How often do you say something?

[my3peanuts]

I'll hear someone talking about "sleep training" their 2 month old, giving them a bottle of formula before bed to help them sleep better, putting cereal in their bottles, giving them COW'S milk at less than a year of age, starting solids at 3-4 months, etc.... And I always want to say something but figure it's not my place.

How often do you say something to someone that is doing something you, or the AAP for that matter, doesn't agree with?

[karina5]

Very little, actually. Even my more mainstream friends don't do any of the examples you gave.

[phathui5]

It depends on how close I am to the person and how dangerous/stupid I think what they're doing is.

[nataliachick7]

Originally Posted by my3peanuts

I'll hear someone talking about "sleep training" their 2 month old, giving them a bottle of formula before bed to help them sleep better, putting cereal in their bottles, giving them COW'S milk at less than a year of age, starting solids at 3-4 months, etc.... And I always want to say something but figure it's not my place.

How often do you say something to someone that is doing something you, or the AAP for that matter, doesn't agree with?

all of that stuff drives me bonkers! and whenever i HAVE said something, i get a response similair to "oh my doctor recommended i do this, are YOU a doctor?"
i cant agrue with that, can i? UGH.

[karina5]

Originally Posted by nataliachick7

all of that stuff drives me bonkers! and whenever i HAVE said something, i get a response similair to "oh my doctor recommended i do this, are YOU a doctor?"
i cant agrue with that, can i? UGH.

That's just weird! I thought even doctors don't agree w/ those examples! I get a couple of mainstream baby magazines (Parenting, American Baby) that I got as gifts, and even THEY don't recommend what the OP mentioned.

That's just odd. Sounds like some people are living like it's 1963....

[ani'smommy]

I rarely say anything, unless it is clear that they are asking for advice or support. If they say that they are feeling bad because they hate hearing their baby CIO, then I'll say something.

I know someone who lets their baby CIO all the time -- she moves her baby downstairs so that they can't hear her cry. She calls it "banishment" and thinks it's funny. I don't say anything directly, but it is clear that I don't think it's funny at all. I also talk about my personal experiences and try to use "I" statements if I feel I must say something.

I usually keep my mouth shut, though. It is not easy. I have a very very hard time listening to the stupid stuff people do with their babies.

[ani'smommy]

Originally Posted by karina5

That's just weird! I thought even doctors don't agree w/ those examples! I get a couple of mainstream baby magazines (Parenting, American Baby) that I got as gifts, and even THEY don't recommend what the OP mentioned.

That's just odd. Sounds like some people are living like it's 1963....

I hear this stuff all the time in Michigan.

[my3peanuts]

ALL of those examples have been things I've heard someone say they are doing just in the past week! :

And yeah, typically it's "my doctor said I need to do this".

[Caledonia]

: I had this situation a few years back. MIL inisted that SIL was not making enough milk for baby, so she (MIL) fed the poor child rice cereal. Seriously, the babe was barely 4 months old and sat all slouched over in the high-chair. My other SIL and I tried to convince the baby's mom that this was a terrrible idea but in the end she cowed to her mom and believed she could not produce the milk. Guess what happened, the feedings continued and her milk supply dropped and by 8 months she began FF.
It became clear to me that the more I said made MIL more determined to be right and it became a battle of sorts...while she fed the baby she kept saying, "Oh, look how much he likes this, look how hungry he is!" So I shut up and just emailed articles about the dangers of solids too early and the benefites of breastfeeding.
I will say that MIL does respect my choices for my kids ( no spanking, no solids until the milestones are met, breastfeeding, homeschooling) and would never come up against me. Still, my heart aches for my nephew and SIL

[MommytoTwo]

It depends on how close I am to the person and how dangerous/stupid I think what they're doing is.

ditto

[maliceinwonderland]

In my area, the doctors all seem to be fairly decent. Usually I say "That's interesting..have you talked to your doctor about that?" Generally the answer is no, and I reply with "Oh..well maybe you should run that by them because I was reading something the other day..blah blah blah.." As of yet, I haven't heard of a doctor in our city recommending anything really insane. I'm sure there must be some around here though. I sometimes wonder if people take my opinion a little more seriously because I happen to work with doctors, so you know, I must know what's best by osmosis or something

[MtBikeLover]

When it comes to feeding, I don't say anything...every child is different and has different needs. But on CIO, I usually say "I couldn't do CIO - it breaks my heart to listen to my baby cry."

Originally Posted by Caledonia

So I shut up and just emailed articles about the dangers of solids too early and the benefites of breastfeeding.
I will say that MIL does respect my choices for my kids ( no spanking, no solids until the milestones are met, breastfeeding, homeschooling) and would never come up against me. Still, my heart aches for my nephew and SIL

I know this isn't a thread specifically on feeding, and I don't mean to start a debate or be rude, but I really think you overstepped your boundaries on sending an email on the benefits of breastfeeding and the harm of starting solids early. Not everyone can breastfeed and for those that had problems, this type of email could really make them feel bad.

With my son, he would not latch on correctly, no matter how hard I tried or how hard the lactation consultants tried to get him to. I had to use a nipple shield and thus never made enough milk (even pumping every couple of hours to increase my supply). So I had to start him on formula at 2 weeks. Well, at 4 weeks, he was downing several ounces of formula a day (50+) and still always acted hungry so our doctor recommended cereal in the bottle. That made him much more content for a few weeks, but at 10 weeks he went back to being very hungry so we started him on solids. He did great and was so happy. And we have never had any allergy problems or anything.

Now, DD is a totally different story - she is 2 years and still BF and will probably never give it up.

My point - every child is different and every situation is different. I would have been really upset if someone had felt the need to tell me what I was doing was harmful to my children when I had tried every other possible solution.

[Caledonia]

MtBike...I am so sorry to have offended you! Man, in no way is that what I meant! Believe me, I have had my share of BF difficulties my oldest had a major heart defect and had to have pumped BM, my middle was a 3lb premie...so I have experienced how hard BF can be. SIL and I were trying to support her breastfeeding by making sure her supply was not replaced with cereal. Also, I sent the emails to MIL
My somewhat foggy and bemuddled point was that sometimes taking the direct aproach can just make someone more determined to do things "their way."

my apologies

[lilyka]

Originally Posted by nataliachick7

all of that stuff drives me bonkers! and whenever i HAVE said something, i get a response similar to "oh my doctor recommended i do this, are YOU a doctor?"
i cant argue with that, can i? UGH.

that is when I suggest a new Dr.

[jlpumkin]

I think people only take advice from people that they respect and value their opinion. People that think I'm a crazy parent probably can't see through that filter. So those folks I would just keep parenting advice to myself. Unless they ask my opinion of course then I mount my soap box.

[TabbyK]

Originally Posted by MtBikeLover

With my son, he would not latch on correctly, no matter how hard I tried or how hard the lactation consultants tried to get him to. I had to use a nipple shield and thus never made enough milk (even pumping every couple of hours to increase my supply). So I had to start him on formula at 2 weeks. Well, at 4 weeks, he was downing several ounces of formula a day (50+) and still always acted hungry so our doctor recommended cereal in the bottle. That made him much more content for a few weeks, but at 10 weeks he went back to being very hungry so we started him on solids. He did great and was so happy. And we have never had any allergy problems or anything.

That was my DS almost exactly!! He was tongue tied (which we didn't know, and the dr in the hospital didn't catch) and it was almost physically impossible for him to latch. By 4 weeks he was ingesting over 1/2 his body weight in formula and of course it gave him a tummy ache (and he was STILL waking every hour and a half literally hysterical from hunger), so we started ended up starting solids far, far earlier than I had ever intended. He turned into a different kid literally overnight! It's not something I would recommend, but it was what he specifically needed. Our DD was a totally different story and happy to wait for solids to a more accepted timeframe!

Having a child like that taught me one thing very early. It's easy to have opinions in general on what you think is best for children, but there will always be times when exceptions are needed. And if I'm not the child's parent, then as long as it isn't something obviously dangerous like refusing to use a carseat, then it's not really my place to say anything about their parenting choices (though I reserve the right to come home to DH and complain to him about it! LOL!).

K.

[lifescholar]

I post my opinions, and the info I have learned, on message boards. IRL, I don't say anything, although I might share my own experiences if appropriate.

I find that a lot of the time, when parents start solids early, their doctor has TOLD THEM TO!! So, my opinion is that it's irresponsible of a medical professional to give advice that goes against what his/her own peers have recommended. I'm a future health professional, and we've been told NOT to give advice, only information. It's up to the PARENTS to interpret the information, and do what they feel is right. But the professional should NOT be injecting their own biases and opinions into the information they give.

But, when I point this out, the reply usually is "Well, I trust my doctor." Doh! :