stop it. They know. They wil just work harder to dlip you out.

Thirdly, some ol;d ladies will look and judge but most people will be thinking one of two things when they see your child screasming a)they will be silently opffering up prayers of thanksgiving that for just once there is someone to distract people from thier child b) they will be remembering when thier children were that age and how quickly those precious precious years fly by. c) some may be desperately wishing they had a baby even if it was throwing a royal fit. and hey! if you are really lucky someone will ask you if there is anything they can do to help. I know it sorta feels like they are judging you but take it for the sincere offer it is. I know if someones kids was hungry and tired and I had some crackers that would make it better I owuld offer them to the mom. or if someone could push my cart over to the side of the store while I carried the baby I would be more thanhappy to let them. usually people really do want to just help. they have euither been there, are there or will be there and they know it.

And finally, if you think your are bad, while pulling dd out of clothing racks and wresteling her back into the stroller while trying to hold my newborn she would scream "Help, she is hurting me, I don't know her and she is hurting me. where is my mommy!!!" where to 3 year olds get this stuff?
post #17 of 17
And finally, if you think your are bad, while pulling dd out of clothing racks and wresteling her back into the stroller while trying to hold my newborn she would scream "Help, she is hurting me, I don't know her and she is hurting me. where is my mommy!!!" where to 3 year olds get this stuff?
I think they get some sort of handbook that we as parents are unaware of.:LOL
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