HOW do you manage with a Preschooler and New Babe???

[monkeybum]

We just had our beautiful baby boy (#2) 11 days ago and already all hell has broken loose! : DS#1 (3 years old) was mostly potty trained but needs help to understand it's not ok to run around with poop on your bum, and to wipe his bum without getting poop everywhere, clogging the toilet or overflowing the sink.

How the heck do you manage to get dinner made, nurse a new babe (who wants to nurse 24/7) help a 3yo with the potty, get them fed, in to pj's, and to bed without going insane!!??

I just don't know how I am going to manage when DH goes back to work. I don't trust DS#1 with the babe (he tries to put things in the crib or climb in to the playpen...) so I don't want to put DS#2 (the new babe) down EVER! I can't go pee!

Any tricks or tips out there on managing a preschooler and a new babe on your own?

Kathy.

[Jilian]

: I'm hoping for some ideas too, my babe isn't born yet so I have no advice.

[Peony]

Umm, I don't. : DD2 is 5 months old now, DD1 is 4, and I can count on two hands the number of nights I have cooked dinner. I just now feel like I can start to do some things and I'm still figuring out how to juggle two DC.

[nadia105]

Your sling will become your new best friend. That way, you ahve hands free for you to go to the bathroom or to wipe the poopy butt while your newborn snoozes away comfy next to mama. I don't think my ds ever laid down for a nap in the first 3 months, be was a sling lovin little guy!

[koru]

you really have to be easy on yourself & not expect to do it all! patience is key....and time management. when dd2 was born, i would start thinking about dinner very early in the day! if i had a peaceful moment, i would make a salad or marinate meat to save time. we also had quite a few "pj days" when no one had to get dressed & we laid around the house all day. your oldest son may need some special time with you, too, and extra attention to details (i.e. wiping). regression is so normal & if you know to expect it, maybe it won't be so horrific to see poop everywhere!?

a sling is always a good idea but that gets exhausting, too! you'll find your balance & one day you'll wake up to some sort of normalcy.

i'm expecting #3 in may....dd1 will almost be 4 & dd2 will almost be 2.5. i may need to come back here & read this thread again!

[JanB]

When I had dd, ds was only 25 months, and I'll tell you, the first few months of having her were probably the toughest months of my life. It really took us some time to get settled in and figure out our new routine as a family. And during that time, yes, the housekeeping went all to hell, I didn't get out as much as I wanted, and all of my personal projects got shoved aside (in some cases never to be picked up again but I did manage to return to my sewing and journalling).

I second the suggestions to wear the new baby in a sling as much as possible. I also found a bouncy seat to be very helpful for times that I needed to cook dinner (I never felt safe with baby in a sling near a hot stove), go to the bathroom, or shower. And this might not be a popular suggestion, but I would find favorite TV shows for DS to watch for an hour or so to give me a short break from him wanting to climb all over me. PBS saved my sanity. We also did try to get out of the house as much as humanly possible. At the time, we lived three blocks from the public library, so I'd sling dd up and we'd hike over the library and spend some time there, which helped. Even just going on a walk around the block can really help clear your head and get you out of the "OMG dinner isn't made/the kitchen is a disaster area/the bathroom smells like a cesspool/I can't find ANY CLEAN CLOTHES" mindset that can threaten to take over.

The one thing I can say is that it does get a lot better, before you know it. It was really only 2-3 months of feeling very overwhelmed before I started to get a good handle on things and feel like I was in control of my life again.

[kerikadi]

I have a 12 day old and TWO preschoolers, oh and two jr. high kids that need to be taken to school almost daily.
My Mom has been here since the birth - she's leaving tonight
DH is taking off Thursday & Friday but then LEAVING TOWN for work :

So I will be completely alone with 2 jr. high boys, 2 preschool girls and a newborn. Not to mention a dog, turtle and my cat is in HEAT (guess she's not fixed like they told us!)

Oh, and I have a business to run and I'm getting e-mails from customers wondering why they don't have their orders yet and I still need to do the taxes for the business before the 15th!!!

My biggest advice would be to call your friends - people love to help out. Maybe you have a friend that could come and pick up your older son and take him to the park or for a playdate for a couple of hours so you can get some rest and maybe take a shower.
I have one friend coming out Monday and she will be brining us dinner and her kids will play with my kids so I can rest & shower.
Tuesday I am taking my preschoolers to a friends house and she is keeping them for the day.
Wednesday I am having our regular babysitter come over to keep the girls entertained - they love her. She is HS age but is homeschooled so her schedule is flexible.

Also, lower your expectations! You don't have to make dinner or pick up toys or vacuum. Your DH can do that when he gets home from work. During the day put the baby in the sling and try to plan one thing per day with your preschooler - if he is busy he is less likely to make you crazy. If the weather is nice take him to a park or let him play in your yard (if you have one) while you sit in a chair. The other day I gave the girls a stack of paper plates and markers and let them go to town!

And I hate to admit it but the girls have been watching more TV than I would like. I let them watch in the morning until 9 or 10 and then sometimes in the afternoon if I need to rest I'll let them pick out a short movie like Barney or Care Bears. Not the way I like to parent but you do what you gotta do. I know I need the break and I'll be a better Mama if I get one.

Good luck!
Keri

[Robinna]

I'm another vote for lower your expectations. Take one moment at a time, one challenge at a time, and if it means that someone has to whip out to the grocery store and pick up a roast chicken and ready made salad for dinner - THAT'S OK. If you get behind on cleaning/tidying teh house - THAT'S OK. Nobody is crawling in your house right now, you don't have to vaccum daily.

Get help. When somebody calls and says, "can I do anything" ask them to come vaccum, or make a big lasagna so you can freeze most of it in serving-size portions (freezer meals were a lifesaver for me!).

The sling helped (I use a wrap) but I'm also a fan of putting the baby down in her bed when she's sleepy. IF baby will tolerate this. ds wouldn't. But my dd did, I've never had trouble putting her down for a nap as long as I watch for her cues and put her in her bed when she's actually sleepy. (STAYING asleep is a different issue for her, but let's not go there...) That gave me a little quality time with ds so he knew Mum hadn't forgotten him.

Find an ad-hoc sitter who will take your older child occasionally for a "play-date" with the other kids s/he looks after (yeah, you ahve to pay for it, but it's worth it). This was worth it's weight in GOLD because it meant that I DID get to nap when the baby napped. It's easier than you think to find an "occasional" sitter - often they can't take another full time kid, but a "now and again" kid they can manage fine and it's extra $ for them.

On the potty thing... I hear ya. With ds we just said, over and over, you can't run around with a poopy bum, you have to call mummy, don't leave the bathroom without a bum-wipe... it eventually sank in. But I feel your pain.

And finally... ITA with the pp who said that occasionally, the TV can help. ds no longer naps. But sometimes *I'm* desparate, and when that happens, during dd's nap, ds gets to watch a video while I curl around him on the couch and take a rest. You'll wake up if he moves just the same as you wake up when he gets out of bed at night.

Big hugs - thinking of you & sending lots of love & patience

xo robin

[skyblufig]

I have no ideas for you (sorry : ), but dc #2 is on the way in July, right around the time ds will be turning 3 so... : GL to you mama! I have to believe it'll get better at some point, otherwise no one would ever have more than 2, right?! Either that or the hormones just completely jelly your brain

[mom2talus]

Reading along because I simply can't imagine how I would handle DS3 and a baby. So I've put off having a second for now...

[Mere]

I too am a big fan of bouncy seats and slings. We also used a swing with ds, which we never used or needed for dd!

Otherwise, we just got out of the house a lot so dd could run off her energy and wasn't hyper and crazy at home!

[DoomaYula]

I had TWO 2.5yo when dd was born. Dh took a week off, and then my mom came for a week. It was rough. But ya know, I didn't sweat it that the kids ate a lot of cereal during that time and watched a lot of Sesame. I didn't potty train the boys til they were 3.5yo so I had 3 in dipes.

This time, when I have this baby, the boys will be almost 5yo and the girl will be 2.5yo and dh is taking 2 weeks off. And then my mom will come for 2 weeks.

Do you crockpot? If you have anything in the house, you can always find 5 minutes to throw it in on low for 5 or 6 hours.

Good luck -- it will take a while to get into a routine. When dd turned 2yo, I felt like I had the time to have another.

[Meredith&Alexander]

I lowered my expectations.

On a good day, we do fine, and I get a few things accomplished. On a not-so-good day, if everyone's still breathing at 6pm, the day was successful.

[skyblufig]

Originally Posted by Meredith&Alexander

I lowered my expectations.

On a good day, we do fine, and I get a few things accomplished. On a not-so-good day, if everyone's still breathing at 6pm, the day was successful.

I feel that way now and I've only got one so far... :

[Hazelnut]

I almost did go insane. The sling helped a lot though. And Rescue Remedy. I definitely wasn't really cooking nice meals when home alone with both- you can still give some healthy (if not hot) stuff. Oh, and the house got a little messy.

[jlpumkin]

Ds is now 16 mo and it's a lot better... here's what I did.. not that I am saying this is what should be done, but it's how I survived:
Sling for morning naps
Lots of playdates with trusted friends for preschooler
Everyone co-slept afternoon naps (I definitely needed them!)
And we ate way too much processed food... I'm still trying to wean the preschooler off of it all
And we seem to still be digging out of the clutter that collected over the last year... so yeah lower standards.
But now that that time has passed and my kiddos now seem to genuinely be attached to one another, I think they were good priorities for us. I certainly didn't want to hear "enjoy it, it's over too fast" But of course it was true.

[MacKinnon]

A day at a time... The best advice I got was from my step-sis whose two are only 15 months apart. She said figure out what you NEED to do, don't worry about the rest. Clean bathrooms are nice but not needed, food is needed.

I am in the same situation, I have a 3 year old DD and a 11 week old DS. My potty trained-for-six-months daughter is now back in diapers, full-time. She just decided she wanted to be a baby. She pretends to cry, wants to be fed, drinks out of bottles, wears diapers. Ugh.. I can't stand it. My DS will nap in the swing if we time it right, I've learned to put him down when he is 98% asleep. Otherwise we use the sling. I have got to get myself dressed and showered if possible. DS goes in the bouncy chair, DD watches a show and I shower. If that doesn't work, I at least get dressed in real clothes and do my hair/makeup. It makes a HUGE difference for me. And I don't stay home. DS is in the sling and out at playdates, mommy & me preschool, gymnastics, etc. We do better if we get out a couple days a week. Good luck! It will get better, speaking from three months out. (Of course, as I say this I am freaking out because my mom and my IL's are on vacation for 9 days and I have no help with DD!)

[annakiss]

At 11 days post-partum why on earth are you making dinner? You're going to miss out on your baby if you keep that up. Wait until you have to. If your DH isn't back to work yet, what is he doing?

When he does go back to work could you possibly have everyone start sleeping in and eating dinner later so that DH can make it? Or perhaps the new baby will be napping at that time? I don't ever cook myself, so I guess I'm at a loss when it comes to dinner.

About the preschooler with poop on his butt - I'm still insisting on wiping my 4.5 yo because of the mess, so I'd say try to do that part for him? Use the sling and lower your expectations. It was many months before I got back totally in the swing of things. I had a nice, blissful worry-free summer though (DS2 was born in May). Good luck!

[momma4fun]

YOU MUST EAT BREAKFAST AND YOUR DH MUST MAKE IT FOR YOU EVERY MORNING BEFORE HE LEAVES!

Ok sorry to yell and tell you what to do, but I have horrible days if I don't eat a good breakfast with protein, fat and carbs. DH makes me 3 eggs and sourdough toast every morning, and several days he'll also add some fried potatoes and sausage or bacon. I need the energy for nursing and everything else that goes down. I feel it is dh's resposibility to feed me breakfast so I can feed the babies. THere is no way I could get up and run after baby, toddler, take kindergartener to school and get back home without fainting without eating a nutrient dense breakfast. It sounds like a lot but by now my DH has it down to just 5 minutes with eggs and toast or just 10 minutes prep time with the big breakfast.

Everyday in the afternoon when things are getting crazy I go around the house with a trash bag. Where does all the trash come from??? It's endless. I throw it all away at once, rather than cleaning up after everything as I go throughout the day. I also throw away toys, lol. A few random legos over here? TRASH! We don't need 'em. The alphabet blocks that I'm alwasy stepping on? Trash. We don't need 5 different kinds of blocks, let alone keeping the whole set. Then all the dirty clothes all over the floor I throw into one pile. And that's it. That's all the cleaning I do when DH is at work. The house is a wreck. DH has just started putting a load of laundry in everyday from that pile. He also washes all the dishes every night. I sweep every night. THat's all that happens. And I'm happy to say thatthis style has made for neater house because we have much less clutter because I throw everything away.

As for running around with the young ones, try to keep maybe your bedroom clear as a rainy or crazy day fun place to be. Our matress is just right on the floor. WHen things get crazy, I just go up there with my toddler and nusre/hold baby in the rocking chair while watching the toddler jump/do tricks on the mattress.

eta : and as harsh as it may sound online, sometimes one of the kids just has to cry for a minute while you finish with a diaper or a poopy butt. there's not really much you can do about that unless, no crying is more important to you than having to clean poo off the couch.

[Hazelnut]

I don't know if this is an option- but after awhile (and I wish I did it earlier) we got a cleaning lady, just for twice a month. Even monthly would help catch up. I only throw that out there b/c believe me, it seemed really crazy and expensive for us right now with me not working, but if it's at all possible I promise you it can be worth it. It saves us so much work and stress. I thought I'd feel it to be really wasteful for us b/c money was tight, but once we did it, it was great.

Also, obvious as it sounds, I think eating healthy and getting some rest (haha) can really help deal with inevitable stress. I even started taking omega 3 pills (totally never did that before) after reading the ppd thread and I swear for me it really made me feel a little mentally stronger. You might not feel quiet that close to breaking, but thought I'd throw that out there.